Sybil Bruncheon’s Tales & Tails... a tragedy! ...and a lesson...

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......sadly, little Billy's head was never properly house-broken.... his parents later abandoned him on a roadside near Waterville, Ohio on his 8th birthday... he was not wearing a collar or identification tags, and it's believed that he was "put to sleep" at the local ASPCA a week later... 

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Hollywood TRUE STORIES!"....

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....after Popeye and the Disney gang signed an agreement, they went on a rampage of arson, extortion, kidnapping, bribes, Ponzi-scams, smash 'n' grabs, knifings, and cheap-cologne bootlegging. Their reign of terror included the infamous blowing up of Heckle & Jeckle's woody station wagon as they were leaving for church last Sunday. There were no survivors. (Police are still trying to determine if Tweety Bird and Woody Woodpecker were the as yet unidentified passengers in the back seat! Details at 6. Film at 11.) 

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Interesting People": Vladimir! ...and Natalie!!

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...poor Vladimir! He grew up in a time and place that didn't understand his predilections, his desires, his deepest secret, and the journey he wished to take! Where to go? Who to even ask??? And how would it be accomplished? Even in this new century, with all its new marvels and scientific discoveries, was it actually possible to become the person he was meant to be? Fortunately, his family were members of an ancient and respected imperial court located in an out-of-the-way corner of the Balkans. The name is not important, and the principality was one of dozens tucked "cheek-by-jowl" in a constantly bickering and conspiring area of the mountainous Eastern European wilds. Finally, a nice theatre and ballet professor that Vladimir had had at Acting Camp suggested a Dr. Victor Phrahnkenshteen in Bavaria who was making breakthroughs in revolutionary eye-lifts, nose reductions, tummy tucks, and ....um, more. Six months later, Vladimir re-emerged like the rare "Moldavian Purple Caprice" butterfly. He, or rather "she" (her new name was Natalie Dragomiroff!) took her place in royal society as a person of great influence in the arts and sciences, in fundraising circles and events, and at great galas and pageants! Her pet causes included the Bosnian Blood Drive, The Wallachian Wolf Welfare Society, and improvements in railway safety.

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I WANT YOU.......

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HEY, FRIENDS!!...do me a favor, will you? Share this poster with everyone on your page! Every one of you, please share this with every single person on YOUR page! Please don't just "like" it! SHARE IT!! It really isn't an option this election year for people NOT to vote. I don't care how "frustrating it all is"! I don't care how "mediocre all the candidates are"! I don't care about all the other blah! blah! blah! that people use as an excuse not to participate in this world of ours. I'm a pain-in-the-ass, I know! But I insist that the people I know join in and do their part to keep the world spinning forward, not backward. Register! AND VOTE!...Period! Thank you!!

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Interesting Lands Around the World"..... Brr-JeeJee.....

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...in the far off kingdom of Brr-JeeJee, the citizens are of the hardiest stock on Earth. They live in a nearly permanent world of Winter from mid-August to late May! They would be champions in international Winter sporting events and the Olympics, but sadly, they often are completely snowed in during those months, and travel in and out of their remote country is impossible. Their glaciers, in fact, are the only ones in the world that remain completely stable and are great tourist destinations during the Midnight Sun Festivals of June and July when the Jet-Set come for suntanning at 3AM.... Although the country is a constitutional monarchy, the Brr-JeeJeeians are extremely fond of their young monarch, Princess Ice-Zolda Freejidara IV. She oversees all sorts of charity and public works, sets a beautiful example in her manners and her breeding, and only wears accessories which have never been collected through cruelty to animals and have only been gathered off the ground ....preferably away from areas of "yellow snow"....

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Sybil Bruncheon’s Stories for Grown-up Children: CARLA & THEO......

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...it had all started in the nursery. Little Carla had heard her rocking horse say that he wanted to ride off like other horses he'd seen in Carla's picture books. They didn't just stay in one place going up and down... they ran and ran and ran, as hard as their joyous legs would carry them. He could tell by the little painted pictures that there must be a strange freedom that makes you push as hard as you can sometimes when you're in the sun, and the wind is blowing, and the grass is cool and green, so very green under your galloping hooves, and you feel bigger and stronger than you really are, and you're full of something that only you can know, and that’s only YOURS TO KNOW...

