…concerning Facebook FRIEND REQUESTS (part 3)… to “Sí!”… or not to “Sí!”…

/

Hey Folks!! Do you get swamped with "friend requests"?.... I do. As much as a dozen or so every day!... and I love the idea of interesting people from unusual places!... but I have started checking them carefully before I just click them on through. Because sometimes instead of “interesting”, they’re just weird… and not even people. And sometimes they’re indeed from “unusual places”… but perhaps not in our solar system! Here’s a few that I got this past week:

 1) Imam Tanko Dno: A spiritual mentor who offered to help me “find myself”… or at least “my deeper recesses of loving kindness”… both in front and in back. I had to read his request three times over my Grande Venti Caramel Mint ‘n’ Mucho Mocha Latte at Starbucks ($49.95), before I realized what he was suggesting. The nice older ladies at the next table forgave me for the latte-geyser my nose became… all over them! TWICE!

 2) አፍንጫው  ልክ እንደ አህያ   ጭስ ነው: A traveling salesman who’s “territory” includes parts of the Eastern hemisphere… but “only peninsulas”… Yeah. That’s what I thought too. He specializes in exotic undergarments for ladies with “open-air options”… Yeah. That’s what I thought too. I politely explained that I dispose of my undergarments when they become too “open-air”… he asked me if he could have them. “Especially if they are Plus-Size!”

 3) G'oz Kabi Goz: A seemingly lovely and very bright college graduate finishing up her third doctorate at the University of Uzbekistan in Archaeological Research of Aboriginal Coprolites. Her other two degrees are in Anthropological Influences of Rocks and Soils When Thrown (from the Coshocton College for Career-minded Co-eds) and in Philosophical Dialogues Between Great Minds and Their Pets (from the Akron Academy of Advanced Chat) I decided to pass, although I admired her drive.

  4) विशेष  फल  सलाद: This person intrigued me if only because his Facebook page was covered with photographs of  fine jewelry, mostly from auctions of Edwardian through Art Deco collections at Sotheby’s. He mentioned that “for special friends”, he could perhaps connect me with “the right people”. Well! I hate to admit that I’m always interested in fine jewelry, of any age, and even acquired under suspicious circumstances… but not PLASTIC jewelry from “Barbie & Skipper’s Big Girl Box”. JEEESH! At least tempt me with rhinestones…from the Avon M’Lady Collection.

 5) Ноён Xатагтай: Animal lover who has opened a chain of petting zoos for rescue animals from exotic places that might have fallen victim to canned-hunt safaris for republican political figures. I was SOLD! What a wonderful person, and what a worthy cause to devote his four different Facebook pages to… under various spellings of his name. It turned out that many of his pseudonyms were anagrams for words like “bad touches”, “poke me in my lady-place”, and “grandma is tasty”. And he was in the headlines later that week for having petting zoos filled with elderly people dressed as farm animals… neither rescues, nor exotic.

 6) Volim “Blackie” Kolačiće: Single, successful, and sexually “ambidextrous”, as he made a big point of pointing out!... but only after we had exchanged some lovely chat about dessert recipes from our respective ethnic backgrounds. I was about to “accept” his request, when I noticed that we had no “mutual friends”… in fact, he had no friends on Facebook whatsoever. But had broken the FB record for attempts at “poking” and for playing Angry Birds… or Complaining Llamas… whatever.

 7) 我聞到了  牛肉乾: From her profile photo, she looked like Nancy Kwan… or even Michelle Yeoh! So ridiculously beautiful, that at first I was too envious to allow someone like that into my Facebook circle and have all of you ask me daily “Gee, Sybil, how did YOU get such a gorgeous girl-friend?”. Blah! Blah! Blah!... and then I was delivered by Fate, or Mark Zuckerberg, or the CIA. It turns out that both Michelle Yeoh AND Nancy Kwan had taken orders of protection out against this young woman…or man as it turned out. A former sumo wrestler who had just gotten the “gastric sleeve” installed so that he could fit into the “petites” line at Vera Wang’s Bridal Separates-on-Sale at Home Depot.

 8) Miellyttävä Gelatiini Vaahtokarkkeilla: Frankly, I never quite determined whether this person was a man or a woman, and apparently neither could Facebook, though they tried rather aggressively according to the authorities later. There was no particular reason to have refused he/she except that “they” insisted on calling the phone number somehow listed on FB info pages… I was stunned! And inundated by indeterminate voices, accents, languages, and sound effects like squeaking hinges, disharmonious doorbells, and mooing. I don’t mind obscene phone calls, specially late at night… but I do draw the line at mooing.

