Sybil Bruncheon’s 31 Days of Halloween: Size doesn’t matter?...

Breaking News From the CNN News Desk: Former president Trump, in an effort to prove his "great and unmatched wisdom" and normal-sized hands, submitted himself to a mysterious Ukrainian scientist, Dr. Подих Пеніса, for help. Villagers near Dr. Пеніса's castle report deafening explosions, flashes of lightning, and loud barnyard sounds. Details of the doctor's experiments have been sketchy at best, and at worst, most disturbing. Apparently, some preliminary experiments were tried out on the president's cabinet members first with horrifying results. Hundreds of villagers and local military members have taken to the hills with torches, pitchforks, and rocket launchers to locate the president and subdue him if necessary, after reports of him drowning and even eating children, various house pets, and unattended Hummels. Details at 6. Mittens at 11.

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Sybil Bruncheon’s 31 Days of Halloween: No need to "kick the tires"...

… Ah, yes... The famous Locket Castle... which served as a Used Gravestone dealership in the Middle Ages! Look, right there at the entrance to the sales office, some of them are out for a test-drive...

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Sybil Bruncheon's "My Brilliant Career!".....Chapter 36:

A British film studio sent me a proposal for a remake of the 1960s film GEORGY GIRL with me in the title role……. Here’s the opening sequence:

London. Music plays on an old broken juke box in a rundown pub…."HEY THERE, Georgy Girl! There's another Georgy deep inside...show off all the love you hide.....". etc., etc.... Georgy (Sybil) an overweight dumpy girl dressed in a forlorn “mod” costume dances around sad pub, upsetting chair and a table with mugs on it..... she jumps up on counter to do the “frug”, when counter collapses onto 6 patrons, killing one, and crippling 3 others for life!!!!!.....music stops as ambulance and local police are called......patrons run out of pub screaming in horror..... (dramatic monster music)…

Gorgo suddenly appears from behind a hillside attracted by screams. Interacts with electrical power lines and Big Ben. While upending a tramp steamer on the Thames, a street car heading for Piccadilly, and a fish-cart selling cockles, mussels, (alive-alive-o!), he notices a plump rubber snack on the ground. He doesn’t realize it’s actually Georgy and picks it up in his mouth, shaking it like a puppy playing with a sock, and swallows it in one gulp...... He rampages on to Glasgow for a night of drinking and carousing on a pub crawl with Godzilla, Rodan, and Mothra who have flown in for the weekend!.... more mischief ensues involving more ship sinkings, planes pulled from midair, and fish-cart tragedies.. in the closing credits, Judith Durham and The Seekers are heard singing "Hey there GORGIE-boy, there's another GEORGY deep inside.....". Credit roll reveals cameo appearances by Honor Blackman, Ethel Griffies, O.P. Heggie, Ernest Thesiger, and an as-yet-unknown Sean Connnery as a fish-and-chips peddler in Brighton. As the credits finish, the Monkees are seen running around in a fast-motion chase with tambourines and Benny Hill carrying an ax! Black-out.

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Sybil Bruncheon’s 31 Days of Halloween: Clowning Around...

Breaking News from the CNN News Desk: Hollywood releases plans for another remake of Stephen King's IT and holds open calls for the role of Pennywise the Dancing Clown. Thwarting his cabinet's advice, the president declared that, as an actor, he had "great and unmatched wisdom" for auditioning. "After all, look how I played myself on The Apprentice... or the Sorcerer's Apprentice... or... whatever!".

Greeted by hooting, pointing, and raucous laughter, mostly by interns and cleaning staff, the president was turned away from the casting office as soon as he walked in, but he was offered a dinner theater tour of BLOW ME A POODLE-BALLOON, the musical biography of Twinkle the Birthday Clown who died in a fiery clown-car crash with 47 co-workers. The catastrophe nearly wiped out the entire children's birthday-party industry in the 1950s. The whole score is played on a calliope... and an assortment of trained-seal horns… and a chorus of whoopee-cushions. Details at 6. Cream pies at 11.

