Sybil Bruncheon’s Holiday Tales: A HUMMINGBIRD AT CHRISTMASTIME.....

….no one was sure when or even where it came from. And once people were honest, it turned out that very few people had actually seen it with their own eyes. Witnesses, such as they were, were either braggarts in taverns, fish-story-fable-ists on the docks, or mystics and fortune tellers on the carnival circuits. 

     But there were a few folks whose reputations were beyond reproach; who could be relied on to be almost modest when asked about strange or miraculous happenings! None of the flashing, darting eyes, the too-loud laughter or wild gesticulating that often accompanies outlandish claims of the “whimsical” and “given-to-notions” among us!...you know the type, don’t you? 

    Anyway, it was always near the Winter solstice, when the chill weather had really set in, and the frost had settled on the last roses of the Fall; when Nature had begun its deep yearly sleep in the gardens, fields, and forests. It was then that the sightings would begin again. The great quiet would have settled on the land, and then, when one went walking home at dusk after work, or in the silence of a grey Sunday morning through the woods, the only sound would be the muffled crunching of one’s own footsteps through new-fallen snow on dry brush…..and perhaps the occasional cheep of a hardy little sparrow, or the rustle of a squirrel burrowing for his remembered stash of treats. 

     It was in these still and somehow comforting times of solitude that some of the folks who reported what they had seen told of the vision. …at first, it didn’t seem possible. A flash in the corner of your eye! Flitting just there! To the left…or now, in a branch?...No! just to the right!...and then there it would be hovering for a moment…a precious moment or two! Sparkling like “silver lightning”, “broken glass”, “a lover’s eyes”, “a shooting star”, “the full moon on rippling river water”….. those were the words that the serious witnesses had used… the ones that others believed by the fireside when you could get them to tell…perhaps over that second cup of mulled wine, and they trusted your discretion and your friendship. 

     It was definitely a bird! A HUMMINGBIRD…. “No!.. not a bat, Uncle Harry. It hovered…no! Floated!! Even more beautiful than a real hummingbird!”…. and so the stories would be whispered within the lucky families who had a member who had actually witnessed the little creature!...Not the louts who bragged about it in loud public places, and were more often than not NOT believed anyway by their leering and mocking listeners! …and “Lucky” was exactly the word that described the rare families who had been told of the true sightings…by people like old Mrs. Grace Fairley, by wise Dr. Levi Carpenter, by Miss Helga Hibbard the 3rd grade teacher, by funny cousin Stefan, and by sweet Michael Moore, only eight years old, but wise beyond his years. 

    They all told their loved ones their stories, and within a few days their households began… to lift. A feeling of quiet joy began to spread inside even the humblest home. The simplest meal tasted more delicious than ever, warm bread from the oven and melting butter became a feast out of a child’s fable. Candlelight could fill an entire room, no brighter than before and certainly not glaring, but full and golden in a new and loving glow. People found themselves humming while doing their most tedious chores, and, realizing they were all humming, would begin to sing remembered family songs from the past, children and grandparents joining in together, laughing and amazed. 

     At first, no one associated the sighting of the little hummingbird with the lovely change in the households! As a matter of fact, it was the neighbors of the witnesses’ families who actually noticed. To be in the household was to just feel lovely, increasingly lovely as if a weight, long borne and resigned to, was melting away, day by day…moment by moment. The oldest folks, bent from the wear and worries of life, began to straighten in their stance…rising ever more briskly from bed in the morning with none of the usual and expected grunts that “old people do!”….Neighbors would finally comment to their friends saying how fresh and lively they would be looking, even as the thickening Winter would weigh heavier on the world around them.

     The crisp night air, the glinting light on ice and snow, the whistling wind seemed to be refreshing and invigorating the witnesses and their families! How was it possible? Their cheeks glowed! Their eyes twinkled!...even the oldest among them had complexions that looked like their own newborn great-grandchildren! Where they walked, they seemed surrounded by laughter and music… Their homes smelled of simple but hearty dinners, gravy and butter and roasted potatoes, freshly sliced oranges, punch made with apples, nutmeg, cinnamon. Pine-needle garlands hanging from the eaves!... and crisp cotton sheets and warm, cozy blankets.

