A New Sybil's "WHO'Z DAT?"... MARJORIE MAIN (February 24, 1890 – April 10, 1975)

Darlings! Mummy has made a decision! After reading dozens of posts and having hundreds of conversations with well-meaning folks who just don't know about the great CHARACTER actors who gave films the depth and genius that surrounded and supported the so-called "stars", I am going to post a regular, special entry called SYBIL'S "WHO'Z DAT??"....there'll be photos and a mini-bio, and the next time you see one of those familiar, fabulous faces that you just "can't quite place".......well, maybe these posts will help. Some of these actors worked more, had longer and broader careers, and ended up happier, more loved, and even wealthier than the "stars" that the public "worships"......I think there may be a metaphor in that! What do you think??? Well, don’t think too long, because the lady I’m about to introduce ain’t no lady!...unless you think of her as a lady-wrestler!

She’s Marjorie Main (February 24, 1890 – April 10, 1975), an American character actress, and one of the best known and most beloved contract players at Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer during its Golden Age. Born Mary Tomlinson in Acton, Indiana, Main attended Franklin College in Franklin, Indiana, and adopted a stage name to avoid embarrassing her father, Samuel J. Tomlinson (married to Jennie L. McGaughey), who was a church minister. Main worked in vaudeville on the Chautauqua and Orpheum circuits, and debuted on Broadway in 1916. She remained in NYC doing plays until her first film, A HOUSE DIVIDED (1931) in which she is an uncredited walk-on. She continued working as background in films until she was cast as Mrs. Martin, mother to Barbara Stanwyck’s STELLA DALLAS (1937).

Main began playing upper class dowagers, but was ultimately typecast in abrasive, domineering, salty roles, for which her distinctive voice was well suited. She repeated her stage role in the gritty drama, DEAD END in the 1937 film version with Humphrey Bogart and the first appearance of the Dead End Kids, and was subsequently cast repeatedly as the mother of gangsters. She again transferred a strong stage performance, as a dude-ranch operator in the social comedy THE WOMEN, to film in 1939 starring heavy-hitters Joan Crawford and Norma Shearer. At this time, she guest-starred on popular radio programs such as COLUMBIA PRESENTS CORWIN and THE GOLDBERGS, again because of her notorious voice.

Main was signed to a Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer contract in 1940 and stayed with the studio until the mid-1950s. She made six films with Wallace Beery in the 1940s (perhaps taking over for Marie Dressler who had paired with him a few times but died in 1934), including BARNACLE BILL (1941), JACKASS MAIL (1942), and BAD BASCOMB (1946). She played Sonora Cassidy, the chief cook, in THE HARVEY GIRLS (1946) with Judy Garland and Angela Lansbury. The director, George Sidney, remarked in the commentary for the film that Miss Main was a "great lady" as well as a great actress who donated most of her paychecks over the years to the support of a school. Her waltz number with the rubberized Ray Bolger remains iconic MGM dancing at its most comic. Interestingly, although Main is remembered most fondly for her terrific comedies, she was also cast in dramatic pieces like SUSAN AND GOD (1940) and even film-noir like A WOMAN’S FACE (1941), both with Joan Crawford.

Perhaps her most recognizable role is that of Ma Kettle, which she first played in THE EGG AND I in 1947 opposite Percy Kilbride as Pa Kettle. She was nominated for an Academy Award for Best Actress in a Supporting Role for the part and portrayed the character in nine more Ma and Pa Kettle films.

By the end of the 1940s, she had appeared in several MGM musicals, including the blockbuster MEET ME IN ST. LOUIS and SUMMER STOCK (both again with Judy Garland). She played Mrs. Wrenley in the studio's all-star film IT'S A BIG COUNTRY (1951). In 1954, Marjorie Main played her last roles for the studio: Mrs. Hittaway in THE LONG, LONG TRAILER with television mega-stars Desi Arnaz and Lucille Ball. In 1956, Main's performance as the widow Hudspeth in the hit film FRIENDLY PERSUASION starring  Gary Cooper was well-received, earning her a Golden Globe nomination for Best Supporting Actress.

