Sybil Bruncheon’s 31 Days of Halloween!!!... Just out of reach!

Friends! Be Honest! Are you one of those people who raids your children's Trick-or-Treat bags when they come home after Halloween? Perhaps you sneak candy out in the middle of the night claiming it was the "Tooth Fairy", "Santa Claus"... or "Jimmy Hoffa".... Or are you one of those folks at the office who raids the candy bowl and takes all the Snickers bars... or the Baby Ruths?... Well, did you know that now you can join "Bon Bons Anonymous"... a non-profit and highly compassionate organization that curbs the desperate and uncontrolled desire for commercial an d individually wrapped sweets! You and others like you will be...um...guided away from temptation with counseling, encouragement, spiritual exercises, and other modern "methods" to keep you on the righteous path to physical and emotional salvation… and with special “aversion equipment”. But wait! YOU have to take the first step! That is, if you WANT to get well... ...Call our offices today! Just dial S-T-I-K-Y F-I-N-G-A...!! That's right, dial 784-593-4642.... The nice man will tell you how to order!

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Sybil Bruncheon’s 31 Days of Halloween… What to wear??...

Questions for Sybil: I am always ready for Halloween. But it’s kinda hard to really enjoy in central Florida. Ya need really cool enough weather for costumes. What do you think??

Sybil: So true... and I never really feel comfortable with children Trick-or-Treating in coconut brassieres and grass skirts... it just isn't DONE!!! Perhaps it’s the lipstick and the false eyelashes! Even on the girls! Of course, when I was a child, my parents who were members of a “free-love society” dressed my twin sister Dagmar and I as Adam & Eve… in nothing but cardboard cut-out fig-leaves… (and not very big ones at that!) They had fallen on hard-times through bad investments in flavored toothpastes (caviar, escargot, sole meuniere, etc.), but my mother didn’t want Dagmar and me to “go without on Halloween”!

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Sybil Bruncheon’s 31 Days of Halloween: A Simple Request…

Boys and Girls! Mummie wants to remind you when you’re making your Halloween costumes… it’s quite alright to be a ghost or a goblin or a witch… but let’s never paint our faces black, even if your older brother in college and his fraternity friends in a pick-up truck say it’s ok! It’s NOT!

And if they call you stupid, tell them your pal Sybil Bruncheon has big muscles and will punch them in their pitubees!!

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Sybil Bruncheon’s 31 Days of Halloween: Tricks-or-TREATS?

Boys and Girls! Mummie wants to remind you when you’re out Trick-or-Treating!... ALWAYS have a grown-up check all your candies BEFORE you eat them… sometimes a bad man might hide something in your sweets that would give you a tummy-ache… or worse!

And also; make sure the grown-up who helps you is your Daddy or Mommy… and not just a man who drives up in a van with tinted windows and no license plates.

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Sybil Bruncheon's 31 Days of Halloween, and Beyond!...

True Story! Did you know that as the Great Depression deepened in 1930 and on into 1931, folks tried anything they could think of to lift their spirits. Finally, as Halloween neared, some inventive people decided to bring Trick-or-Treating TO the children instead of the Treaters coming to the neighbors' front doors... Nice ladies with special trays would walk the streets distributing candies, homemade cupcakes, and other sweets to grateful and pleasantly surprised passers-by. It all worked out beautifully!... and Halloween in 1931 was always remembered as a magical time by people all over the United States.

It worked out so beautifully, that the following Halloween in 1932, Trick-or-Treating was extended past the 31st and on into the first week of November. Again, a season of cheer, simple joys, and even a general optimism and feeling of shared brotherhood with one's fellow citizens. The following year, as the Depression worsened and the economy and stock market plummeted even further, the Trick-or-Treat Tray-Ladies (as they were NOW known!) continued to distribute all sorts of things through the Fall, past Christmas, and into the New Year.

Sadly, they had given up handing out only candies and had moved on to cheaply manufactured cosmetics that caused rashes, bath-tub hootch made out of paint thinner, defective nylons and underpants, old scratched record albums with filthy songs, and stained photos of bad people with no clothes on making funny faces... Needless to say, they made a fortune. But Halloween in the second half of the 20th century never really recovered...   

