Flushing Meadow, NY.... April 22nd, 2014

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What an amazing anniversary!.... You see, in 1964, my career in show business had hit a lot of ...um..."bumps along the way", and finally stalled.... After being blacklisted for my liberal affiliations politically and dating a particularly lusty Russian freedom fighter in the 40s, I scrounged for work in regional dinner theatres, independent nudie monster films, county fair carny shows, and finally the low-end Pinsky burlesque circuit... So when the World's Fair came to Flushing, I rushed to the open auditions along with about ten GAZILLION other boys and girls... (okay! I was much olde..... er...."more mature" than most of them!).

Anyway, my..."experience" and stage presence got me a job as a Turntable Demo-Girl...in the Kitchen of the Future! I was dressed in a fabulous Givenchy house dress in shantung silk standing in the middle of a futuristic formica fantasy come-true with appliances rising from and receding into cubicles and cabinets, doors and drawers opening and closing, everything automatic and shhhushing smoothly to the "ahhhs" and "ohhhs" of adoring Americans who piled through hourly to my 18 minute shpiels... Thank God I was a quick study, a great hand model, and could keep the repeated copy of the script from sounding stale after my 58th performance of it...

Unfortunately, I DID get my fingers and hemline pinched in the machinery once in a while, especially by the "Joke-telling" refrigerator/sleep sofa. And the counter-top cutting board/color TV upstaged me mercilessly. We Turntable models got $38.00 a day for an 8 hour shift, which was good money back then (but NOTHING compared to my MGM contract back in the 1920s!), so I took extra shifts in the Prehistoric World as "Cavewoman Eaten By Tyrannosaurus" and "Squashed Thing Under Brontosaurus"...... ah, good times.... good times.

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Strange But True Springtime Stories for Shut-Ins!"...

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BREAKING NEWS! THE ARRIVAL OF SPRING: The long anticipated arrival of the Vernal Equinox and warmer weather is being celebrated with added fervor this year, and some mishaps!...

In Blaineville, New Hampshire (est. 1714, pop. 2106) Mrs. Enid Bromf who had disappeared during a leaf raking/marshmallow and weenie roast back in October suddenly reappeared yesterday at the Sunoco station on Clitter Avenue begging for assistance. Sadly, her pleas weren't comprehended as she lumbered up to a van of shrieking Girl Scouts who had been making their Thin Mints rounds. Their den mother, Mrs. Hillary Hapgarten claimed that all she could hear was "a sort of growl-gurgling version of either Row, Row, Row Your Boat, or Ave Maria as the hideous creature approached".... Mrs. Hapgarten threw her Rambler station wagon into forward and drove over Mrs. Bromf as she sped off towards Johnson's Soda Fountain & Firearms Emporium. Fortunately, the thick wads of leaves and muck which clogged poor Mrs. Bromf's mouth also padded her thoroughly from the Rambler's snow tires. As the wheels passed over her, she bounced right back up again, and managed to explain to Clem "Pumpy" Berger, the gas station attendant, what had happened, and where she had been for over 5 months! Seems she slipped down the stone steps by Meyer's Landing and became a big tangle of compost and corduroy till the Spring thaw let her loose! After a seven hour bath, Mrs. Bromf promptly ordered 87 boxes of Thin Mints and 14 boxes of Do-Si-Dos! I'm sure we all want to welcome her home, and send a big thank you to Mother Nature for her perfect timing.

(postscript: Sadly, the onus of having lived in a leaf pile for an entire Winter was so humiliating that Enid was forced to relocate to Boca Raton and adopt a new life and identity. She joined a gym, lost 37 lbs. and became a showgirl named Verna Equinox at the Boca Boom-Boom Burlesquery! She made a fortune, although she remained inordinately frightened of leaf blowers...)

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...from Sybil Bruncheon's "EASTER EGGS-traordinaries"... Three Little Girls.....

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...from Sybil Bruncheon's "EASTER EGGS-traordinaries"... Three Little Girls.....

Yes, children, today we have a sweet little tale about three lovely girls named Brynne-Marie, Muriel and Didi who grew up in a little town just like YOURS! They were polite, and loving, and fairly smart, and very clean as children should always try to be, and they curtsied when spoken to!....Did I say smart? Well, lets say that Didi Grover was the smart one because she

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Sybil Bruncheon's "HEADLINES FROM AROUND THE WORLD!"... Thawing Out!

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Spring Weather Update – Moscow, April, 2019: ...and today in the news, even as relations between Russia and the US seemed to be freezing over, Trixitina, the much-beloved circus bear lumbered out of her cave at the Moscow Zoo, and spontaneously began to play what sounded like Stravinsky’s "Rite Of Spring" on a harp standing in the snow. The sight and sound of her playing Igor Stravinsky (with surprising accuracy!!) was enough to draw an ever-growing crowd and finally, Vladimir Putin himself. The Russian president, moved to tears and paroxysms of religious ecstasy, called President Trump and immediately set up a face-to-face conference to rekindle the cooperation and friendship between the two great powers.

Trixitina's playing continued on through the day to greater and greater acclaim, and Spring itself seemed to descend on the city causing flowers and trees to begin blooming in a riot of leaves and colors more reminiscent of Paris or Holland than of chilly Russia.....

It wasn't until feeding time later in the evening that a Mr. Maslo Arakhisovoye Sendvich, the lead harpist for the Minsk "Tippy-Toes" Ballet Academy for Earnest Boys, was reported as missing!!!....and that his penny loafers were found near Trixitina's water bowl.... The next morning, a passing musicologist revealed that the bear was not playing Stravinsky, but was in fact just "banging on the harp.... and scratching it rather badly, isn't she?"... Mr. Sendvich has not been found... as yet...