In 1958, Main appeared twice as rugged frontierswoman Cassie Tanner in the episodes "The Cassie Tanner Story" and "The Sacramento Story" on NBC's Western television series, WAGON TRAIN. In the first segment, she joins the wagon train, casts her romantic interest on Ward Bond as Major Adams, and helps the train locate needed horses despite a Paiute threat.

During her life, Main was married only once, to Stanley LeFevre Krebs, who died in 1935. By her accounts, the marriage was happy, but not particularly close. Her biographer, Michelle Vogel, quotes a late interview in which the actress related: "Dr. Krebs wasn't a very practical man. I didn't figure on having to run the show, I kinda tired of it after a few years. We pretty much went our own ways but we was still in the eyes of the law, man and wife". Other sources indicate Main was, in actuality, devoted to her husband long after his death in 1935. In addition to her marriage, Vogel noted that Main and fellow film and TV star Spring Byington were reported widely as having had a long-term relationship. When asked about Byington's sexual orientation, Main acknowledged: "It's true, she didn't have much use for men."

In 1974, a year before her death, Main attended the Los Angeles premiere of the MGM documentary film THAT'S ENTERTAINMENT. It was her first public appearance since she retired from films in 1958. At the televised post-premiere party, she was greeted with cheers of enthusiasm and applause from the crowd of spectators. She died of lung cancer on April 10, 1975, at St. Vincent's Hospital in Los Angeles, where she had been admitted on April 3, at the age of 85. She is buried in Forest Lawn Memorial Park in the Hollywood Hills.

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A New Sybil's "WHO'Z DAT?"... FRANK ORTH (February 21, 1880 – March 17, 1962)

Darlings! Mummy has made a decision! After reading dozens of posts and having hundreds of conversations with well-meaning folks who just don't know about the great CHARACTER actors who gave films the depth and genius that surrounded and supported the so-called "stars", I am going to post a regular, special entry called SYBIL'S "WHO'Z DAT??"....there'll be photos and a mini-bio, and the next time you see one of those familiar, fabulous faces that you just "can't quite place".......well, maybe these posts will help. Some of these actors worked more, had longer and broader careers, and ended up happier, more loved, and even wealthier than the "stars" that the public "worships"......I think there may be a metaphor in that! What do you think???...well, here’s a classic case of the familiar face that was so “everyman” he could fit into dozens of different roles effortlessly and still convince you he wasn’t actually acting! He’s Frank Orth (February 21, 1880 – March 17, 1962).

Born in Philadelphia, by the age of 17 in 1897 he was performing in regional Vaudeville with his soon-to-be wife, Ann Codee, in an act called "Codee and Orth". In 1909, he expanded into song writing, with songs such as "The Phone Bell Rang" and "Meet Me on the Boardwalk, Dearie". The couple appeared separately (or more often together!) touring onstage until his first contact with motion pictures in 1928, when he was part of the first foreign-language shorts in sound produced by Warner Bros. He and his wife also appeared together in a series of two-reel comedies in the early 1930s.

Orth's first major screen credit was in PRAIRIE THUNDER, a Dick Foran western, in 1937. From then on, he was often cast as bartenders, pharmacists, and grocery clerks, and always distinctly Irish. He had a recurring role in three of the Nancy Drew series as the befuddled Officer Tweedy and in six of the Dr. Kildare series of films. Among his better roles were the newspaper man Duffy that Cary Grant telephones early in HIS GIRL FRIDAY (1940), and one of the quartet singing "Gary Owen" in THEY DIED WITH THEIR BOOTS ON (1941), thereby giving Errol Flynn as Gen. Custer the idea of associating the tune with the 7th Cavalry.

