Myrna learns something new!!!.....

Myrna Bañaga determined that too much starch didn't make her work uniform look crisp and tailored! It made her look rigid and unwilling to accept change at the office. The nice lady in the Human Resources office told her so..... they called it her "first warning"....

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...from Sybil Bruncheon's "EASTER EGGS-traordinaries"... NEWS BULLETIN!!!

NEWS BULLETIN!!! ...this just in! The State Department has revealed new footage of the terrorist organization ISIS. It appears that to honor the Christian world's upcoming holiday of Easter, members of ISIS are now concealing their identities with festive Holiday wear when they perform their customary beheading ceremonies. A spokesman for the group apologizes to the West for not being able to also find "marshmallow-peep" masks or charming little Easter bonnets for their female suicide bombers! Details at 6. Bright pink plastic grass and scimitars at 11. 

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It's Spring time!!!

Ladies!!!...(and like-minded Gents!)...Spring is almost here, and we all want to give her a warm welcome into our homes, don't we?? Well, now is the time to start those special "Spring-Cleaning" projects that we knew were coming back in February. Procrastination is NOT the way to go! Let's pull out the silver polish, the can of Lemon Pledge, the Swiffer, and the extension poles for the Electro-Lux and get to those special neglected parts of our homes! You never know what may be waiting for you there!! A quarter in the sofa cushions, a missing earring under the side table.... or....?????

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SYBIL BRUNCHEON'S STORY BOOK CORNER: Cornelia Eustachia Pinkleberry......

SYBIL'S STORY BOOK CORNER: Good evening Boys and Girls!! I hope you're indoors where all the snow and ice can't chill your bones...or freeze your little toes off! Would you like to hear a story?? A story about a beautiful lady who lived a long time ago in New York City when it was still a friendly place with nice stores??? ...you would?? Well, get Sybil a nice cup of hot chocolate while she warms herself by the fire and I'll tell you... Oh, and Darling please make it a very, VERY big cup, and put some of your Father's scotch in it, but let's not tell him, ok?...

Once upon a time, there was a very lovely lady named Cornelia Eustachia Pinkleberry, of the famous Pinkleberry Department Store & Emporium fortune. She was as sweet as she was beautiful! And as beautiful as she was wealthy! Everyone loved her, and liked to be with her. And some men liked to be with her alone, but she said NO!!! Well, one day, Corny (that was her nickname, but only special ladies from her Women's Gymnastic and Interpretive Dance Seminars were allowed to call her that!) went out in the evening air for a walk and to get a beverage from a local café that served ... um... special kinds of drinks for special customers. Corny often went to this little café on Tuesdays... or any day of the week actually. And sometimes EVERYDAY....

When she walked in, the tiny brass bell on the door tinkled happily as if to say "Hello, Corny!" as she entered. She spoke politely to Big Hank, the nice man with one eye behind the counter, and gave him some money, and he gave her a bottle wrapped in brown paper. He did it in a funny way, because he slipped it UNDER the counter top instead of on top... That's how Corny liked to get it, and she told him so, but politely. And she even let Big Hank pinch her bottom sometimes, even though when he smiled he only had three teeth. Then she took her nice treat out into the snowy night, and began to walk home... along the way, she felt chilly because the wind had started to blow sideways, and the snow was beginning to block the view of the cozy houses with their glowing windows on 5th Avenue where she lived..... thirty-eight blocks away.

She stopped in an alleyway to have a little sip of the nice drink that Big Hank made in a bath tub in his basement while funny ladies did dances in coconut brassieres and grass skirts in front of ..uh...."theatre-goers". The nice drink made her feel warmer, and she started out again for home. But within about 7 feet she decided that she'd like another little taste ...and then another.... and then another. Pretty soon... well, can you guess what happened, children? Yes! That's right. She ran out of the nice drink, and the bottle was empty. Corny was sad...and very chilly. She thought maybe she should go back to Big Hank and buy another nice bottle. Or maybe make him GIVE her one for free because the first one wasn't full enough and she might have to tell him so... but then she thought maybe Big Hank was too far away now, and she was closer to home and she could get warm there. But she couldn't quite figure out how far she was from her home either... Has that ever happened to YOU?? You know where you live, but you get lost anyway?? And then you get a little scared? That happened to me once, and then a bad man asked if he could help me, but I screamed and ran away. But that's a story I'll tell you some other time. Back to Corny.