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Facebook Etiquette 102.......

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Facebook Etiquette 102: Darlings! Mummie doesn't want to lecture any of you on Holidays like Passover, Easter, or Christmas Eve, (when visions of sugar plums, new gadgets, fine jewelry, bottles of expensive booze, and even new medications are dancing in your heads!) ....but PLEASE! ...remember to "like" the incoming wishes for Holiday cheer that are landing on your Facebook pages... and if you want to be especially gracious and classy, try to answer each and every one of them with something sweet right back. No one's asking you to write a serialized version of "A Christmas Carol"....Just to match some earnest courtesy and fellowship with the same. And, if you're curious, you can always check out Facebook Etiquette 101 as part of your New Year's resolutions... (or send it to that pain-in-the-ass Uncle Scrooge of yours who never acknowledges your posts to him!!) Here's the link! Sybil Sez! http://sybilsez.com/blog/2013/12/15/facebook-etiquette-101

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Holiday Update: The Hector Smedley family.....

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Holiday Bulletins From Around The World!!!...... Cushkin Corners, Oklahoma. The locally famous Smedley family (Mr. Hector & Mrs. Gerardine) had been widely known from the day they first gave birth to their quadruplets back on April 5th, Easter Sunday in 1931. The Great Depression had wiped out both personal fortunes and any optimism from the populace for hundreds of miles, and yet, the near miracle of these four tiny babies being born in a dust bowl cabin and surviving had created a joyous surge of neighborliness and sharing. Country fairs, square dances, barn raisings, quilting bees, 4H festivals, and even "ice cream sociables" were instigated around their annual birthdays from the very first!

….The newspapers reported their first steps, their first words, and even as they got older, the public watched eagerly as they got their driver's licenses, went to their proms, and graduated from their Technical Schools, Beauty Colleges, and Animals Husbandry Academies.... it was only in their 20s that the interest in them began to wane. And that was when the facade began to crack.... jilted at the altar, or failed marriages, DWIs, bad fashion choices, shoplifting arrests, and forlorn Ponzi schemes involving cheap mascaras in local notions shops, all of these took their toll...and it showed. The long spiral downward was inexorable. Here they are at 23 years of age, clockwise from lower left.....Myrtle Mae, Clarenda, Needra, and Francie. (Francie's the one with the carotene disorder...and the...um...floppy ears..).

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Holiday Update: The truth about HARVEY!!!....

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Holiday Update! From the Police Gazette: Ronkonkoma, NY. It has been reported that the body of Mr. Elwood P. Dowd, who has been missing for three weeks, was found in a lettuce patch behind the home of a Mrs. Beatrice Poitier (possibly an alias!) on …

Holiday Update! From the Police Gazette: Ronkonkoma, NY. It has been reported that the body of Mr. Elwood P. Dowd, who has been missing for three weeks, was found in a lettuce patch behind the home of a Mrs. Beatrice Poitier (possibly an alias!) on the corner of Lapin Lane and Cadbury Blvd. Although badly decomposed, the corpse showed forensics experts that Mr. Dowd had died violently, probably by animal attack and that the body was partially consumed, possibly while still alive! Authorities and civilians alike are extremely alarmed at this level of brutality, especially at Holiday time, and curfews have been set up in every township with extra security stationed around farmers' markets, salad bars, and pregnancy test displays. Police are now zeroing in on one particular acquaintance of Mr. Dowd's, a Mr. Harvey S. Púka. Although a drinking companion of many years, Mr. Púka has been unable to be found in any of his known haunts for questioning by authorities. It is NOT supposed that he too is a victim of foul play since he has been seen late at night in his usual top hat and tails carousing with both local "doorway hostesses" and handsome chorus boys from the less reputable theatres of interpretive dance along Veterans Memorial Highway.... Mr. Púka can be spotted easily: 8' 9", salt and pepper especially at the temples and on his ears, and walks with a slight limp from a missing left foot. Use caution when approaching him. He has shown an unnatural predilection for children, and may have developed adult onset diabetes. He likes to chew aluminum foil, has a very serious allergy to Easter basket plastic grass, and travels with the infamous Marsh Mallow gang whom he calls his "peeps".... they are all armed and extremely dangerous.....especially the "chicks"... A waitress at a local IHOP reported overhearing thinly veiled threats from Púka to his henchmen about "making some trouble over at the White House".... the FBI is now on full alert.....Stand by for further announcements...

Holiday Update! From the Police Gazette: Ronkonkoma, NY. Mrs. Veta Louise Simmons, elderly sister to the newly-confirmed deceased Elwood P. Dowd, was recently overheard at the very exclusive Cafe Conejo threatening her only daughter Myrtle Mae Simmo…

Holiday Update! From the Police Gazette: Ronkonkoma, NY. Mrs. Veta Louise Simmons, elderly sister to the newly-confirmed deceased Elwood P. Dowd, was recently overheard at the very exclusive Cafe Conejo threatening her only daughter Myrtle Mae Simmons. The maitre'd reported the conversation as something like, "Now will you shut up?.... and if I tell you to lie, you'll do that too. I'm never going to suffer for you again! Not ever! Do you understand? .....now finish your rabbit enchilada!"..... Authorities now suspect that the death of Mr. Dowd, the disappearance of Harvey S. Púka, and the sudden wealth in the Simmons household may all be related to a much more elaborate and sinister scenario..... Mrs. Simmons has been seen sporting a new array of costume jewelry from the Trifari shop on Meadows Blvd. and a smart sweater set of angora from the Gefil Tefish Hefty-Highness Hide-Away in the Ladies Mile Shopping Center..... Stay tuned for further developments.

 

 

 

 

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