Sybil Bruncheon's "A Whole Month Of Thanksgiving!"... SOAK IT!

... Ladies, (and I use that term loosely)... are you concerned with serving a plump, moist, and flavorful turkey on Thanksgiving? It's NOT enough for your bird to be any ONE of those enviable qualities, or even TWO! Plump and moist but without a rich, complex flavor is no victory, and let's be honest, shall we? How many of us have waded through the Thanksgiving holiday choking down dry, scrawny, and bland turkey accompanied by endless anecdotes about Uncle Ned's new aluminum siding, or Cousin Nellie's beet-root preserves that exploded in the basement? No wonder so many people dread this holiday and everything that goes with it. Has any poultry ever been so maligned and so experimented on in cooking, sautéing, roasting, barbecuing, micro-waving, and even deep-frying in backyard oil vats! So!... whatever you might do to your turkey, be cautious!... Especially when "brining". So many people are now soaking their birds in a wide and often weird variety of solutions of salt, sugar, seasonings, soda pops, sauces, condiments, liquors, home remedies from the medicine cabinet… and even household cleaning products and fragrances from various perfume counters of questionable repute. 33 children at an orphanage were seriously poisoned by a donated turkey dinner that tasted of Prince Matchabelli’s “Wind Song”, Paco Rabanne, and Mr. Clean. (The perpetrator was never caught.)

Reports of violence and even carnage have been on the increase to neighborhood police precincts, fire stations, and hazmat teams. No one is safe! Your kitchen and Thanksgiving traditions may be quite normal and full of cheerful, family heritage, but what about the Fergusons next door? Has something gone terribly wrong in their refrigerator, their cooler, their bath tub, their vegetable crisper? Is something forcing its way out of a 350°F oven, smoking and groaning and lumbering from Mrs. Bailey's kitchen through their backyard and up your driveway?... closer! Closer!! Be watchful this season!... Be watchful, aware, and even frightened if necessary... before you give any "thanks". There! Is that a scratching at your screen door???....

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ASK YOURSELF!

Ask1) Does your hemline ride so high that it invites wolf-whistles not just on the sidewalk, but at children’s birthday parties… and funerals?
2) Have you placed slits on your skirt to hint that there’s more than meets the eye… and that you’re eager to show exactly what that is?
3) Do you wear patterned stockings in lurid colors and textures…or perhaps no stockings at all?
4) Do you wear sunglasses in provocative shapes… even on rainy days… or at night?... or indoors, perhaps in a basement playroom… or in a closet with the door closed?
5) Do you wear dresses cut in suggestive silhouettes and in loud colors or broad stripes to conceal that you’re not wearing sensible and modest undergarments? And pockets! Are they really working pockets… or decoy ones with the bottoms cut out to allow for “free-feels” by blind-dates? or customers?

If you’ve answered “yes” to one or more of these questions, then Gentlemen, it’s time for you to repent. Please report immediately to Reverend Pete Penobscott’s Prayerful Pokey and Rehabilitation Academy. In just 8 short weeks, you can rid yourself of sinful silliness and the distractions of fashion foolishness; two terrible temptations that can invite the Unholy Trickster into your life! Call today for your booklet and all the info. Just dial I-M-A-F-L-O-U-N-C-Y! That’s right. Dial 462-356-8629. The nice man will tell you how to order!

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Sybil's "31 DAYS OF HALLOWEEN!".... My Career at Hammer Films!

Darlings, have I told you about some of the films I did at Hammer Studios in England with my pals Christopher Lee, Peter Cushing, Barbara Shelley, Hazel Court, and oh so many others! It was after the whole HUAC and Blacklisting scandals in Hollywood, and the unraveling of my wonderful life in film. I had been reduced to regional and dinner theatre, then downhill to carny shows, fortune telling tents, dunk-the-clown-booths, and finally burlesque as Amooze Boosh with cleverly placed buttercream frosting and a croissant. The British were very generous though, and whisked me away to Hammer studios for a number of years there! Here are some publicity stills from a few of my first films there (top row, left to right): CANNIBAL NANNY (1959), BADMINTON ZOMBIE SQUAD (1958), MENS ROOM FOR MONSTERS (1958), (bottom row, left to right) CRACK-POT CHIROPRACTOR (1959), CHILDREN OF THE CREAMED CORN (1960), THE PINEAPPLE THAT ATE PEORIA (1961), and its sequel, THE JELLO MOLD WITH PINEAPPLE CHUNKS AND MINI-MARSHMALLOWS THAT ATE PEORIA AFTER IT REBUILT (1962)…. Ah, good times… good times.