So she was very, very cold, and she decided to go home, but she didn't know where home was because the snow was blowing too hard, and the drink had made her a little dizzy, and she had started singing songs at the top of her lungs....and doing pretty dances like she learned with the other nice ladies. After a while she got a little tired because she had danced all the way down to the Hudson River! Do you know where that is? Well, it's a very nice place to visit in the Summer, but not on a Winter night in 1888. Corny looked out at the water and thought to herself, "I don't remember a canal running down the middle of 5th Avenue! Why, it looks just like Venice where Papa took me last April! I'm going to sit on this bench and wait for a gondola to come by so I can buy a pizza." And do you know what happened, Boys & Girls?? No, now don't all shout at once! YES! That's right!! Corny went to sleep!! And the snow fell for a long time... for three whole days!

One day, some men who were sailors walked by a snowman that was near their boat, and they thought it was funny that it was wearing a lady's hat! And then, they looked closer and saw that it was beautiful Cornelia Eustachia Pinkleberry of the Pinkleberry Department Store and Emporium fortune!… because everyone at that time knew Corny from her pictures in the fancy ladies gazettes, calendars, and naughty playing cards. They asked her if she was feeling alright, and they even shook her a little, but POLITELY, because that's what gentlemen did back in those days, even sailors. Corny didn't answer them, which a lady would ALWAYS do to men who shook her...even sailors. And then she sort of fell over, and the big sailors screamed... sort of like girls who see a spider! ... a really BIG spider. They would have run away, but they remembered that Corny was very rich, so they carefully picked her up out of the snow. She was folded into a funny shape that people usually aren't in except when they sleep in the snow... for a long time. And they carried her back to her beautiful house on 5th Avenue, after they got the address from Big Hank who was a friend of theirs too... He was a friend of a lot of folks back then.

When they took Corny back to her home, all the servants in the house were very, very sad! Some of them were so sad, they went through her pockets and even up to her room to take souvenirs because they loved her so. And they also noticed that Corny was just as beautiful asleep as she had been when when she was awake. Mr. Prumble, the head butler, said that it was because she was the sweetest and most beautiful creature he had ever seen. And Mrs. Curnt, the head cook, said it was because Big Hank's nice drink was special, and had stuff in it that would keep Corny looking beautiful for 25 years. And then all the servants stood around and remembered nice stories, and they decided to call a very friendly man who lived in Greenwich Village who painted pictures of ladies.... sometimes with no clothes on. They wanted him to come to the house right away and paint Corny exactly the way she looked right then with her eyes wide open and her hands in her favorite muff, and her head tilted just so... and that's just what he did. He asked them for some money, and they gave it to him. And they gave him some hot chocolate with marshmallows and some of Big Hank's special drink in it. And then they all hung the beautiful new picture of Cornelia in the big entry hall right over the fireplace that greeted visitors when they came. And the glow of the fire lit the room with warmth and cheer, and Corny smiled down at all of them. And she would smile just that way... forever, and ever.... and always be beautiful!... Well? What do you think, children? Was that a nice story to hear on a snowy night??

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POST-HOLIDAYS "BLUES"????...... what to do? ....what to do???

 Darlings, do you get those dreadful Post-Holiday “Blues”? Well, Mummie is old enough to remember post-holiday blues back with Bob Cratchit and the gang!…. And there were years that were absolutely terrible! Look around you! The presents are all opened, wrapping paper, ribbons, and confetti lie around, as if F.A.O. Schwartz and Bergdorf Goodman either vomited and/or farted in your home… Looking back now, I’m not sure if it was better or worse when Winter actually FELT like Winter, and there were snowdrifts with dead people in them (NYC-1888) or last year when global warming gave us that Hula-Festival in Greenwich Village for Valentine’s Day! But whichever you prefer: 3 months of blizzards or stripping tinsel off your palm tree, those 8 weeks till March can be brutal for the unprepared! Many years, I’ve taken to my bathtub on New Year’s eve with a box of Calgon Bouquet, a bottle of Veuve Clicquot, and a razor blade….oh! And Guy Lombardo on the radio…. Well, I’m finding all sorts of new “purpose” in my life, especially now that I’m in my…. um….. mid-30s. And one of those wonderful contributions I can make to my loved ones is to help them through life’s annoying and discouraging travails, using my own experiences….