     How lucky! How very, very lucky the witnesses were. And knowing them, being near them, and perhaps sharing a meal with them, or joining them for a cup of wine and some songs by the fire spread the luck and the gladness… the witnesses were each made to tell their different little stories, over and over again….where they had seen the hummingbird. What day? …and time of day? Was it early at dawn? Or was it at dusk with the first star coming out? What was the weather like? Where in the woods? By the creek?...Or was it behind the house?... What were they thinking when it happened?...What were they feeling??... Was there a voice?...a voice that told them to look? 

      Each told the story that was theirs and theirs alone….and the listeners, the listeners of the TRUE stories, sat very still, leaning a little forward, barely breathing but at great peace. And their eyes. Oh, the witnesses couldn’t look away from their eyes..just as the listeners couldn’t look away from theirs… and the only other sound in the room would be the merry little crackle from the fireplace….. chuckling …and glad, so very glad for all of them… and their good fortune.……. 

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Halloween Update: Sybil and Bela.....

True Story!..... Yes, Darlings! You know Mummie had many opportunities in Hollywood, especially after her tremendous successes in the silent era! I worked with the best directors and co-stars...and at the best studios. And then when the "talkies" started, my career really took off. I had none of the vocal challenges that so many silent stars had; no nasality, unpleasant tones or accent! I even helped coach Garbo and Crawford (Jeesh! Was she a pain in the ass! Especially when she decided she wanted to actually SING!..thank God her dancing distracted the audience from her singing!). Anyway, I had always been willing to act in every genre; romances, musicals, adventures, historical dramas, broad and sophisticated comedies, and even suspense and horror! Many of you remember my performances in the CHEST OF DRAWERS OF DR. CALIGARI (1923) and GOLLY, MR. GOLEM (1924), and NOSEY- FERATRESS (1925). So when Universal approached me for DRACULA with that new arrival Bela Lugosi, I said "YES!".... sadly, I got a near-fatal rash from the wolfsbane they hung over my bed. The studio doctors discovered that I actually had some Carpathian blood in my ancestry…. Oh well…. And to think it would have been so much fun playing “wahn ob dee own-dade”…….. and I heard that Lugosi was a great kisser too!... especially in his trailer!!! (poster art by Lawrence Hunter)

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Sybil Bruncheon’s Halloween Update: Clowns Like Halloween Too!.....

One of Chompo's favorite things about visiting orphanages as a clown was the delicious snack treats he could buy from the vendor-man's tray... but sometimes they wriggled so... and tried to get away....

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Halloween Update: Mr. Potato Head... The True Story…

The Playskool Company spent months and millions of dollars in research, surveys, and prototypes trying to perfect their final idea for Mr. Potato Head... but they never got discouraged... never!... ...Seen here are (standing in the back row left to right) Mr. Radioactive Radish, Drunky the Senator from Texas, Smiley the Obstetrician, Mr. Fong, David Koch at The Opera, and (seated left to right) Ed Koch at The Gaiety, Cole Porter Winning Strip Poker, Rush Limbaugh on Oxycontin, Count Licky, and Dead Mahatma Gandhi!

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Sybil Bruncheon's "What Ever Happened To???.... LADY ELAINE FAIRCHILDE??"....

True Story! Lady Elaine Fairchilde from "Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood" fame fell on fairly hard times after the passing of Fred Rogers and the end of the series. Her drinking problem had been obvious for years, even to the pre-K crowd. Children who visited the set complained that Fairchilde "smelled funny" and would say strange words ...backwards. Her on-air make-up had become more erratic or non-existent, and her complexion began to be more disturbing and even repulsive. At one point, an unruly stagehand pinned a large picture of Karl Malden on her dressing room door with a note stating that her "twin brother" was coming for a visit! The cast was very excited until it was revealed that it was a prank....and that Karl Malden in fact was prettier. 

Fairchilde was often claimed to be the illegitimate child of J.P. Morgan and Carry Nation.... After the series ended, she offered to do after-school recitals and safe-sex shows for grade schoolers using poodle-balloons and confetti guns, but the U.S. Department of Education barred her for life from appearing within a 100 yard radius of any school ....even obedience schools for pets.... She now lives quietly in The Screen Actors Retirement Home For Novelty Performers & Actresses Made Out Of Alternative Materials. She is estimated to be 118 years of age, but only because a tree surgeon counted the rings in her leg when he reattached it after her drunk-driving accident last year. She enjoys collecting paperweights with embedded insects, reciting haikus about crumbled leaves, and baking cookies for The Paul Bunyan Trade School Fair. Her boomerang has been confiscated….permanently. 