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Sybil Bruncheon's 31 Days of Halloween: …"and leave the driving to us!"…

BREAKING NEWS from the CNN news desk… Steve Bannon and the Alt-Right Travelers Bureau announce the new Whites-Only Bus Lines. ….just think, folks! No more of those meddling minorities sulking about having to move to the back of the bus. Now, with the W.O.B.L. there IS no back of the bus! Every seat is First Class, and only the salted peanuts are second-class! YEEE-HAW!!! Our many travel hubs include Buttsmel, Indiana; Polka-Ma-Hola, Iowa; Monkey-Pudding, Nebraska; Three-Teeth, Arkansas; and Shitzpantz, Ohio. All the romantic stops along the Red States Riviera! Make your reservations at 247-867-7555. That's right, just dial C-H-R-U-M-P-S-K-K-K. The nice man in the pillowcase will tell you how to order… Details at 6. Spray starch at 11.

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Sybil Bruncheon's FASHION FACTUALS:

Funny story... but TRUE! My laundress, a lovely lady originally from royalty in Transylvania (but that's another story ENTIRELY!), was shocked that I had several brassieres in "nude" coloring, and asked me with much blushing and shuffling of feet, why did I not get them in either a modest white or alluring black?? I explained that I didn't have an explanation, and had just bought the nude ones because, "The nice-lady at the lingerie and trousseau counter had offered them to me"...

Dragomira (that was my laundress' name!... I KNOW, but that’s another story entirely too!) shrugged politely but resignedly, and left the room. Two days later, all my nude brassieres had extremely life-like nipples made of felt sewn very carefully onto the bosoms. Of course, I said NOTHING!!! How could I??? Good help is impossible to find!!!

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Sybil Bruncheon's 31 Days of Halloween... Day 27: Snack time!

Ladies! When attending a nice Halloween party, it's always important to remember good manners at the buffet table!... Serve yourself sensible portions of your hostess' refreshments, taking into account all the other guests at the party. After all, you're an Earthling!!.... not a Quj-Kedzzi-thustran.

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*Tour-ette from my little driveway-garden... Hydrangea!... of course! HYDRANGEA!! 9/27/2021

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Sybil Bruncheon's “A Few of My Favorite Things”… Agatha Christie's "Jane Marple"...

Agatha Christie's "Jane Marple"... fortunately, the character is so extraordinary a creation that she is almost "actor-proof". It's nearly impossible to do her badly... or should I say, VERY badly?...

IMO; These are the best portrayals of Agatha Christie's iconic character Jane Marple... and each has her strong points and entertaining nuances...

Julia McKenzie is suitably fretful and self-deprecating as the clues (and murders!) pile up. But she keeps letting us know how “in the dark” she is, until, of course, she’s not!

And when I want a fluttering parakeet with a sharp little beak and tiny claws, it's Geraldine McEwan. Her lemony bite and snarky side-glances are perfect if you want your Miss Marple with an edge.

I can sometimes enjoy Angela Lansbury, if I don't mind stammering, squawking, and dithering. But her Marple is a bit like Mrs. Lovett… without the cannibalism...

…and Helen Hayes would be perfect if I wanted a busy-body granny from next door who smelled of gingerbread and Prince Matchabelli's "Wind Song"...

But I DO have my favorites; when I want comedy, I choose Margaret Rutherford. I love the way she chews everything on camera; the scenery, the dialogue, her fellow actors... nothing is safe from her ham-bone mugging, and every moment with her is a master class in how to mug shamelessly and still merit accolades as a genius. She delights me so much that I can actually binge-watch her "Murder Most-" series of 1960s again and again.

AND, drum roll please!... when I want to revel in my very favorite Jane Marple of all time, it's none other than Joan Hickson, the actress that Christie herself hoped would one day play the sleuth. She never embroiders or accessorizes Marple. There are no arbitrary vocal or physical tricks... no clutter. As a matter of fact, Hickson's Marple is almost a study in Method Acting, as if Marlon Brando or James Dean were doing her. She whispers and mumbles many of her lines, often as if she's not actually speaking to other characters onscreen with her. Her line deliveries are almost introspective meditations... I sometimes think we're reading her mind. Her silences are wonderful, and her glances at foolish people or at liars are the gold, nay, the platinum standard of stillness. She is the dead opposite of Rutherford, and only elicits laughter from me when I am gobsmacked by her acting brilliance. She has light literally pouring out of her... without the pyrotechnics! Rutherford has the fireworks... and for me, the others are cowbells, kazoos, caterwaulings, and whoopie cushions. Again, just my opinion...

(Counterclockwise from left: Joan Hickson, Angela Lansbury, Margaret Rutherford, Julia McKenzie, Geraldine McEwan, and in the center, Helen Hayes)

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*Tour-ette from the King of Prussia mall...Oh Miss! Do you have the orange one in a 5X...? 9/26/2021

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