Sybil Bruncheon's "Current Events QUIZ!"...

Which of the following headlines, opening lines, stories, and news sources goes with this photo?

a) The American President Addressed Foreign Dignitaries From The Great Poultry Producing Nations of the World. They cackled at his claim to have "the moistest and tenderest breasts of any president ever!". (from the Iowa G'Morning Standard)

b) CBS Headquarters Attacked By An Enraged Jim Gaffigan… who claims to have lost his job on CBS’s SUNDAY MORNING due to excessive corniness in his pun-riddled monologues. (NBC's TODAY Show with Hoda Howdie Ho)

c) The Lincoln Tunnel Suddenly became a giant sinkhole as Hurricane Jaime-Maria-Santa-Loquasta-Jesus-Bañana barreled into midtown NYC. 210 Dead. 4 injured. 17 late for work. (The Weather Channel with Jim Cantore... if we can find him a box of Kleenex)

d) In yet another sequel in the unending GODZILLA franchise, the iconic monster has returned from Malibu as a bleach blond and eaten Jane Russell on an ocean voyage. Still famished from the poor restaurant service and menu, he finishes off twenty-three shirtless hunks on the Olympic Mens' Interpretive Dance Team. Set in 1959, there's lots of perky musical song and dance numbers including "I'm A Seoul Survivor", "They Call Me MISTER Bigly", and "Orange You Glad To See Me?"... directed by Joshua Logan (hence all the “shirtless hunks”) - Variety

e) Delicious Low-Carb, Low-Fat, and Gluteus-Free, Free-Range foods that you can raise in your own garage or basement that will feed the family... or feed ON IT. It may take a village to raise a child, but it only takes ONE of these to eat one! Six scrumptio-licious pages with police photos of tonight's dinner! YUM! (Bon Appétit Magazine - the July issue)

f) I Am The Genetically Engineered Love-Child of Frank Perdue and Colonel Sanders (The National Enquirer)

g) Today in the news, Martha Stewart was returned to womens' prison for her unauthorized or acknowledged use of Parkay in a brownie recipe she plagiarized from Julia Child's best selling dessert book "These Are A Dead Women's Treats", published post mortem. (Food Network)

h) Can you find the fire truck, the beach ball, the billy goat, the cocker spaniel, and the banana, and the lady with the axe?

i) All of the above

Answers on page 63. (Highlights Magazine)

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