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Sybil Bruncheon's 31 Days of Halloween!!... Scary Screen & Scream Stars!!

Hey, what’s Halloween without our favorite very-scary stars? Check out the Horrifying “Who'z Dats?” right here under the “Who’z Dat? tab… or check out the Halloween tab! They’re all waiting right there for you at the top of the page! Just click away!! BOOOOO!

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Sybil Bruncheon's 31 Days of Halloween... MUMMIE MEETS THE MUMMY (1931)...

... My appearance in MUMMIE MEETS THE MUMMY (1931), directed by Tod Browning. It was Hollywood's first foray into the musical-monster-comedy genre and the budget was huge. I played a terribly glamorous lady-archaeologist who discovers that she is the reincarnation of the first lady-pharaoh, Queen Ma-Hotsa-Totsa. I am reunited with my lover from 3000 years before, Kare-Lees, the high-priest of Heepsa-Hummus. Sadly, our relationship ended on the eve of our wedding, when my handmaidens caught him trying on my bridal trousseau and turning my favorite bath mat into a pashmina! And then Kare-lees was turned into a mummy all wrapped in ace bandages and buried alive! Can you imagine?

Well, the film was full of musical numbers, tanna leaves, of course, incense burners, pyramids, cats, camels, feasts, orgies, and lots of oiled up muscular slaves, loincloths, stranglings, poisonings, people walking sideways… that sort of thing... oh, and way too much sand that just got in everywhere… if you know what I mean!! And then that awful Hays Committee decided that the film had... um... "deviant and morally questionable overtones that might upset or confuse impressionable persons and young men of delicate sensibilities". I'm sure I don't know what they meant... although my hand-hammered solid gold snake brassiere was a little too loose. But that nice Mr. Adrian adjusted it so that it wouldn't fall off during my dance of the seventy-two veils... no matter how frisky I got. Ah, good times... good times.

(Sybil’s necklace designed by Arthur DeCaprio)

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BREAKING NEWS from the CNN news desk... "and leave the driving to us!"...

Steve Bannon and the Alt-Right Travelers Bureau announce the new Whites-Only Bus Lines!… Just think, folks! No more of those meddling minorities sulking about having to move to the back of the bus. Now, with the W.O.B.L. there IS no back of the bus! Every seat is First Class, and only the salted peanuts are second-class! YEEE-HAW!!! Our many travel hubs include Buttsmel, Indiana; Polka-Ma-Hola, Iowa; Monkey-Pudding, Nebraska; Three-Teeth, Arkansas; and Shitzpantz, Ohio. All the romantic stops along the Red States Riviera! Make your reservations at 247-867-7555. That's right, just dial C-H-R-U-M-P-S-K-K-K. The nice man in the pillowcase will tell you how to order…

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Sybil Bruncheon's MORE THAN THEY SEEM STORIES... “The Fifth Wheel"...

Carlton Ambersen, Henry Stareweather III, Fragard Boothe, and Marvin Rorick had all been school chums from the time they were enrolled in kindergarten in the exclusive Hampton Valley Country Day School to their post-graduate days after the Ivy League Colleges they all attended. They were successful in businesses and professions that brought them wealth, respect, and all the trappings of the good life in New York City. The 1950s were about prosperity and glamour and they intended to celebrate the very best of all of it. And girls? They were everywhere, always attentive, flirtatious, but never playing hard-to-get, which is what most “nice” girls had been brought up to be. So when the four got together for their Martini-Mondays, Tequila-Tuesdays, or the Free-Styling-Fridays for laughs, cocktails, and weekends-away plans, any guests that happened to wander into their circle were extraneous. Even lovely Dianna Wintworth, the “Vaseline heiress” who was good for a few laughs and for the expensive furs and accessories she’d always wear. Carlton would get her drunk, Henry would get her laughing, and Frag and Marv would start trying on her minks or sables and flounce around doing their “high-society dame” routines and lip-synching to Patty Page and Jo Stafford records on the juke box. A good time was had by all, especially when they would roll Dianna into a cab around 8 and start their weekends “at the cabin”.

