Sybil’s “Quit Yer Belly-Achin’!!!”… Hard Times In Girls’ Schools In The Depression!

So many kids today complain about iPhones vs. Androids, cable TV vs. Live Streaming, Jenners vs, Kardashians… having to go to riding classes or xylophone lessons… whatever! Well, did you know that in the 1930s, even at the best private schools, there was no budget for after-school activities. Without money for uniforms, bats, balls, nets, and all the other equipment and accessories for sports, young people were forced to be creative and yes, entertain themselves! And here’s a sport that they invented called “Look What The Stork Brought!”. Teams of two partners would take turns tossing younger brothers and sisters over fences, hanging laundry, brick walls, chimneys, electrical power lines, or even garages and tool sheds; extra points for greater and greater distances and heights! Bonuses would also be accrued if the tossed child didn’t cry after landing, and even more if said child laid very still while measurements were taken and scores added. And what fun it was to play when Mother asked you to babysit the younger kids at home! “Look What The Stork Brought” became so popular that it was declared the first “INTER-Mural Intra-Mural” sport by the Catholic Church school system, since it sometimes involved playing from one wall to another… literally!

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Sybil's "Didja Know?"... The Truly Strange Origin of Mary Poppins!

For those of you who have always loved the Mary Poppins myth, you might be thrilled to know that she was based on an actual person, although NOT on a nanny... no, a NUN! Yes! Sister Mary Margaretta Popelia lived in the St. Bernathrum-on-Flummon Convent from 1872 till her passing in 1933. Having been brought there as a newborn foundling from a doorstep in the Winter, she grew up in the Catholic faith her entire life and became attached to the church's orphanage as a teenager. She was adored by children of all ages through her entire life, and though strict, she was gentle, patient, understanding, and a great source of entertainment to her wards. She told magical stories, sang songs of her own composing, and specialized in making puppets and marionettes which she used to stage rather extraordinary play-lettes with other nuns and many of the more talented children. Her only complication with church authorities were her tea parties where she would serve communion wafers with raspberry preserves as "Holy-Scones" and occasionally let a particularly handsome priest or monsignor get a fleeting glimpse of a scarlet petticoat under her scapular. Her passing in 1933 too was provocative. She didn't actually die, at least not in the presence of her fellow sisters. At the age of 61, while tending to her heirloom root garden in a pouring rain, she happened to be pulling strenuously at a stubborn parsnip of unusual length and girth. When it broke free from the ground finally, she fell backwards with such force that a passing gust of wind seized her wimple and ever-present umbrella and carried her high over the stone wall and up into the roiling clouds where she was never seen again. The children and staff were inconsolable, and it's said that the Mary Poppins books were secretly commissioned by the Pope, Pius XI, to bring some comfort to all.

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COME NOW, DON’T SULK!… 1/14/19

Hey there! Is the Shut-Down driving you to drink? Yeah! Me TOO!... well, pour out another one and join me on my podcast COME NOW, DON'T SULK! on the Here Be Monsters network at Blog Talk Radio. That's TONIGHT! LIVE!... at 8pm EST (7 CST or your corresponding time zone), and call in to chat too! (323-784-9639) ...and make mine UP, EXTRA DRY... with EXTRA OLIVES!!!

[For recent broadcasts of COME NOW, DON’T SULK!, go to the top of the page and click on “Don’t Sulk”. And to find past seasons of Sybil’s shows, you can go to the COME NOW, DON’T SULK archive at the Here Be Monsters Network. Just click on this link: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/here-be-monsters]

Sybil's "Nutty News Near & Far-Out!"... Castalia, Ohio!

We've all heard about strange weather phenomena like a town experiencing it raining pebbles, fish, or frogs, but have you ever heard of it raining BABIES??... well, Castalia, Ohio did this past week as a peculiar occluded front drifted South from Canada and ran into the rare combination of a hyper-trephinated low pressure system colliding with a simultaneous Hallenby-reversed inversion layer... yeah, whatever. The point is that at approximately 11:38 am EST this past Sunday, the first babies began to drop out of a slightly overcast sky into the arms of strolling citizens in the tiny town in the Buckeye State. Many folks had just left church and assumed it was a miracle, while less religiously inclined people thought that perhaps it was a prank being played by the networks for a television op on Monday morning's news shows.

Mrs. Hortense Havermyer called the police convinced that a nearby carnival ride might have malfunctioned and was hurling innocent children entire city blocks from their frantic parents although there were no carnivals scheduled for miles around. Mrs. Havermyer was so relieved that she decided to keep the set of identical triplets that she and husband Myer caught on the fly. A reporter from the Castalia Constant Observer asked how she felt about triplets... Three babies all at once? "What! Ya think I'm gonna toss one back?", she laughed, and the happy family toddled off to buy diapers and the new Acme Accordion stroller available at Gretelstein's Department Store.

