Sybil Bruncheon’s “A DEBBIE DOWNER ALERT”... even at Holiday Time!

Do you have a Debbie Downer on your Facebook page? I do.. Even at Holiday Time!!!! They just look at your photos but don’t read the story and then make stupid or redundant statements! Or they “help” rewrite your story in their comments never having written a story themselves; they snark about this or that on YOUR posts but never offer anything of interest on their own pages; tell you how wrinkled, old, fat, or ugly you are while looking like Jabba The Hutt themselves; …Oh, the list goes on and on! And so, in the spirit of Holiday merry-making and cheer, I’m posting some of my very favorite comments that I’ve gotten THIS past year! Sadly, there’s only room for ten, but OH how I could fill the room! If nothing else, Debbie Downer is prolific!….

-1) "Sybil, dear, technically nutmeg is also a fruit and should never be given to children because of its hallucinogenic qualities. You're thoughtless... and should be arrested!"

- 2) "Have you ever considered what would have happened had Tiny Tim been a Buddhist and believed in his own reincarnation?"

- 3) "Some readers may not realize that you're making a joke about plum pudding because they have been injured in a fiery dessert catastrophe. I don't think being burned by a pudding is funny. I feel sorry for you."

- 4) "That is Alistair Sim as Scrooge... but I like Reginald Owen... or is it Reginald Gardner?.... or is it Reginald Marsh?"...

- 5) "I have an allergy to cranberries and popcorn but I CAN eat the string. I like eating string, thread, and angel hair spaghetti. Heck, I like eating hair, period!"

- 6) "Isn't it funny? Holly is very poisonous! So is mistletoe! Very Poisonous! And poinsettias are very poisonous....technically, everything about Christmas is very poisonous. That's why I hate Santa Claus! And I told him so at Macy's...right before I slugged him."

- 7) "I got coal in my stocking one year, and I heated my washing machine box in the alley for a week. I was warm... but I had to eat my cat... and my box finally caught fire."

- 8) "Why a miracle on 34th Street....and which one too? East 34th or West 34th? I waited for three hours on East 34th and 2nd Avenue, and nothing happened....until a bus splashed me with mud."....

- 9) "I almost hit a reindeer once....but I was on my sled and it ran away. I was scared and cried and cried.... I was 37 at the time."

- 10) "Sybil...I do a one-woman show of the nativity scene and I play all the parts, including the shepherds, the stable owner and his wife, the three wise men and Mary, Joseph, and the blesséd Christ-child. My favorite part though is getting on all fours and making animal sounds and pretending I live in a barn! Oh, and for that part, I take off all my clothes.”… Yup!

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Sybil Bruncheon's Christmas Celebrations From Around The World... Zanesville, Ohio!...

The Veteran's Hall in conjunction with the local 4H Club, the Sons Of Italy, the Kiwanis Club, and the Touch-Mee/Feel-Mee Petting Zoo have all decided to produce this year’s Christmas pageant for the public. The script is an updated version of the classic Nativity. Here we see the arrival of the "three wise men"; they are from left to right "Meyer the Kosher Shoemaker", "Prince Theo of Pixie-Ville", and "Sandy the Man-Woman Who Smells Like Pumpkin-Spice Air Freshener".... the crowd in the background represents various barnyard animals “milling and low-ing” to and fro from their office jobs on the Holy Night. Oh, and there down in the front left of the photo is Mrs. Enid Gruler, the mayor’s wife, who is playing the Virgin Mary for the 65th time…

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Christmases Past!".... Prudholme's Falls, Kansas... The Home of Gaston Cruller:

       The home of Gaston Cruller. Gaston was born blind but had a wide circle of friends at the university where he taught Comparative Anthropological Historiography in a Geo-Literal Matrix...101. His colleagues felt that he always missed out on the immense beauty of the Christmas tradition because of his handicap and so they decided to surprise him by putting up a Christmas tree fully decorated and lit with tapers by the time he got home from evening classes.... His best friend, Ricardo Farabont, professor of Romance Linguistics & Limericks had invited everyone over...There was Phillip Coffey from the Archaeology of Housewares Department, his fiancee, Miss Gwedolyn Linkeny from Advanced Calculus & Cuisine, Dr. Klaybourne Fench of the Department of Particle (and Larger Pieces) Physics, and Edith Shmedski of the Doctoral Program of Home Ec. What a charming circle of loyal and loving friends they were, and more were expected within the hour.... 

      Sadly, one Christmas, while all of them went to the kitchen to begin assembling the refreshments and buffet supper to be served, Gaston wandered away to enjoy the tree with the only senses left to him.... smell, taste, hearing, and touch. While plucking various branches of the fresh evergreen to smell, and possibly eat, he accidentally ignited one of the nice angels in the branches that promptly plummeted down to “Bethlehem” and into the middle of the stable in the creche below... within seconds, most of the barnyard animals were incinerated along with two of the wise men (possibly Melchior and Balthazar according to investigators later.) The innkeeper and his wife were also badly burned along with various villagers who had come to see what was happening in the stable. The villagers were indeed “sore afraid”! 

     Fortunately, Mary, Joseph, and the Blessed Savior were thrown completely clear when the barn exploded.... two camels were lost, an ox and lamb, a small drummer boy, neighbouring hovels and cottages...all lost. ….Indeed, if Edith Smedski hadn't run in with a seltzer bottle, all of Bethlehem and the Holy Star itself might have been consumed! (Thankfully, her father had been a clown!) The place smelled of charred wood with a hint of myrrh, papier-mâché, and Elmer’s glue. Gaston was miraculously uninjured although the lime green plaid cravat he always insisted on wearing with his tangerine polka-dot waistcoat and purple elephant suspenders was singed beyond repair. His friends used it all as an excuse to buy him a new wardrobe to THEIR specifications.... and they decided a menorah might be a better choice for the next year... but, oh, how wrong they were.....

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