Sybil Bruncheon's "Joan Crawford Birthday Festival!"...

"...and then Tina, Frankenstein found a sweet little girl... just like you! By a lake... just like this one! And she was throwing daisies in the water... just like you are! And then he picked her up and ......."

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Joan Crawford Birthday Festival!"...

"Tina, this is my friend Trog!... Trog, here!.. EAT MY DAUGHTER!"...

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Joan Crawford Birthday Festival!"...

"Now the next time I tell you to turn left Clark, you'll do what I say! I haven't had to slap my husband here around in a year or so!"...

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Joan Crawford Birthday Festival!"...

Today in the news, former Hollywood legend Joan Crawford was dismissed by Tam-O-Shanter Airlines for failure to fulfill her duties as a stewardess on their Dayton to Dublin route. Confronted with having "sampled" over thirty mini-vodkas on the 7 hour flight, Miss Crawford claimed she was just acting as the "quality control agent" for the airline... She was escorted to the local constables' station where she continued to sing selections from FINIAN'S RAINBOW to her leprechaun friends..... according to police, Miss Crawford was unaccompanied at the time..... Later in her jail cell, she was heard giggling the words "Aer Lingus" over and over again to what she described as the "wee people". Again, she was alone at the time......

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Joan Crawford Birthday Festival!"...

..."..now it's just me and Bette Davis, and a race to see who'll be the last man standing! ...er.... uh, whatever!"…

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Joan Crawford Birthday Festival!"...

"FU*K Hattie Carnegie and her advice!!! Look at me! Just look at me!!! I was laughed out of Rumplemeyer's!!! RUMPELMEYER'S, DAMMIT!!!"...

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Sybil Bruncheon's "TALES & TAILS": Filbert and the Snowstorm..

Whenever it snowed, really snowed heavily, Filbert would find himself lost in thought... he loved going for his own strolls through the back alleyways and lanes of the town, far away from the bustle and racket, especially of trucks and cars stuck in the snow and spinning their wheels... or the children, always shrieking about some sled that wasn't being shared...or a slip on the ice skates that bruised a bottom. What did they expect going out on the ice on those shiny knife-shoes?... Idiots. Like their parents.. People are stupid. ...almost as stupid as their dogs... or..well, maybe not.

Filbert would yawn, and then pounce on something imaginary in the snow drift... laughing and prancing about with a twig in his mouth as if it was a mouse..or a finger...

And then he would settle in for some kitty thoughts...  like what he liked to eat. ...what he liked to hide under the sofa... what he liked to casually brush off the counter..and pretend that someone else had done it... what he liked to leave bite marks in for people to find a month later... and shout… it always made him laugh when they would shout… especially at the dog.

And then, as the snow began to fall softly again, he thought about his kitty friends in the neighborhood... maybe they'd like to jump in the snow later on tonight... after all the Stupids had gone to bed. Yes... he'd invite Claude Viskers, Edith Scrapps, Professor Purrvis Rubbs, Cassie Hizzlephitt, Dybik Mancksy, Felinia Furson, Pawla Paddington, Nozina Pinkle, Yowlette Skulck, oh, and the two strippers, Kitty Glitter & Poosy Jadore. They were identical twins and always good for a few laughs!!… good times!… ah, good times!

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Sybil's "Stroll Down Memory Lane"... Hollywood in 1950

My dear pal, Marilyn McAfee, found this photo taken at my Westwood Village home in 1950... it shows Marilyn Monroe visiting for lunch that day. She was just beginning to get more and more notoriety in Hollywood, and her career seemed about to take off. Sadly, she felt that no one took her seriously as a legitimate actress, and so, after a few cocktails, quite early in the day (10 AM!!!), she would do things to get attention, including jumping about on the furniture and reciting various passages from Shakespeare, Shaw, and O'Neill....along with the sing-song chant of "Bouncy! Bouncy! I'm a Flouncy!".... most people didn't mind so much, but they DID mind when she did it in her panties!!....and in front of President Truman! I said to her, "Marilyn! You get right upstairs and put a skirt on! If not for my sake or Harry's, at least for MRS. TRUMAN'S!!!"...

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Sybil Bruncheon's "SHAKESPEARE IN OUR DAILY LIVES!"...

Hello, Friends, (and I use that term loosely)... how many of you have wondered why your school teachers made you study Shakespeare in your early years? Well, now Mummie will help you! Let's start with this seemingly current photo. Please study the photo carefully. Then review the following multiple choices and decide which answer is correct...(and please keep your eyes on your OWN paper):

a) The photo is of KING LEAR's two evil daughters, Regan and Goneril as they decide how best to dispose of their increasingly annoying father and their nice sister Cordelia, so that they can inherit the kingdom and divide its wealth between them.

b) The photo is of two of the three witches in the opening moments of MACBETH. They have just given him their predictions about his future, and are enjoying a smoke in a back-alley of Cawdor Castle while their third "sister" goes for a hair appointment on DuPont circle.

c) The photo is of Queen Tamora from TITUS ANDRONICUS and her lunch pal, Lady Macbeth from MACBETH discussing what to order from the menu at the Palm in Washington DC. Tamora will order the "meat pie"...and Lady Macbeth is excusing herself to the ladies' room to wash her hands for the 15th time...

d) The photo is of Iago from OTHELLO and Claudius from HAMLET doing a drag show for the young republicans club in Poka-Ma-Hola, Idaho. Iago just found a handkerchief that's been used inappropriately and has asked Claudius to smell it to see if he agrees. He does.

e) The photo is of the front and back end of RICHARD III's horse agreeing that the king should change his underpants.

f) The photo is of "two spear carriers" from JULIUS CAESAR just discovering that they had no idea it was a comedy!

g) The photo is of "two handmaidens" in CLEOPATRA saying that they had no idea the queen had put on so much "water-weight", and laughing that she gets "her ass in a basket" at the end of the play.

h) The photo is of two stagehands having a smoke and a beer in an alleyway. They're not sure if they're working on Shakespeare or Neil Simon... whatever. But they HAVE been laughing for over an hour about CORIOLANUS....

i) none of the above

j) all of the above

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...Sybil Bruncheon's "Myths For Our Time!".... Wintertime vs. Springtime

...and so children, Winter stays with us, cold and brutal, until the great Ice-Ogre comes down from the mountains and begins to eat all the snow that covers the fields, and villages, and cities!!!...He gulps down all the ice from the rivers and lakes and the frost from the trees and gardens!... and as he opens his huge monstrous mouth and finally swallows all that the Winter has frozen, Spring begins to come out from hiding and warms us for our sunny games again! And the Ice-Ogre, all hunched over and grunting, lumbers back into his hidden cave somewhere near Passaic full and bloated to sleep until the end of Winter again next year when he lets out a terrible ROOOOOOAAAR and returns!! Now, isn't that a nice story??

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