(postscript: This bulletin just in. It appears that Lady Elaine Fairchilde may have had a checkered past as a young…er…woman, whatever, in Hardscramble, North Dakota. It seems she was an inveterate shoplifter of discounted lip sticks, rosacea concealers, spackle, and Crayola crayons at the local Woolworth’s and spent much of her teen-age years in the Fargo Reformatory for Inconsiderate & Disquieted Ladies. After her release at 21 years of age, she began a downward spiral of abusing alcohol and/or drugs, possibly absinthe, mescal (including the worm!), and crème de menthe either drunk or snorted along with crack cocaine, heroin, and Lemon Pledge.)

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Sybil Bruncheon's Weekend Wonder-Stories.... "WHAT MARY-JONELLE HAD TO HEAR!"...

Rex was selected by the other pets to break the news to Mary-Jonelle at the next tea party. It was their usual Friday afternoon get-together, so it seemed all very spontaneous, but the animals had decided that they were going to let her have it! ...that things really had gone too, too far! And so, as Rex made the usual announcements about theatre outings, potential ski-weekends, bake sale dates, and flower arranging classes, everyone but Mary-Jonelle tensed up for what was coming next...

What would she say? What would she DO?...Would she run to her parents and tattle on all of them?? Rex paused after a particularly funny little anecdote about jonquils which brought an appreciative chuckle from everyone including Mary-Jonelle, and then he began... Later on, as she dried her tears in her fine linen napkin, she realized they were all correct about the situation, and that she needed to know the truth. And all of her animal friends were very relieved that she had taken it so well. Both Mittens and Mrs. Whiskers agreed that she was quite mature for a 5 year old, and Tum-Wiggle complimented her on how articulate she was… for a human.

At that point, Mary-Jonelle sat up straight in her chair and offered to pour another round of tea for the group as the family butler came in to see if everything was alright. He noticed that little Miss Mary-Jonelle might have been crying and asked if he could do anything, but she smiled with great composure, and dismissed him lightly with a wave of her tiny hand and a gracious, "Thank you, no, Mr. Carruthers!"... and that was that. Rex was very proud of her... and everyone commented on how tasty the butter-biscuits were...

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The George Sweet Doorway Mysteries - "A CHILLY RECEPTION"...

BLUE DOOR by Paula Stephens.jpg

...little Marky Patterson had been such a responsible child ever since he first walked and talked. His parents were suitably proud of him, and he impressed all their friends at dinner parties with his perfect manners and sober answers about how school was going, what sports he was playing, and what science project he was preparing for the National Young Scientists Of Tomorrow Fair. Here he was at only 8 years of age, and he was competing against juniors and seniors in high schools from all over the country. Marky had one disadvantage; he was interested in so many different sciences... from astronomy to biology, chemistry to geology....it all fascinated him. Finally, though, it was his Uncle Herb who swayed his decision.

Herb Destren was a popular and personable weatherman with a huge following, especially among the large farm community that depended on his accuracy and his famous predictions that would seem to be at times risky or even far-fetched, but invariably proved to be exact! He himself had studied privately as a teenager under a meteorologist who had no connection with a university. But of course, meteorology as a scientific pursuit had come fairly late to the world of academia, so it had started out as more of a tradition passed on from generation to generation. Marky's uncle told him that he would take the youngster to meet his old mentor at his home out in a remote part of the Cabler Woods. His name was Professor Dexter, and whenever Herb said his name, Marky could see his Uncle's eyes sparkle and hear his voice almost hush...