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Sybil's 31 Days of Halloween: Sybil Bruncheon’s “Hollywood’s Hysterical Histories”

True Story!... Following a stunning career with the handsomest leading men and the most iconic film scripts, Ingrid Bergman was reduced to lurid, low-budget "nudie-monster-movies" after she was shunned by the studios for her out-of-wedlock affair with Roberto Rossellini. She was basically exiled from Hollywood, going from mega-stardom at Paramount, MGM, and Warner Brothers to a forlorn twilight at studios like Jankowinski Movie-Toons, Blatt Sisters Cinema, and The Creepy-Comedy Contract Players. Seen here in happier days with Humphrey Bogart and Cary Grant, she could only sneak back in under a sad parade of pseudonyms including Ivana Hoope, Lestrina Gargeaux, and Debbie Flatt, shown here with her "co-star/leading man" in I MARRIED A GARDEN GRUB (1951). She followed it with the musical sequels ANTZ IN HER PANTZ (1952), THE PROFESSOR & HIS PUPAS (1953), and a remake of LAURA with Vincent Price titled LARVA (1954). When asked by reporters as she left the country on the S.S. Stockholm, she was quoted as snarling, "Hollywood! Dessa stinkande jävlarna!"..

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Sybil Bruncheon's 31 DAYS OF HALLOWEEN!... Kitties and Costumes!

"I HAVE chosen my Hallowe'en costume! I'm going to the party as a Caesar Salad... hand me those damn croutons!!!… and light on the dressing!"...

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A DEBBIE DOWNER ALERT...

Do you have a Debbie Downer on your Facebook page? I do.. They just look at your photos but don’t read the story and then make stupid or redundant statements! Or they “help” rewrite your story in their comments never having written a story themselves; snark about this or that on YOUR posts but never offer anything of interest on their own pages; tell you how wrinkled, old, fat, or ugly you are while looking like Jabba The Hutt themselves; …Oh, the list goes on and on! And so, in the spirit of upcoming Holiday merry-making and cheer, I’m posting some of my very favorite comments that I’ve gotten! Sadly, there’s only room for ten, but OH how I could fill the room. If nothing else, Debbie Downer is prolific! ….

1) Although 'auburn' COULD be described as a member of the 'brown' family, it still should be considered its own very special color."

2) "I always think that insects shouldn't be referred to as 'bugs' especially as the punchline of a joke."

3) "Some readers may not realize that you're making a joke about the Donner Pass because they actually have had a cannibal experience...either at home..or in grade school."

4) "That isn't your cousin with the eating disorder.... that's Norma Shearer in LADY OF THE NIGHT (1925).... or was it 1926….I know it’s in the 1920s …. Or maybe the 1930s???"

5) "Sybs, I have an allergy to turnips and beets too!...that's why I didn't laugh."

6) "White chocolate isn't really chocolate...technically. Here's a Wiki link to explain it to you"

7) "I like balloons, but only with helium, because a hydrogen balloon can blow up and set a clown on fire. That's what happened to my uncle at my 4th birthday party"

8) "Chill Wills...or Sterling Holloway.....or maybe Sterling Hayden"...

9) "Sibby, your post is too long and I didn't want to spend time reading it when I had to go to work and do a special project for my boss in the accounting department who just got home from a 3 week vacation in Mazatlan...or was it Massachusetts? Anyway, I don’t like to spend time reading elaborate stories, so could you please just post pretty pictures of nice things so we don’t have to read your stories which many of us don’t have time for when we’re busy with other things."

10) "Sybil...Dear sweet Sybil....Although I hesitate to correct you, the Earth is NOT flat and people won't fall off if they drive 300 miles in any one direction, or didn't you know that?...or are you off your meds again?”

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