 9) Skvělé Záliby: A newt, from its profile photo and personal info listed on the page. I have nothing against newts, nor indeed any amphibians, though I hesitate to have them wander about my home especially during dinner parties, holiday celebrations, and funeral banquets when guests might be startled at their slimy touch, or, God forbid, be tempted to EAT them! I refused to accept Mr. Záliby simply because he too closely resembled the Gecko from GEICO, and I was afraid I would be accused of star-trolling… or a term fairly close to that.

 10) راتاباجا المشمش على الخس: A stand-up drag-comedian supposedly from Elmira, New York, who claimed to have sold jeans as a ”sweet young thing” for Gloria Vanderbilt… or was it Murjani?... or maybe for OshKosh B’gosh?... whatever. He’d climbed the career-ladder to semi-stardom. It was when he continued to drop Ru Paul’s name repeatedly and how he could give me an audition on Drag Race. Or, failing that, that he could get me mom-jeans from Anderson Cooper that I had to draw the line. Really! Hand-me-down jeans from the son of a billionairess who dabbled in fashion as a hobby! And in a “Plus Size”… as a consolation prize for NOT getting “an audition” on Ru Paul’s Drag Race. Clearly, my career is over!... But my Facebook page is still my OWN!

[Want to read other fun and funny stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!]

Sybil Bruncheon's "Origins Of Popular Phrases--- The Gleaming Gloat"

/
Gleaming Gloat (1370).jpg

... um... I drove a 1936 gleaming Gloat for a few months! A convertible... and bright crimson red!.. to match my favorite lipstick. My contract at MGM had me making a walloping $40,000 a week for my musicals with the Nicholas Brothers, Eric Blore, Edward Everett Horton, John Payne, and Muriel the Society Hostess Chimpanzee. And then one night, after a drinking binge, I drove my Gloat convertible over the edge of Stardust Canyon just outside my mansion. I was only slightly injured, but the unmistakable smell of Prince Matchabelli on my breath (my martini of choice) and the spilled Maraschino cherries all over the front seat got me arrested for DWI. I threw myself on the mercy of the court! But I think it's because I threw up right afterwards that got me thrown in jail for ten days.... even though the judge said that my vomit smelled nice!... just like his grandmother…

[Want to read other fun and funny stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!]

...from Sybil Bruncheon's "EASTER EGGS-traordinaries"... Poka-Ma-Hola, Idaho.

/
Copy of Easter Scary #4 (627).jpg

As folks get ready for the Easter celebrations, many young ladies of style and refinement pay a visit to the local Beauty Parlor for a new Spring hair-do.....and that's just what's happening at the Mr. Nancy's Fine & Fancy Cut 'N' Couture Castle..... down on Merrybee and Main in the heart of town. Hiram Nancy, the founder and colorist, has continued his tradition of dressing up as the Easter Bunny and advising his clients on the new hues for each season over the last 37 years. And look who he has in his chair today! None other than little Felicia Trusedale, the new spelling bee champion and first runner up for the "Our Indian Heritage - Miss Pow WOW" title given last week at the Veteran's Palace of Fine and Interpretive Arts. Little Felicia had finished first in the Swimsuit competition (two-piece / 8 and under) and first in the talent competition (her talent was "How to Scalp a Barbie") but apparently froze up during the question and answer when she was asked "How do you say Nebuchadnezzar backwards?.. and use it in a compound declarative sentence!"...

Never a poor loser, little Felicia is seen here discussing the new auburn options to cover up her grey, especially at the temples! ...and just in time for her Elementary School Cotillion! She has her eyes on handsome dodge-ball champion, Richie Palinsack from the Our Lady of Constant Cataclysms Academy. Be home by midnight, you two Lovebirds!! ...and Mr. Nancy? Don't forget little Felicia's Tootsie-Roll Pop after her comb-out!!

[Want to read other fun and funny stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!]

Tour-ette in a puddle-jumper... rather cozy and nice windows… 3/27/2019

/

... and I guess I could help with wing-maintenance if requested!

[Want to see other videos or read other fun and funny stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!]

Sybil Bruncheon’s "Manners Are Nice #44”...