Herb picked Marky up in his old woody station wagon, still running after years and years of knocking around the countryside, and they drove for an hour or so through open expanses of prairie, hills, small villages, and finally dusty backroads. Marky dozed off for a while, waking and dozing, until his uncle whispered to him and placed a hand on his knee, shaking him gently. His eyes were wide and dark with excitement, and he reached over and opened Marky's door telling him to get out of the car while he parked around the back side of the house that was nearly buried in huge bushes and thickets of trees. The sun was setting behind the woods and the light was beginning to fade. Marky carefully closed the door, and watched as his uncle drove down the gravel drive and turned behind a stand of blackened tree trunks all huddled together. The motor of the car seemed far away...and the trees looked like they were watching him… and nodding… slowly. But there was no sound…. And no wind. The air seemed to be standing perfectly still like it did before a tornado. Marky scuffed some of the gravel at his feet and drew an arrow with his foot. He heard a ...sound..something behind him and turned, startled. He hadn't really noticed the front of the house. It was actually a cottage, almost charming. Not forbidding or frightening at all, although the windows had drawn blinds...and there was no sign of anyone living there. But it was the front door. Painted a soft, almost friendly shade of light blue, with four rows of window panes, three across as Marky noticed with his constantly mathematical mind. He always counted things wherever he went. Numbers had always soothed him, especially when he was nervous, and he thought of them as friends, each number having its own personality, its own voice, its own mystery. But none of his numbers spoke to him now...not the four of the rows, the three panes across, not the twelve in total... nothing.

All was silent as Marky stared at the door. It seemed all so simple.... covered in frost, snow gathered in the corners of the criss-crossing mullions, just like a Christmas card drawing. Marky thought of Santa, and Christmas trees, and presents like the new telescope his Uncle had bought him, and being home with his family, cozy and warm. He stared at the white sparkling frost on the windows, and the snow drifting around the doorway...and crunching under his feet as he drew closer and closer. He might have been afraid if his curiosity hadn't overtaken him. But he couldn't resist.

And even as the darkness gathered around him, the frost and the snow and the ice glistened brighter and brighter, silvery white...... and it was August...

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The George Sweet Doorway Mysteries - "A SECRET VISIT TO DR. MUMPLE'S INNER OFFICE"...

...Millicent had kept her worries to herself. As the new assistant to the house-chef, Mrs. Grampstone, in Lady Junxtin's household she couldn't afford to upset the running of the kitchen with its constant planning and entertaining. How very lucky she had been to even be interviewed, and so young! Only 23. But she HAD gone to Paris for her training, and to the internationally esteemed L'École de Légumes Merveilleuses too!! She had graduated first in her class in Puddings, Custards, and Whimsically Shaped Gelatins. And she had the medal and the vellum certificate to prove it too! But here she was just three weeks into her new employment, ringing the bell of a doctor she never met to check on what the strange buzzing was in her left ear, the odd little headaches... and .. the voices.

And then the door opened, and... the littlest woman Millicent had ever seen peeked up and from around it. She was ancient, in a long greyish uniform almost like a nurse, or a maid but from another place and time. She smiled strangely but sweetly and said, "Ah, you've come, haven't you, my dear? Please come in! I'm Dr. Mumple!".... and as Millicent passed through the doorway and into the darkened and deadly silent hall, she had a funny thought. Dr. Mumple is a woman!...and sounds exactly like my voices...

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The George Sweet Doorway Mysteries - "A RAINY AFTERNOON ON MARLEYBONE STREET"...

...it was the addition of the glass "advent porte" over the entryway that had been both convenient and a source of annoyance to Mr. Cableton, the butler at Wedgewood House. Although it was lovely on rainy days to greet visitors who could shake their coats and umbrellas off under its cover, (before they did so INSIDE the foyer!) he would also have to shoo away loiterers and passersby who parked themselves there to have a smoke, grab a kiss, or chat over their paper cups of coffee, and then litter them on the cobblestones.

Imagine his surprise on that Thursday before tea time when he prodded the rumpled gentleman sitting on the stoop in the gathering storm. The man toppled over face-up, eyes staring!... a hobo!...with a jeweled letter opener in the shape of a Chinese dragon stabbed neatly through his heart, pinning an expensive piece of stationery scrawled illegibly with turquoise ink....and was that a stick figure?...

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The George Sweet Doorway Mysteries - "THE GHASTLY GREENHOUSE"....

...and that, boys and girls, is where they found the Countess' body, under the African violet tray in the semi-shaded corner by the little Chuckle Fountain ...and her head? …it had been buried in the pot of one the Countess' prize winning gloxinias; a strangely poignant tribute to her talent and "green thumb"....which was found out on the lawn...where Skippy had been playing "fetch" with it….

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