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Halloween Morning-Afters"... #19…

… So you and your friends discuss Trick-or-Treating triumphs... and tragedies... and why did the Fergusons hand out stale candy corn again this year?!?! (sigh!)...

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Halloween Morning-Afters"... #62…

… So you and your friends discuss Trick-or-Treating triumphs... and tragedies... and why did the Fergusons hand out stale candy corn again this year?!?! (sigh!)...

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Halloween Morning-Afters"... #182…

… That awful moment when you realize... maybe you ate one too many Twizzlers...

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Halloween Morning-Afters"… #26...

... You immediately start fittings for next year's costume after your Halloween party fiasco last night...

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Sybil Bruncheon's "31 DAYS OF HALLOWEEN!".... what is that, there in the shadows?...

Halloween Melon Lady (976).jpg

....the tradition had always been to make a wonderful costume either with your friends in the weeks before the big night, or do it all separately from them all so you could surprise them on Halloween night at the parties before everyone went out Trick-or-Treating. That was the tradition... and it was a good one... and one that everyone trusted, generation to generation... father to son, mother to daughter... on and on... Until the Bad Time came.... when children were no longer safe to go out into the night and only play at being scared, and to gather candies in exchange for facing their childhood fears.

True, in the past, there were occasions, rare, very rare occasions when a child might go missing, but those were very few and far between. But NOW... in the Bad Time, no one would dream of sending a child off into the night, not in the neighborhood, not even into the gentle countryside to celebrate the merriment and mystery of Halloween without watchful, even fearful adults, hovering, questioning, fretting.... And that was why, when she appeared out of nowhere... well, so much upheaval. Rumors whispered, compounded on more rumors... wild, strange terrifying stories about horrible, horrible... too horrible to even name. Grown-ups spent sleepless nights…or else endless nights of strange, heated sleep, sweating but frozen too till they shivered and ached in their soaking wet sheets...tangled and twisted with dreadful visions... to wake exhausted into flat gray mornings. Too gray to even know if it was morning..

She was nameless, so someone, unnamed themselves, called her The Melon Lady because of that... was it a face? ...At some point, she became The Melon Lady. And her reputation was instantly known far and wide because she had been named. Her .... "proclivities"...and "habits" had been witnessed...from "remains".... but it was the naming that made everything so final. And so factual. There was the fact now of what she could do...and might do.. and how much farther and more grotesque it might get...if she wasn't stopped...She had to be stopped. But how? The banal powers of the "modern world" were useless...stupid and clumsy.

You see, the Bad Time had created her ...and made her necessary... in an odd irony. The Bad Time had brought her here...and she was created out of the great mystery of the thing known as Balance. And that Balance was what was both a horror…and a comfort. For you see The Melon Lady was the one who did the bad things… to the bad people. It started out only as rumors… a person would be found perhaps days after being reported missing… well parts of them would be found..in various places where many people would find what she had left behind. There would sometimes be writing …on the pieces.. or if fire was involved, then on a wall nearby.. or a note pinned to a doorway. As the acts became more hideous, a sort of humor would be injected… the notes would be scrawled on fine stationery… in blood… or ..No!... it was lipstick… It started out as a word or two, a phrase, but eventually they turned into short poems with deliberately bad punctuation, misspellings, dangling modifiers… split infinitives… or… “provocative” drawings… drawings that sneered at the victim, and insulted his or her family… and even threatened them as well…

And so, she became bolder, more brazen in her daring… the Balance required that, as the Bad Time worsened, she had to be more… thorough. Because she was the Protector of children. The Avenger. The Terrible Price. Her names became manifold…. So it was easier, more expedient… and more terrible just to say that The Melon Lady had come. The Melon Lady had been there. The Melon Lady had left.. that… behind. The Melon Lady would punish you. And she did. She always did. …and …gradually the Bad Time and its friends began to be burned away… She was never wrong. The Balance was infallible… She was The Melon Lady… and children everywhere grew to love her… love her very much.

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