/
Sybil's Manners Are Nice #44 (1271C).jpg

... Neal thought it would be fun to have a tea party in his new apartment, especially because he had just moved to the big city a week earlier, and he wanted to impress his new neighbors, all of whom had been so welcoming. The folks back home had warned him that people in big cities were unfriendly, perhaps even snobby, or prone to inappropriate touching in elevators, subways, movie theatres, and the fresh produce aisle at the grocery, especially with oblong vegetables! But Neal had met only the nicest men and women. And so, on his first weekend, he baked lingonberry scones and Belgian chocolate croissants, brewed very fine and rare Da Hong Pao tea, and set out various other delicacies. He invited the nice girl next door, Emily Hankle, and she asked if she could bring her father Malcolm. He was visiting from Grennith Falls which was coincidentally a town only 27 miles from Winnetka Pass, the town that Neal had just moved from. Emily knew they would have so much in common to talk about; and an afternoon tea was one of the nicest ways to break the ice between new acquaintances. Neal and Malcolm did indeed seem to enjoy each other's company, and Malcolm was glad to see that Neal was such a gentleman with his daughter. Even when Malcolm gobbled down most of the home-made pastries, all the jellies right out of the bowls, and ate the teapot, Neal was gracious...and invited them both back the following Saturday. He'd read in a book on manners that "A gracious host always makes his guests feel welcome, and never, ever skimps on refreshments!!" .....even if the refreshments happen to include his grandmother's Royal Doulton china....

[Want to read other fun and funny stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!]

Sybil Bruncheon's "Manners Are Nice #43"... Down On The Farm...

/
Sybil's Manners Are Nice #43 Cropped (1271).jpg

Bill explained to Helen that using motorized vehicles, mechanical devices, and even farm tools for personal bodily functions was not lady-like... and probably unsanitary. Helen didn't hear him at first because she was thinking about something else...and her eyes were closed. But when he honked the horn she decided he might be right....especially when he threw the Oldsmobile into reverse. Always the gentleman, Bill offered to help her down...and to unsnag her stocking from the spokes....and then they went to the soda shop.

[Want to read other fun and funny stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!]

Sybil Bruncheon's "Manners Are Nice #49”... Jackie-Ann Remembers Sunday School…

/
Vintage Airlines CANAPES.jpg

Jackie-Ann was very excited to be flying to New York City from her home in Nevada. The airline was highly recommended though NOT one she had heard of on television commercials or seen in the ladies' magazines at the beauty parlor. Still, her cousin Rita had booked the entire trip through the travel agency she worked at, and Jackie-Ann didn't want to seem ungrateful. "Ingratitude for kindnesses is very impolite and the blesséd Savior hates discourtesy... and burns it in Holy Fire!" is what her Aunt Francina had always taught her in Sunday School. And then she would light a piece of paper in an ashtray and say, "Look little children! That is a soul that is going to HELL!"... (Jackie-Ann would comfort the children who might start crying, and tell them that even though her Aunt Francina might sound mad, she was actually very nice and made delicious oatmeal cookies.)

Anyway, Jackie-Ann boarded the flight and sat next to a salesman named Fritz from Las Vegas who said he sold ladies' clothes for special occasions, like if they danced onstage and liked to kick their legs up, or even put them behind their heads. Jackie-Ann said she had never seen that kind of dance before, and Fritz said he'd like to show her sometime. Then he ordered champagne from the nice stewardess who seemed to be a friend of his because she kept calling him "Fritzy". The stewardess' name was Bambi-Lynn, and she poured herself a glass of champagne too and winked at them and said "For LATER!". She and Fritz giggled.

After a while, it was time for dinner to be served. Jackie-Ann noticed a couple of things. First of all, the inside of the plane seemed to be rather chilly. She didn't mind so much because she was wearing a charming bouclée suit in purple that she had made in sewing class in high school a few years back. But when Bambi-Lynn came back down the aisle, she was wearing a wool poncho with an attached hood and gloves! Not ladies' gloves! SKIING gloves! And Bambi-Lynn wasn't pushing a beautiful cart with all sorts of fancy dinner items on it like roast beef, pork chops, and Mignonettes d'Agneau Avec Groseilles à Maquereau et Œufs de Caille, hot rolls, steaming vegetables, and glorious desserts. Instead, Bambi-Lynn set up a "TV tray" that was slightly bent and rocked a little, and put plates of rolled up cold-cuts and cheeses, and said "Help yourself, Folks! I'll bring some mayo and mustard! Do you like Wonder Bread?". She also had a tray full of Ritz crackers that she had put peanut butter and olives on, or sardines and grape jelly... or Marshmallow Fluff and Raisinettes. Bambi-Lynn said the Marshmallow Fluff ones were her "favorites" because Raisinettes are actually "French". She even pronounced them as "Rayson-ays". Fritz seemed very impressed and said, "Isn't Bambi-Lynn a pisser?".