You know, a nice old gypsy woman read my palm once and told me, (and I quote!), “Da vay you valkt vahs torny, tru no folt ob yorr own, but az dee rrain entors da soil, da ribberr entors da ses, so teerrrs ron to a prredestin end. Yore soffering sxb an Usnn7z %nK* ees over, Sheebul $&haR2*91m…..”. Actually, at that point, she sort of lost me, but I’m sure she was saying nice things to me because she kept smiling even as tears ran down her face, and eventually I found my wallet a day or two later. My point is that, we can find all sorts of new ways to look at life even in the dullest days of Winter. And here are a few suggestions that have worked for me!!!

1)     Instead of rushing to break down all those Christmas/Hannukah/Holiday decorations and strip your home bare, leave them up for a while. After all, in many parts of the world, “EPIPHANY” (January 6th) is actually a bigger holiday than Christmas itself. Epiphany is the day that the three wise men traditionally come to the stable, and officially “recognize” Jesus as the miracle baby. Many countries give their children their presents on THAT night, not the 25th. And where do you think the 12 Days Of Christmas comes from??? Right!!! The 12 days between the 25th and the 6th!!! Nice, huh??? And did you notice that in the song, the gifts actually increase in value as the nights go by??? A ‘partridge in a pear tree’ - nice! But ‘twelve drummers drumming’? - Fabulous!… (unless of course, you have a hangover.) Good Heavens! Between eight days of Hannukah and twelve days of Christmas, you can really ‘clean up’….. and then add in whatever the Kwanzaa folks do, and December starts to be so festive, you may WANT to shut down for the month of January in a detox unit! But if you ARE still looking for some fun, figure out a way to reconfigure your Holiday décor for January. Put away the menorahs, the Nativity scenes, and the motorized  laughing Santa by the front door, and leave up garlands of silver, gold, blue and white and turn your home into a celebration of the Winter Nights. Leave the Holiday lights up to keep it festive….(and to keep you from breaking your neck on the front porch) If friends ask, just tell them you love the way it all chases the darkness away. It’s not like you’ve turned into Miss Havisham, and your 20 year old Christmas tree has become a fire hazard! And who doesn’t want some cheerfulness with the sun setting at 4:30 in the afternoon???

2)     January and February are great months to shake up the shut-in routine! Instead of hunkering down into a kind of hibernation/homeless man/huddle, use this time to do all the stuff you save for “Spring-cleaning”. Be honest, wouldn’t it make more sense to put on all your favorite music and clean out that closet, the attic, the basement?? Donate all the things you truly don’t use to a local charity, and give your home a new fresh feel at the time you need it most! And invite friends over for a Saturday-paint-the-bedroom picnic!!! Changing the color of your home is a total ‘attitude-adjuster’. Why wait to do these projects till the warm weather is tempting you to go outside and NOT do them?? And trust me; when you’ve cleaned your closets, or painted a room or two, there is nothing like the feeling you get the next day and you wake up to a whole new home! It can be sleeting outside, but you’ll feel like a garden is blooming in your LIFE!!!

3)     At no other time of the year, do folks surrender to the same old boring routine! The sun rises late, sets early, and we humans are still basically living by the same bio-clock that our prehistoric ancestors were dialed to. Even with night-clubs, and street lights, and big-city-excitement, we still rush into our caves and huddle around our TV-set-campfires after a day of hunter-gathering-number-crunching. Why wait till the Spring to get out of the house??? Take up a new hobby, or enroll in a class. But do it with others!!! Needlepoint, knitting, cooking, book-clubbing, canasta, bridge, macramé, funny-ceramics class with Mummy (hint, hint!!!). Find a group of folks who are learning something new, and join them. Ask friends who may already be doing it…or gather a bunch of friends together who are just as post-December-Disgruntled as you!!! Even if you can’t agree on a common hobby to approach as a group, you could plan a weekly activity that makes you look forward to that special day together. What if you always made Wednesdays your “Hump-Day Holiday” and went to a different restaurant to try a different world cuisine? And made a point of writing a funny ‘restaurant review’ in 25 words or less that each of you read to the others the following week during the first round of cocktails??? Eight weeks/eight new restaurant adventures!! I always find that surrounding myself with folks that I like reminds me to be grateful for the loveliness in my life…and open to even more loveliness that’s just waiting to waltz right in the front door!!!