For Twentieth Century Fox studios, Orth appeared in several musicals; in CONEY ISLAND (1943) starring Betty Grable he sings in an Irish quartet number, in GREENWICH VILLAGE (1944) starring Don Ameche, Vivian Blaine, and Carmen Miranda, Orth does a wonderful little turn in drag trying to sneak into a bohemian party and getting tossed out! As well as other 1940s musicals, HELLO, FRISCO, HELLO! with John Payne and Alice Faye, MY GAL SAL with Rita Hayworth and Victor Mature, SWEET ROSIE O’GRADIE with Grable and Robert Young, and FOOTLIGHT SERENADE with Mature, Grable, and John Payne(!), Orth appeared in several film-noir dramas; I WAKE UP SCREAMING (again with Mature and Grable in a distinctly UN-musical thriller), in the critically acclaimed and Oscar winning THE LOST WEEKEND (1945) starring Ray Milland, and in the ultra-noir and ultra-peculiar THE STRANGE LOVE OF MARTHA IVERS (1946) with Barbara Stanwyck and Kirk Douglas in his film debut. But as chameleon as Orth could be in the darkest dramas, he was always pulled back into his naturally comedic roots, memorably as the little man carrying the sign reading "The End Is Near" throughout COLONEL EFFINGHAM'S RAID (1946). Interestingly, he appeared in the sometimes comic film-noir thriller THE BIG CLOCK (1946) again with Ray Milland. Orth plays a bartender named Burt, whose tavern with its clutter figures largely in the tangled plot and its final solution.

Moving into the age of television, he made several appearances in cameos on various shows but is probably best remembered for his portrayal of Inspector Faraday in the 1951-1953 television series BOSTON BLACKIE. A short, plump, round-faced man, often smoking a cigar, Orth as Faraday wore his own thick dark-rimmed spectacles.

In 1959, Orth retired from show business after throat surgery. His wife died in 1961 after more than sixty years of marriage, and Orth died on March 17, 1962, having just turned 82. He is buried in Forest Lawn Cemetery in the Hollywood Hills next to his wife.

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Sybil Bruncheon's "NEWS ITEMS FROM THE DISTANT FUTURE"!!!

February 18th, 2317..... and here we have an artifact that has just been excavated from possibly 300 or so years ago... Archaeologists believe it may be the remains of a political figure of some sort as it was found on the site of what may have been the so-called White House in the former "United States of America", but which we now know as the pan-continental Northern Atlantic Corporate Brotherhood. Much of what we surmise about this period was buried in the Great Wars of 2020, 2031, 2044, and in the final ecological catastrophe of 2097 in which most of the world's 131 trillion people died of starvation, ennui, and heat rash....

However, this lucky person died long before that in a relatively calm time, although the expression on his face, the pursing of his lips, and his orange coloring indicates a sour temperament...and possibly the old maladies of dyspepsia, dropsy, carbuncles, and gout....

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A New Sybil's "WHO'Z DAT?"... EDWARD ARNOLD (February 18, 1890 – April 26, 1956)

Darlings! Mummy has made a decision! After reading dozens of posts and having hundreds of conversations with well-meaning folks who just don't know about the great CHARACTER actors who gave films the depth and genius that surrounded and supported the so-called "stars", I am going to post a regular, special entry called SYBIL'S "WHO'Z DAT??"....there'll be photos and a mini-bio, and the next time you see one of those familiar, fabulous faces that you just "can't quite place".......well, maybe these posts will help. Some of these actors worked more, had longer and broader careers, and ended up happier, more loved, and even wealthier than the "stars" that the public "worships"......I think there may be a metaphor in that! What do you think???.... while you’re considering, I’d like to introduce one of my very favorites of all time; Edward Arnold (February 18, 1890 – April 26, 1956). I think I loved him from the very first time I saw him in film…and I loved him even when he played villains, which he did fairly often. But he did something that so few even great actors can do; he played both lovable characters AND villains, both of them convincingly! And he even played villains who became lovable during the course of the story! In dramas, melodramas, and comedies!!