Jackie-Ann had never been outside of Nevada and was very concerned that she might not seem sophisticated or fancy to the people she might meet on her travels, but she began to suspect that maybe Bambi-Lynn and Fritz weren't all that fancy themselves. Nevertheless, she remembered her Aunt Francina, and Sunday school, and the burning paper, and she thought that good manners meant that she should laugh along with Fritz and Bambi-Lynn when they said jokes and winked. She hoped that it would make the flight be more fun even if it was freezing cold, the food tasted stale, and the TV tray finally fell over when Fritz got drunk and tried to sit on it so he could be in front of her when he explained about the strange leg-dancing. Jackie-Lynn kept being polite even with mustard and olive loaf on her skirt.

[Want to read other fun and funny stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!]

FAMOUS FICTIONAL CHARACTERS…

/

…that ended up on “the cutting room floor”:

1) Kiki and Cherry-Mae Harrington, sisters of Eve Harrington, who had NO talent for acting but were quite successful at arson and Ponzi schemes. Eventually, after all three served prison terms, they returned to Milwaukee and resumed their lives as the Slescynski triplets in a brewery. Margo Channing had Eve's Equity card and Sarah Siddon's award revoked.

2) Bone-Spur and Mildew, two of the more unpleasant fairies in A MIDSUMMER NIGHT’S DREAM who pelted Puck with cow-pies in the opening scenes in the woods and gave all four of the young lovers crabs and the clap.

3) Sharon and Cornelia, sisters to Jamie and Eugene in A LONG DAY’S JOURNEY INTO NIGHT. Neither drunks nor suffering from tuberculosis, they were nevertheless pretentious social climbers and party-girls who would come to New York City and boo their father’s performances onstage from the back of the balcony and then score drugs for their mother in the alley behind the Shubert Theatre.

4) Hidee-oshi and Moo Goo, two evil river demons who try to poke out the eyes of Ariel, THE LITTLE MERMAID. The Disney company loved the two villains but decided to use them instead in a horror sequel called ZOMBIE APO-CALYPSO!... a musical set in Haiti during a weekend of rough sex, piña coladas, earthquakes, hurricanes, and of course, the undead. Rated XXX.

5) Chew-Sette and Dorothy Vader: the long-suffering wives of a Wookie and the “Baddest Bongo-Man In The Universe”. It was bought as a pilot for a sit-com spin-off of the old I LOVE LUCY show, about their misadventures selling intergalactic salad dressing and wrapping chocolate covered sventroo eyeballs in a candy factory on Tatooine.

6) Franchina and Cosetta, two little witches with hormone problems who age prematurely at Hogwarts, and are forced out of Slytherin and into a special “Potions and Puberty” program with Snape. In the third film, he accidentally turned them into a two-headed boy and a goat, respectively. They remained close friends, but sadly, Franchina rode Cosetta off a cliff in the Half-Blood Prince.

7) Biff Lustica and Mort Kunch: two of the less convincing Cagelles in LA CAGE AUX FOLLES. Not particularly pretty, girlish, svelte, or even with any sense of rhythm, they are finally excused from the chorus, and take up careers backstage as the accountant and the truck driver for the scenery.

8) Mrs. Oaf and The Ghouless: two characters in Hans Christian Andersen fairy tales. Andersen continued to try to fit the two women into several of his stories as sadistic headmistresses, evil queens, angry ghosts, vengeful sorceresses, and finally cannibals… or shoplifters, but gave up and handed the two off to the Brothers Grimm who decided they were too evil even for the wicked stepsisters in Cinderella. Mrs. Oaf may have ended up being the model for the troll under the bridge for THE THREE BILLY GOATS GRUFF, and the Ghouless was slated to be Casper the Friendly Ghost’s mother who smothered him with a pillow at the age of 6.

9) Frances Unger and Blanche Madison: wives of Felix and Oscar in THE ODD COUPLE, who, once their husbands are out of their homes, console each other and even celebrate their new found liberation. As the two men unravel, the wives find that they are drawn together and become lovers. Only when it appears that Felix and later Oscar may try to rekindle their heterosexual marriages to their ex-wives do the ladies finally kill and dismember the men, serving them as cat food at a rescue shelter for LGBTQ pets.

10) Wilburine and Orvillette Gulch: sisters to Almira Gulch, local society doyenne in Dustville, Kansas. The three sisters owned most of the county through their father’s invention of the Dust-Bowl Buster, a circular broom with a propeller and a crank. After Almira’s untimely death in a freak tornado/bucket accident, Wilburine and Orvillette attached their Dust-Bowl Buster to a bicycle built for two, and invented the first Crop-Duster.

[Want to read other fun and funny stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!]