      Well, Mummie’s lectured enough for today!!! But I’ll close with this. As we all get older, it can get very easy to surrender to the ‘aches and pains’ of life, not just physically, but emotionally, spiritually, and even philosophically. I’ve noticed that two of my favorite quotes are coming back to haunt me more and more as the years go by. I learned them both when I was very(!) little, as if, on some level I knew they’d serve me well later, and here they are crowding a lot of extraneous stuff out of the way; Jack London’s credo- “I would rather be ashes than dust!...”. And Dylan Thomas’ “Do not go gentle into that good night!...’. … now let’s see. For the guest bathroom. ‘Cucumber Caprice’, or ‘Misty Malted Milk-ball’????? Mrs. Granville? Mrs. Granville! (she’s my maid in charge of “Home-Crafts”!)…. where’s the paint roller… and my rubber gloves???

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Sybil Bruncheon’s “Christmas time!!! ..... the Hohenzollerns!”

.......oh yes! Everyone remembers the tragedy of the Romanov family being deposed from their thrones in Russia and executed in a basement, but how many historians talk about the royal Hohenzollerns of Eastern Rumelia?? Dating back for 700 years, they ruled placidly until 1903 when an uprising of Communists, Anarchists, Bee-Keepers, and Limerick reciters stormed their palace in the capitol of Plovdiv, and seized the royal family ...including the children! Their horrible fate??.... to be given the most forlorn Christmas presents that could be found anywhere in the kingdom and then to be forced to play with them until all family members had died of boredom.

This included early proto-types of board games like "Uncle Wiggly in Somno-Land", "Chinese Dumpling Checkers", and "Monotony" by the Parker Brothers. What was especially disturbing to the international community was the added cruelty of hideous neckties on the men depicting elves sledding down Poppa's tummy...and electrified "Holiday sweaters" with added ornamentation of the 8 not-so-tiny reindeer doing bad things with each other on the women.

The bodies of the royal family and their servants were found in a heap in a butler's pantry along with hundreds of unmailed "thank you" notes they had been forced to write in crayon (!) to imaginary gift givers in Ohio.... It was clear they had been fed nothing but fossilized fruit cakes, probably left over from the 19th century.... Horrible! HORRIBLE!! 

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Christmas time!!! ..... Little Sybil!

......at the age of 5, Sybil Bruncheon had already declared her interest in directing and choreography! At one particular Christmas spectacular, she had her first professional meltdown during a final-tech rehearsal when the Betsie-Wetsie kickline completely upstaged both the rocking giraffes and the Pow-WOW Indian village tableau! She stormed off and could only be lured back with animal crackers and a cup of hot cocoa....."with six marshmallows DAMMIT! I SAID SIX!!! ....alright, Kabuki Squirrels go back to your mark, and this time I want you to be friskier with the Park Avenue Raggedy Anns! And YOU! Tap-dancing Endive Salads! The Meatloafs are your husbands! Remember? Flirt with them more!....Take it from the top!...and a 5-6-7-8!".......

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Sybil Bruncheon’s “Christmas time, 1942!!! ....Bob Hope!”

....the only Christmas USO special where Bob Hope decided to spend three hours talking to the troops about VD...... and egg nog... Roosevelt told him to keep his mouth shut, and General Patton threatened to shoot him dead if he ever showed up again without Betty Grable..or at least Gene Autrey! I know! I was there!!

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Holiday Special on NBC!......

THIS WEEKEND ON NBC!!! ....Sybil Bruncheon's "THE CAPRICIOUS CHRISTMAS CAROUSEL".....starring Vic Damone, Kathryn Crosby, Narda Onyx, The Corps de Ballet de Akron, and ZZ Top!!! Seen here in the photo are the "Deranged Snowflakes of Donner Pass", .....(from left to right) Ki-Ki, Fee-Fee, Sweetling, Mintzi, Charmeuse, and Kevin. Stay tuned for local times and listings.....

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Sybil Bruncheon’s “Christmas time!!! ..... Janet Leigh!”

...and so the studio executives told Hitchcock that making PSYCHO a Christmas special was out of the question!!!!.... he never forgave them!

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