Carla had been standing behind the edge of the bookcase and heard him telling the other toys... or at least the toys that would listen. Her roly-poly clown had stood perfectly still (for a change!)...with no incessant chuckling (also for a change!). He had listened to every word, especially about the running! "Imagine!" he finally whispered. "To be able to actually RUN from one place to another! As fast as you could ever, ever, ever go! Even if it was to the point where you might break!...or fly apart! To run and fly apart from the joy of running that fast just ONCE!... oh, how I wish I could do that!"... A pull-toy dachshund standing by nodded...how fast did he ever run?...really?? If he wasn't being pulled, he didn't run at all.... nor did the little pull-toy fire engine. Or the quacking duck.

At the tea table, all of Carla's dolls, from the larger ones that said words like "mama" to the dainty ones from other lands made of china stared down at their cookie plates and tea cups...and said nothing. Their appetites had left them... One of them cleared her throat uncomfortably. What did they know of running? Running could be fatal… It was at that point that Carla had shifted slightly, and the floor by the corner of the tall bookcase creaked. All discussion stopped!. And everyone turned to see... yes, it was Carla. The toys all fell silent...well, except for the tea party where all the dolls began chattering about scones, and Earl Grey vs. Lap Sang Su Chong, and the embroidered monograms on fine napkins.... but Carla wasn't fooled... nor were any of the toys. They knew she had heard. And she knew that they knew...But that's how it sometimes is between friends...even the best of friends... things are left unsaid.

And so, later, when it seemed everyone was asleep, Carla slipped out with Theo, and confided in him. He was her closest friend and her best secret-keeper. What could she say to a roomful of toys who all longed to run away...?? What could she ever do to make them know that she was just like them? …really, just like them... Even when she went out to play, she already knew that people, living people, could only run so far...and only so fast... and not forever... Theo looked deeply into her eyes...he leaned forward and put his paw to her lips. He drew close to her ear ...and whispered...

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Happy Hanukkah!... and a nice little friend to celebrate it with!...

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Hello, Friends! I want to wish you all a very Happy Hanukkah! ....You know, folks, the Coca Cola people marketed Santa Claus starting in 1931 during the height of the Depression.... but who was around to celebrate the wonderful festival of Hanukkah?..."The Festival Of Lights"!..... eventually, some nice people in Hollywood thought up a charming character to match Santa! .....the outfit I'm wearing in this photo is the famous folk costume of "Gilda The Gelt-Girl" who comes around to nice Jewish households during Hanukkah; NOT down the chimney (for Heaven's sake!) where she could get filthy and maybe tear something! NO! She comes through an unlocked sliding glass door on the lanai or through an attached garage, etc.

On the first night, she looks for good girls and boys and leaves them delicious GELT or envelopes of cash that they can put towards a nice nose job or a convertible! And for bad children she leaves GUILT, (which isn't very effective with this new entitled generation of kids, is it?!) Please don't ever leave her plates of cookies like you do for Santa! She's watching her waistline!...but she has been known to "lift" a lovely little tchotchke off a side table or from Grandma's purse....so clean up any clutter you don't want pawed through! By the way, that's her magical "Gelt Pocket" on her apron where she keeps her chocolate treats, and she's carrying her enchanted "Oy Veys Mirror" through which she can see all the good and bad little children! (Those bastards at Romper Room stole her "magic-mirror" idea back in the 1950s, and she hasn't collected ONE DAMN CENT in royalties!)

And remember that at this Holiday season, Mummie loves you very much if you've been good.... (and ESPECIALLY if you've been very BAD!) Love and Xoxoxox, Sybil.

(ps. Don't worry!! Mummie's nice little Dreidel Dress is flame retardant! ...just in case I back into a menorah! I HAVE been known to do just that skulking around the house sometimes! ...and Santa and I have a big laugh too about what trouble we've gotten into rifling through people's stuff!)...

(Sybil’s dreidel dress was designed by Gefil Tefish at the Hefty Highness Hide-away)

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Sybil Bruncheon's Tales of Christmases Past.... The Fitzwillys....

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...and then, much to their horror, Reginald and Hiram Fitzwilly were confronted by the Ghost of Whimsical Extravagances Past, who, after mumbling names of cheap colognes, and bumping into the china cabinet, proceeded to make bad faces at the brothers and showed them its "private" areas while humming the Village People's "Y.M.C.A.”…

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[Christmas Wishes made to the Christmas Tree!] Jamie Shannon, 17 years old:

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..."and Christmas tree?? ...my special secret Christmas wish is that this particular Santa will give me both the tap and the ballet shoes, the baton with flammable caps, the accordion, the 12' feather boa, and the lacrosse stick since I went to the Ramada Inn with him last night! .....oh, and one other thing! .. can you make sure I'm not a centerfold again in Highlights magazine???".. 

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