Luckily during the downpour of newborns which lasted only about 15 minutes, none of the babies were injured or even particularly traumatized by the fall. All were caught safely, and were given lovely homes either by their catchers or by a near relative of the folks that they dropped in on. All of the babies were well-scrubbed, well-fed, and quite charming in demeanor. All were approximately between the ages of 1 and 2 1/2, and some had already started crawling, standing, and even speaking, although the words most clearly deciphered may have been "carrot", "doppelgänger", and "ashkenazy". Child psychologists from the local university were called immediately to do evaluations, and the children all seem to be normal, developmentally on track, and well adjusted. No reports of missing babies fitting the descriptions of the 38 children in the freakish downpour have been lodged in Ohio or surrounding states, and formalized adoptions are currently underway for all of them.

On another note, the Weather Channel has only one other bizarre event remotely similar to this one on record. It seems that in Boca Raton, Florida in 1971, it rained elderly people for about twenty minutes on a September afternoon. In that situation, very few citizens made an attempt to actually catch the seniors falling from the sky. Fortunately, the whole incident took place over the beach where the famously sugary sand softened their impact, but there were still many sprained wrists, and ankles and a broken hip or two, and much kvetching. "What! Why am I being dropped off here?", "Where's the canasta tournament? I'm scheduled for the opening round at 8!", and "I hope I don't have to remind the girl about raisins in my Cream of Wheat!" were heard from the cranky new arrivals. Local authorities were perplexed but released the 23 new arrivals on their own recognizance with a lunch voucher at Shrafft's. Mrs. Lefkowitz’s new dentures were never found.

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Tour-ette Minneapolis 1/10/2019 #2

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Tour-ette Minneapolis 1/10/2019 #1

Mummie goes for a stroll to get some cough syrup at 89 degrees below zero... or close enough! LOLOLOLOL!

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Tour-ette LaGuardia 1/9/2019

Sybil Bruncheon takes you on a little tour-ette at LaGuardia... we're off to Minneapolis again!

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Sybil's "Out 'n' About; News & Notions Around the Country!"…

The Ladies' Republican Club in Wayocaycucca, Ohio discussing their new season's agenda:

1) Which GOP Candidate Is Most Handsome?… and is he straight so we can introduce him to our daughters?

2) Should We Still Have Michele Bachmann Come For Our Valentine's Day Luncheon?... Mother's Day?... Halloween???... and will anyone remember who she is anyway?

3) Are Hats Coming Back Or Are They Too Reminiscent Of Mamie Eisenhower?... and was Mamie a Communist anyway?

4) Which Tulips For The New Spring Garden?... or do we hate the Dutch and the European Union??

5) Is It True That The Earth Is Actually Round???... and If So, What Should We Do About It?...

and 6) Should We Invite Some Of Those "Nice" Boys From The Lincoln-Log-Cabin-Club To Join Us Since They Think The Same Way We Do And Can Help Us With Our Hair???... any "seconds"... on the martinis??...

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Sybil's "ON THIS DATE... 1951"...

Boys and Girls, you might not be old enough to remember a time in schools when children like yourselves were taught a song called "Duck and Cover". It was about how if an atomic bomb ever exploded in your town, you should duck under your little desk and cover your head with your arms... or maybe your eyes with your little hands... whatever. But even before that, there was a funny song and game that grown-ups made up called Better Dead Than Red. The Army and the nice men at the CIA decided that if a bad country ever came to your town and wanted to kill everyone, then everyone should fall down and pretend to be dead already. This photo is of a class in Wauseon, Ohio taught by Mrs. Edith Edelin. She's doing the play-dead exercises that the Army and the President wanted us to learn. And here she's playing funny records of comedy and naughty songs to try to make any of the children laugh, and blink their eyes, and move around and show the bad people that they're really alive. Mrs. Edelin said that everyone had to be very still and think about sad things so they wouldn't laugh! Sometimes Mrs. Edelin would even walk around and poke or tickle someone… or whisper funny words in their ears… or tell them their kitty had been run over by a truck with a clown in it… or stab them with a thumbtack. "NO WRIGGLING! NO GIGGLING!", she would yell at the class. Unfortunately, little Mandy Polkoff did just that: giggle and wriggle, and Mrs. Edelin told everyone that Mandy would have gotten them all killed... or worse! That's when Sally-Anne Petrarca pushed Mandy down and yanked her pony-tail. And Jimmy Fannis took her Dale Evans lunch box and started eating the home-made brownies her grandma had made for her that weekend... right before she bumped her head... and died. And that is why, every day around the USA, classes of eight and nine year old children would spend their recess time, grabbing their throats, choking loudly, falling to the floor, and pretending to be dead... all for cookies and chocolate milk, and a special gold star on their "I'm A Play-Dead-Patriot" card at the end of each school year. And that was on this very date. Back in 1951!

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COME NOW, DON’T SULK!… 12/31/18

Hey there! Does the thought of another New Year's Eve party make you just want to KILL SOMEBODY!... yeah, me too!

[For recent broadcasts of COME NOW, DON’T SULK!, go to the top of the page and click on “Don’t Sulk”. And to find past seasons of Sybil’s shows, you can go to the COME NOW, DON’T SULK archive at the Here Be Monsters Network. Just click on this link: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/here-be-monsters]