     He was born Gunther Edward Arnold Schneider on the Lower East Side of New York City, the son of German immigrants Elizabeth (Ohse) and Carl Schneider. His schooling came at the East Side Settlement House. Orphaned at 11, Arnold supported himself with a series of manual labor jobs. He made his first stage appearance at 12, playing Lorenzo in an amateur production of The Merchant of Venice at the East Side Settlement House. Encouraged to continue acting by playwright/ journalist John D. Barry, Arnold became a professional at 15, joining the prestigious Ben Greet Players shortly afterward. After touring with such notables as Ethel Barrymore and Maxine Elliot, he did bit and extra work in the early days of silent film at Chicago's Essanay Film Studios and New Jersey's World Studios during the early 'teens. His first significant role was in 1916's THE MISLEADING LADY. In 1919, he left film for a return to the stage, and did not appear again in movies until he made his talkie debut in OKAY AMERICA! (1932). He recreated one of his stage roles in one of his early films, WHISTLING IN THE DARK (1933). A burly man with a commanding style and superb baritone voice, his role in the 1935 film DIAMOND JIM boosted him to stardom. He reprised the role of “Diamond” Jim Brady in the 1940 film LILLIAN RUSSELL. He also played a similar role in THE TOAST OF NEW YORK (1937), another fictionalized version of real-life business chicanery, for which he was billed above Cary Grant in the posters with his name in much larger letters.

     During this time, Arnold appeared in over 150 movies. Although he was labeled "box office poison" in 1938 by an exhibitor publication (he shared this dubious distinction with Joan Crawford, Greta Garbo, Marlene Dietrich, Mae West, Fred Astaire, and Katharine Hepburn!!!!), he never lacked for work. Rather than continue in leading man roles, he gave up losing weight and went after character parts instead. Arnold was quoted as saying, "The bigger I got, the better character roles I received." He was such a sought-after actor, he often worked on two pictures at the same time.

        Arnold was an expert at playing a wide range of lovable rogues, powerful villains quietly pulling strings, and heroic authority figures, always with wit, intelligence, and energy. As a matter of fact, Arnold was so vivid onscreen that it was nearly impossible for even leading actors to get the attention of audiences whenever he would appear in a scene. He was the first actor to portray Rex Stout's famous detective Nero Wolfe, starring in MEET NERO WOLFE (1936), the film based on the first novel in the series. He went on to appear in major Hollywood productions and was best known for his roles in COME AND GET IT (1936) with Frances Farmer, Westerns like SUTTER’S GOLD (1936), the aforementioned THE TOAST OF NEW YORK (1937) again with Frances Farmer, Frank Capra’s YOU CAN'T TAKE IT WITH YOU (1938) with a star-studded cast including Lionel Barrymore and Jimmy Stewart and Jean Arthur, MR. SMITH GOES TO WASHINGTON (1939) again with Capra, Stewart and Arthur and co-starring Claude Rains, MEET JOHN DOE (1941) (Capra again!) with Barbara Stanwyck and Gary Cooper, and THE DEVIL AND DANIEL WEBSTER (1941). Arnold actually played both the Devil AND Daniel Webster in succeeding years, playing Webster in THE DEVIL AND DANIEL WEBSTER and the Devil in the WWII propaganda short INFLATION (1942) the following year. He played blind detective Duncan Maclain in two movies based on the novels by Baynard Kendrick, EYES IN THE NIGHT(1942) and THE HIDDEN EYE (1945). In 1940, his autobiography, “Lorenzo Goes to Hollywood”, was published, and he was president of the Screen Actors Guild from 1940–42. As film work for him stalled in the 1940s, Arnold became involved in Republican politics and was mentioned as a possible G.O.P. candidate for the United States Senate. He lost a closely contested election for Los Angeles County Supervisor and said at the time that perhaps actors were not suited to run for political office.

       From 1947 to 1953, Arnold starred in the ABC’s radio program MR. PRESIDENT portraying a different U.S. president each week. He also played a lawyer, "Mr. Reynolds," in THE CHARLOTTE GREENWOOD SHOW, and in 1953, he was the host of SPOTLIGHT STORY on the Mutual Broadcasting Network.

