Happy Hanukkah!... and a nice little friend to celebrate it with!...

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Hello, Friends! I want to wish you all a very Happy Hanukkah! ....You know, folks, the Coca Cola people marketed Santa Claus starting in 1931 during the height of the Depression.... but who was around to celebrate the wonderful festival of Hanukkah?..."The Festival Of Lights"!..... eventually, some nice people in Hollywood thought up a charming character to match Santa! .....the outfit I'm wearing in this photo is the famous folk costume of "Gilda The Gelt-Girl" who comes around to nice Jewish households during Hanukkah; NOT down the chimney (for Heaven's sake!) where she could get filthy and maybe tear something! NO! She comes through an unlocked sliding glass door on the lanai or through an attached garage, etc.

On the first night, she looks for good girls and boys and leaves them delicious GELT or envelopes of cash that they can put towards a nice nose job or a convertible! And for bad children she leaves GUILT, (which isn't very effective with this new entitled generation of kids, is it?!) Please don't ever leave her plates of cookies like you do for Santa! She's watching her waistline!...but she has been known to "lift" a lovely little tchotchke off a side table or from Grandma's purse....so clean up any clutter you don't want pawed through! By the way, that's her magical "Gelt Pocket" on her apron where she keeps her chocolate treats, and she's carrying her enchanted "Oy Veys Mirror" through which she can see all the good and bad little children! (Those bastards at Romper Room stole her "magic-mirror" idea back in the 1950s, and she hasn't collected ONE DAMN CENT in royalties!)

And remember that at this Holiday season, Mummie loves you very much if you've been good.... (and ESPECIALLY if you've been very BAD!) Love and Xoxoxox, Sybil.

(ps. Don't worry!! Mummie's nice little Dreidel Dress is flame retardant! ...just in case I back into a menorah! I HAVE been known to do just that skulking around the house sometimes! ...and Santa and I have a big laugh too about what trouble we've gotten into rifling through people's stuff!)...

(Sybil’s dreidel dress was designed by Gefil Tefish at the Hefty Highness Hide-away)

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Sybil Bruncheon's Tales of Christmases Past.... The Fitzwillys....

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...and then, much to their horror, Reginald and Hiram Fitzwilly were confronted by the Ghost of Whimsical Extravagances Past, who, after mumbling names of cheap colognes, and bumping into the china cabinet, proceeded to make bad faces at the brothers and showed them its "private" areas while humming the Village People's "Y.M.C.A.”…

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[Christmas Wishes made to the Christmas Tree!] Jamie Shannon, 17 years old:

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..."and Christmas tree?? ...my special secret Christmas wish is that this particular Santa will give me both the tap and the ballet shoes, the baton with flammable caps, the accordion, the 12' feather boa, and the lacrosse stick since I went to the Ramada Inn with him last night! .....oh, and one other thing! .. can you make sure I'm not a centerfold again in Highlights magazine???".. 

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Christmas Shopping... Here's an idea!

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Darlings! With all the Holiday and office parties starting up, you might want to bring this wonderful new addition to YOUR home...!!! Here's Sybil Bruncheon in the privacy of her home riding the new EAZY-GLYDE STARE-KASE...a wonderful safety feature that allows folks to chat, doze, drink, even fall down while moving from one floor to another in their homes. Sybil sez,"I've fallen and I can't get up!!.... but I'm riding my EAZY-GLYDE, and I should hit the second floor in a minute or two! Thanks, EAZY-GLYDE!!". Just pick up your phone and dial I-M-F-A-C-E-D-O-W-N..... that's 463-223-3696. The nice lady will tell you how to order! 

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Christmas...and Intolerance....

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A Christmas Story About Intolerance: ....and then, when Debra Marie brought home her new boyfriend!....Well, she had always been precocious for her age, and had very definite ideas about the men she dated, even in kindergarten! Her parents were very progressive and felt that she should be allowed to express her inner-child libido at the Acacius Page School For Advanced Adolescence, but they were disconcerted at Holiday time when Debra Marie walked in with her dinner companion. It wasn't that he was only eight and smoked a pipe. Or that he drank, (and expensive champagne at that!)...it was...well...it was that he was... “an albino”. (That’s what Debra Marie heard her parents whisper to their friends at the buffet table over the fondue pot.) And they were forced to realize that they weren't quite the liberals they had thought they were all these years.... They tried to be very gracious, but Debra Marie could see “the look”. ….you know. THAT look, in their eyes....

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Christmas Around The World....and visitors to other stables...

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SYBIL’S STORY BOOK CORNER: Children! Did you know that in other countries, people celebrate Christmas in a different way than we do? For instance, we all know the story of how the three wise men came from far away to the stable where Joseph and Mary had the baby Jesus in a manger and all the nice animals stood nearby with simple villagers and everyone was very quiet while the beautiful star shone overhead in the sky. But in the country of Märg Pieru, children celebrate the festival of St.Viska Mänguasi on the third Tuesday of December. The oldest girl in each household selects her favorite doll, and dresses it in leaves, grasses, twigs, and freshly baked cookies shaped like Maltese crosses and puts it into a specially carved cradle handed down in the family from generation to generation...or picked up in a garage sale down the lane. At midnight, neighbors armed with noisemakers and roving around the town in bands, bang on the door and demand to be let in to look at the holy baby. The townspeople are dressed in special costumes! Although there may be three wise men, there are other more famous characters for the sacred play including (in the middle) Joseph in the derby, and the blessed Virgin in a mantilla and bouquet of flowers.Then, clockwise from lower left, Chippy the Overly-Friendly Hobo, Mr. Millicent the Hairdresser and Friend to Lonely-Ladies-Everywhere, Klepto his Pet Monkey, Scabbo the Scratcher, Wizardene Who Makes Expensive Things Disappear, Chinee The Poking Pirate, Pow-WOW the Indian Lady Who Carries Around Someone Else's Arm As A Pointer, and finally Chee-Chee the Charcoal Briquette. Now children, be honest! Doesn't that group of visitors to the stable sound a little more interesting than OURS!?!?

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Christmas Celebrations Around The World: Miss Porter's Academy....

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Christmas Celebrations Around The World!:........Here at the Miss Porter's Academy For Extraordinary Young Ladies, the holiday parties have begun! This is a photo of the "Animal Husbandry Class 101".... (sadly, some of the girls completely misunderstood the terminology of "animal husbandry"..... 3 of them married goats, 2 married donkeys, 2 married Shetland ponies, and 1 married a moose.... (but then she had always been a New Haven Republican)...

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[Christmas Wishes made to the Christmas Tree!] Jackie Morrison, 11 years old:

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 ".....and Christmas tree?? ...my special secret Christmas wish is that Mr. Brown will continue to make payments to me and my Cub Scout gang to keep quiet about his naked-jumping-jack club and we won't have to rough him up again back in "Santa's Workshop" at the Woolworth's ...oh, and one other thing.... I'd like a pair of brass knuckles to protect my pitching hand for Pee-Wee League in the Spring!!!"

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Sybil Bruncheon asks, “Christmas shopping??...”

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Hey, Facebook Friends!! Still Christmas shopping?? ...and can't find just the right gift??.... how about the new Ronco, "Porta-Gas-Chamber"...for those last minute, on-the-spot executions in rural areas that are too hard to drive to..... "Now Mr. Cyanide can come to YOU!... and clean-up afterward is easy!!!"..... Just dial D-E-A-T-H P-E-N-A-L-T-Y..! That's right, dial 332-847-3625....and leave the last "TY" off for "Thank You"! ...the nice man will tell you how to order!

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