Sybil Bruncheon's "Thanksgivings Past!... Before The Parade Passes By!"...

Long before Macy's spent millions and millions of dollars over an entire year getting ready for the annual Thanksgiving Day Parade, there was, of course, a "first parade". The story goes that a Mr. Hiram Neenokker in the "Gentlemen's Tools & Repair Implements" department got together with his pals Maury Spinnaker from "Paints & Shingling" and Marcus Pompule in "Ties & Cravats" and decided to put on a little celebration for the holiday. Mrs. Crowley in the Ladies' Luncheonette on the 6th floor said she had a farm wagon in her backyard and some trees that needed to be cut down for the new driveway, and Myrtle-Anne Maplehead had leftover costumes from the Mt. Zenith Ice Cream Sociable in September (their theme had been our "Indian Friends and Their Bounteous Welcome to Our Ancestors". They all got together on Thanksgiving morning after a night of rum-punch and pinochle and drove their improvised "scenic tableaux" as Mr. Pompule called it down Lefkowitz Blvd. before they were ticketed by the police. The board of directors at Macy's found out in the police gazette the next day, and on Monday, thanked the group explaining that perhaps "they'd like some help the following year with their nice little idea"...

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Thanksgiving Household Hints & Helpfuls!"...

Facebook Friends!… Making plans for your Thanksgiving?? Why not get in touch with the Institute of Advanced Thankfulness & Attendant Festivities? They have a staff of internationally recognized experts who have lifted the traditional "turkey 'n' stuffing" we all grew up with into a science. And by applying protocols of research, experimentation, and advanced study they have made breakthroughs that may eliminate all the trial and error of improvised side dishes, improperly prepared recipes from Grandma, dried out or fossilized turkey carcasses, bizarre Jello concoctions, and timing catastrophes between arrivals of appetizers and apple pies. They can even provide the modern housewife with special garments which aid in the whole process and protect her from injury while giving her every kitchen utensil she could possibly need. Why not get in touch with our staff today? Just call I-M-N-O-T-U-R-K-E-Y... that's right! Dial 466-688-7539. The nice man will tell you how to order!… and wait! This just in! If you order now, you’ll receive the new miniature carry-all purse-sized version of these handy dandy items… invented by our own Dr. Heidi Klieber, it’s the new “Swiss Army Wife”!… Perfect for Picnics, Parties, or the Battle-Front! It can perform over 76 different “wifely-functions”!… even after “lights-out”!... Call today!

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Thanksgivings Yet To Come!...

... yes, Facebook Friends! In the future, families will STILL be trying to time the turkey, stuffing, sweet potatoes, Brussels sprouts, glazed carrots, mashed potatoes, green beans, casseroles, dinner rolls, pumpkin, mince, and apple pies....and they'll still be getting it wrong even on Thanksgiving… in 2183 AD.

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Thanksgiving Headlines From Around The World!...11/25/2010

GIANT BOSOM ATTACKS NEW JERSEY!!!..... Today, it was confirmed that a massive mammary gland escaped its handlers and attacked various communities as it lumbered unimpeded across the New Jersey countryside. Extensive property damage was followed tragically by injuries and loss of life. Casualties already number over 100, and the death toll has reached 11 with most victims being smothered… although many have been found with smiles on their faces. Former Governor Christie has been conspicuously absent for comment arousing suspicions that the bosom may, in fact, be his!.. authorities, aviation officials, medical personnel, and publishers of cheap nudie-calendars are still trying to determine if it is a left or a right bosom...The police have asked that if you spot the breast in question, you use extreme caution in approaching it. It should be considered extremely dangerous, and possibly armed… or lactating. Do not in any way try to handle it as it may become highly agitated and/or aroused.... Details at 6... 8mm film and lubricant at 11...

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Sybil Bruncheon's "A Whole Month Of THANKSGIVING!"... Other Lands, Other Tastes!

True Story! You look at this photo and see a very unattractive person and two unappetizing side dishes!! But did you know that in Papua New Guinea, this is an actual menu at an expensive restaurant for an elegant entrée and two delicious side dishes at a Thanksgiving banquet?... Well, it is!

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Sybil Bruncheon’s “OUR THANKSGIVING HERITAGE: A Nice Smile Opens Many Doors”...

...Yes, Friends, it's time for another deeply moving tale from Thanksgivings past.... Did you know that when the first pilgrims made their long and arduous journey to the New World they came without all the comforts and niceties that their friends and neighbors still had in Merry Old England! There were no greengrocers, no apotha-- apotha--- apotha--- drug stores, no fragrance counters, nor even dentists! And so the pilgrims were glad to learn from their Native American hosts all sorts of local traditions!...like replacing crumbling teeth with a fine array of kiln dried corn kernels... And they were interchangeable so one could change one's teeth with the latest Fall-fashion color forecasts....although of course basic black goes with everything!!! And oh, how the Indians would smile and point and even laugh with joy at the pilgrims when they first stepped outside with their new smiles in place!! Point and laugh! Point and laugh! Oh, what lovely neighbors they were to the Pilgrims! Hallelujah!

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