       He gradually withdrew from show business, retiring with his family and died at his home in Encino, California from a cerebral hemorrhage associated with atrial fibrillation, aged 66. Arnold was married three times: Harriet Marshall (1917–1927), with whom he had three children: Elizabeth, Jane and William (who had a short movie career as Edward Arnold, Jr.); Olive Emerson (1929–1948) and Cleo McLain (1951 until his death). A lifelong conservative Republican and staunch anti-Communist, he was nonetheless an early and ardent opponent of the studio blacklisting of suspected Communists, which brought him into direct conflict with many of the giants of the industry who cooperated in the “witch hunts” that destroyed so many careers and reputations. (Coincidentally, Arnold shared exactly the same February 18th birthday with Adolphe Menjou, one of the most notoriously right-wing witnesses in the HUAC-House Committee on Un-American Activities in its hunt for Communists in Hollywood.) He was interred in the San Fernando Mission Cemetery. During his career, he had managed that rare accomplishment of being a “Starring” character actor and at three major studios, MGM, Paramount, and Universal. The inscription on his modest gravestone is “He is not dead – He is just away”.

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A New Sybil's "WHO'Z DAT?"... THELMA RITTER (February 14, 1902 – February 5, 1969)

Darlings! Mummy has made a decision! After reading dozens of posts and having hundreds of conversations with well-meaning folks who just don't know about the great CHARACTER actors who gave films the depth and genius that surrounded and supported the so-called "stars", I am going to post a regular, special entry called SYBIL'S "WHO'Z DAT??"....there'll be photos and a mini-bio, and the next time you see one of those familiar, fabulous faces that you just "can't quite place".......well, maybe these posts will help. Some of these actors worked more, had longer and broader careers, and ended up happier, more loved, and even wealthier than the "stars" that the public "worships"......I think there may be a metaphor in that! What do you think??? With a face, a voice, and a manner that could be described as "every woman", but as unforgettable as the most luminescent star, she remains Hollywood royalty: THELMA RITTER! (February 14, 1902 – February 5, 1969)....born on Valentine's Day in Brooklyn.

She typically played working class characters and was noted for her distinctive voice, with a strong Brooklyn accent. After appearing in high school plays and stock companies, she trained as an actress at the American Academy of Dramatic Arts. She established a stage career but took a hiatus to raise her two children by her husband, Joseph Moran, an actor turned advertising executive. Ritter's first movie role was in MIRACLE ON 34TH STREET in 1947- She was 45 at the time!!! She made a memorable impression in a brief uncredited part, as a frustrated mother unable to find the toy that Kris Kringle has promised to her son. Her “big break” came in 1950’s ALL ABOUT EVE in which Ritter played Birdie, the long-suffering personal maid to stage diva Margo Channing (Bette Davis). Down-to-earth Birdie is the first person in EVE to grow wise to the title character’s machinations, and Ritter does a wonderful job in helping the audience see the first glimmers of deception in Eve’s story. And it’s no wonder Ritter is so phenomenal in the role: the film’s writer/director, Joseph L. Mankiewicz, wrote the part with Ritter specifically in mind after having worked with her in the previous year’s A LETTER TO THREE WIVES (although she was uncredited!) Ultimately, Ritter’s performance was noteworthy enough to garner her first Academy Award nomination (one of fourteen nominations for that film, incidentally). A second nomination followed for her work in Mitchell Leisens' classic ensemble screwball comedy THE MATING SEASON (1951) starring Gene Tierney and John Lund. She established herself among costars, directors, and studio heads alike as a master of the "throw-away line" and perhaps Hollywood's most lovable "scene-stealer". When she was onscreen, even the greatest stars knew that audiences might be watching Ritter not just for her own one-liners, but for her shrugs, smirks, eye-rolls, or deadpan stares in reaction to their lines.

Ritter enjoyed steady film work for the next dozen years. She also appeared in many of the episodic drama TV series of the 1950s, such as Alfred Hitchcock Presents, General Electric Theater, and The United States Steel Hour. Other film roles were as James Stewart's nurse in REAR WINDOW (1954) and as Doris Day's housekeeper in PILLOW TALK (1959). Though she found a great deal of success in Hollywood, Ritter was also an accomplished stage actress, winning a 1958 Tony Award for Best Leading Performance in a Musical for her role in NEW GIRL IN TOWN, a musical adaptation of Eugene O’Neill’s play ANNA CHRISTIE (which was so memorably brought to the screen as Greta Garbo’s first “talkie” in 1930). Ritter shared the Tony award with her costar, Gwen Verdon in a rare tie.

The 1960s brought Ritter several more acclaimed roles, including a supporting part in THE MISFITS (1961), the final completed film for Hollywood icons Clark Gable and Marilyn Monroe; a sixth Oscar-nominated performance as the mother of the titular character in BIRDMAN OF ALCATRAZ (1962) with Burt Lancaster; an appearance next to Debbie Reynolds in the star-studded Western epic HOW THE WEST WAS WON (also in 1962); and a reunion with Doris Day in 1963’s MOVE OVER DARLING. Although best known for comedy roles, she played the occasional dramatic role, most notably as an underworld figure who is eventually murdered in the film noir PICKUP ON SOUTH STREET (1953) with Richard Widmark and as a character based on (“the unsinkable”) Molly Brown in TITANIC (1953). Her last work was an appearance on THE JERRY LEWIS SHOW on January 23, 1968. Ritter died of a heart attack in New York City, just nine days before her 67th birthday in 1969. 

At the time of her death, she was survived by her husband of forty-two years, Joseph Moran, an actor turned advertising executive, and her two children Monica and Joseph Jr. She left behind a body of work comprising more than thirty films and a wide variety of stage and television performances. She never won an Oscar, but she was one of the most-nominated actors of all time. During her career, Ritter was nominated for an Oscar six times, tying with Deborah Kerr and Glenn Close as most nominated for the award in an acting category without a win. Kerr DID eventually receive an honorary award from the Academy, however, (coincidentally presented to her by Close!) but Ritter has the distinction in 1954, of having co-hosted the Oscar ceremony, notably trading wisecracks with Bob Hope. Despite having only spent two decades in Hollywood, Thelma Ritter certainly is an unforgettable and iconic presence on the classic cinematic landscape. A birthday on February 14th??... For me, Thelma Ritter is truly one of the greatest Valentines of all time!!

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Sybil's "Hysterical Hollywood History"...

True story! Before Honor Blackman got the role of Pussy Galore in GOLDFINGER, Ian Fleming explored all sorts of different concepts for the character. He spent months struggling, worrying.... Auditions were held among Hollywood and Broadway’s most desirable, talented, and compelling actresses. Rewrites of the script were done again and again, with some of the most famous screenwriters, but nothing would help. It wasn’t until over tea one day, that he heard Sean Connery read those famous lines, "Hello, POOOSY!"... and then Fleming knew!… Blackman was skinny-dipping in his pool at the time!

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Sybil's "Weekend Weight-loss Weirdness"....

Ladies, when it comes to dieting, did you know that our mothers and grandmothers lived in a much tougher time than we do. Here's a photo from the Adipose-AWAY Spa in Carlton Corners, California in 1920. Dr. Lorne Fornecetti proposed a radical new approach to slimming and trimming milady's figure and form; "anger and angst" therapy.

In addition to the usual steam cabinets, massage tables, indian club calisthenics, and heavy weightlifting, he included hours of running in place in front of just-out-of-reach tables of the richest delicacies while being anchored to cast iron wall brackets. Sympathetic (but ruthlessly firm!) attendants would walk up and down the line of patients serving them endless glasses of warm water and lemons as they sprinted faster and faster in place towards fudge brownies, chocolate milkshakes, steaming kettles of clam chowder, Lobster Newburgs, Oysters Rockefeller, mashed potatoes, buttered croissants, banana splits, potato chips, french fries, pizzas, pies, puddings, and cakes! The room was soon full of grunts, panting, sweating, and screamed epithets and threats of physical violence, by both staff and clients alike.

A minor earthquake gave the good doctor the idea to attach his patients to a row of electric sewing machines and vibrate them even more towards the slim and svelte silhouette they (and their husbands!) were seeking! And the added bonus was the new market in "gymnasium couture" being sewn by those clients who were resting after their workouts. Henry Ford visiting the weekend coined the phrases "burning fat" and "assembly-line lean"! Within a year, the thousands of laborers working in his Detroit factories were considered "the most shapely men in America" by both "Physique Pictorial" and the "National Nudist" magazines.

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The Pumpkin House... scooped!

...there I am at "21" having lunch with Pet Harkness as she tells me about the famous "Pumpkin House" going on the auction block... you know the one, right? It was 1936, and it had been built in the 1920s. I'd been at dozens of parties in it and had always wanted to own it even if it WAS a bit far uptown…and cantilevered off the edge of those cliffs up near Inwood! But the views! And the quiet!...oh my God! Of course there was the danger of it falling down in an earthquake, but that nice seismologist, Dr. Ibrahim McSulzberger at Rockefeller University had reassured me that they were fairly rare in NYC, and he showed me his seismic water displacement theory while we were taking a bubble bath together. No matter how... um... "turbulent" the water got, it was unlikely that the bath tub would fall off its foundations! …and we tried many times!! I was ever so relieved! …and my goodness, the doctor got so frisky when he was describing tectonics, but I told him I could find no "FAULTS in his technique"! He laughed and laughed at my little joke! Sadly, I lost out on the bidding for the Pumpkin House!! To Pet Harkness!! She used a pseudonym!…"Kitty Walensky"…or… "Pussy Gabor"… and then she moved into it... with Ibrahim!! …..(selfish bitch!).

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BREAKING NEWS!!... Hollywood rocked by Oscar scandal!

THE SHAPE OF WATER has been revealed to be a stolen script from the Lumière brothers, Auguste and Louis, film pioneers in Paris in the 1900s. They had written the original story and screenplay about a girl who falls in love with a sea creature, and it seems that Hollywood execs thought that a century passing would hide their plagiarism... but! The original actress Madame Felitrice "Pou Pou" Fellatione who played the heroine is still alive and filed claims in court. She stated that she and her late husband Jean-Clemence, the actor who played the "Man-Guppy", had improvised much of the original dialogue during filming, and had choreographed all the dance numbers and mime sequences. The title of the film was J'AI MOUILLÉ MON LIT NUPTIAL (1915) and the original black and white print was hand-tinted in color, frame by frame, but lost in a tragic cheese fondue fire in the 1930s. Auguste Lumière had a complete nervous breakdown and was hospitalized for three years in the Instituer Pour Les Incommodés Émotionnellement. He was subjected to round the clock pelting with stale croques monsieurs, tepid cafe au laits, and live snails. Eventually, he returned to his senses, but insisted on wearing petticoats and swim-fins with his business suits for the rest of his life. Louis went on to a very successful life as a Fuller Brush salesman in Avignon....

Needless to say, all Oscar nominations for THE SHAPE OF WATER have been revoked...except for Best Catering. Details at 6. Silent film at 11.

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A New Sybil's "WHO'Z DAT?"... ERNST LUBITSCH (January 29, 1892 -November 30, 1947)

A German-American actor, screenwriter, producer and film director. His urbane comedies of manners, including TO BE OR NOT TO BE (1942), gave him the reputation of being Hollywood's most elegant and sophisticated director; as his prestige grew, his films were promoted as having "the Lubitsch touch." In 1947 he received an Honorary Academy Award for his distinguished contributions to the art of the motion picture, and he was nominated three times for Best Director.

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