Sybil Bruncheon's "A Winter's Tale #44"... The Stockford Children...

Boys and Girls! Back before the Internet, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, cell phones, androids, or even Girl Scout cookies, people used to send each other little notes and postcards made of chewed up lumber products called cardboard! Whole forests across the countryside disappeared so that nice people could be polite and cheerful to each other through 6 mail deliveries a day! Can you imagine?! Every few hours, a mailman would ring your bell to bring you the latest news about Mary Louise's graduation from Posture College or Aunt Zeldeena's bunion surgery. But people also sent very serious and sometimes tragic news through the mail! Here is an early version of today's "Amber Alerts"..... 

It seems that in the brutal Winter of 1897, the four Stockford children went out of their home in Wauseon, Ohio around 5PM to pick up some cheese and Carr's Table Water Crackers at Mrs. Pinckney's Delicious Notions Shoppe on the busy corner of Granger St. and William Henry Harrison Blvd. But they never arrived. As soon as these charming little "Missing-Children-And-Presumed-Dead" cards went out, search teams began looking. Sadly, because of the postal system, many of the cards didn't get delivered to the authorities until a week or so later!.... But everyone thought the likenesses were very accurate and the nice lace borders were very attractive! And who doesn't like getting lovely cards through the mail?....for any occasion!!... 

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Sybil's "History-On-This-Date - Jan. 1st, 1912"... The good ship Longan Hills.

Yes, Folks, on this date in 1912, this photo was taken of the Longan Hills Ferry which crossed from Staten Island to Manhattan and back again on regular service for several years until that fateful first day of 1912. It was at 2PM, and although the sun was shining brightly and there had been a brief warm-up in the Winter weather, the danger of icebergs was still high. This is the last photo of the passengers and the ill-fated ship... within 18 minutes of the shutter clicking on this happy scene the terrible horror unfolded. Captain Ira Hankheimer had pushed the vessel to its maximum speed of 3 mph and rushed headlong into the ice field. Warnings had been issued, by both seal hunters and members of the Polar Bear Nudist Society, but NO! Hankheimer was determined to break the holiday-crossing record, and he (and his passengers!) paid the hideous price.

As you can see from the photo, at this time, there were separate parts of the boats for men and women.... the men could spit, smoke, swear, and recite saucy limericks at will on their side, and the ladies could discuss gardening, fashion patterns, and ...um.. "women's hygiene" on theirs. On impact with the treacherous ice, sixty-eight of the passengers and thirteen of the brave crew perished in the rushing waters. An additional fifty-six died later from the exposure mostly to the cold, but many also to the sight of the Polar Bear Nudist Society. Some actually gouged their own eyes out back on dry-land. Sadly, it was on the ladies' side of the boat that the Polar Bear Nudists attempted to board and save lives during the sinking. It was impossible to decipher whether the hysterical screams of the women were from drowning or from seeing what happens to a man's "private areas".... in icy water.

You may ask why you haven't heard more about this sea-going tragedy; the answer is very simple. The sinking of the Titanic just a few months later on April 15th completely eclipsed the public's memory of that tragic New Year's Day in 1912.

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SYBIL PREDICTS!!!... #51....

SYBIL PREDICTS!!!... yes, folks, it's that time again when I make my predictions for the New Year and those mysterious days lying ahead of us...

Prediction #51: In this next year, the cost of housing both for sale and rental will continue to skyrocket! As super-wealthy politicians like former Mayors Mike Bloomberg and Rudy Giuliani of NYC and most of the Republican Senators and Congressmen in Washington continue to ignore the crisis and even aggravate it, some innovative designers will create new alternatives for urban dwellers. Just because a modest one-bedroom apartment will rent for over $12,000 a month in a bad neighborhood doesn't mean that we won't be able to have some basic and even cute touches in our homes; for instance, your "kitchen" is actually an end-table in your living room?...why not this sleek Mini-Kitchen the size of an overnight case!? It makes every part of a delicious breakfast for you in minutes, and clean-up is a snap!

Of course, with a solution like this for kitchens, the logical step is that living rooms will be reduced to the size of a roll-on suitcase, bedrooms will be storage boxes, and a bathroom will be a Maxwell coffee can and a ladle. ...On the plus side though, there will be no more need for real estate agents! People will simply shop for their new apartments at Walmart! ...in the "Storage", "Travel", and "Grocery" aisles.... Your new home will all fit neatly into a single shopping cart! 

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SYBIL PREDICTS!!!... #10....

SYBIL PREDICTS!!!... yes, folks, it's that time again when I make my predictions for the New Year and those mysterious days lying ahead of us...

Prediction #10: In this next year, there will be some very good news! Increasing feelings of brotherhood between different races, religions, creeds, and nationalities will result in a huge wave of "humanism" first espoused by, of all things, ANIMALS! In Polka-Ma-Hola, Mississippi, in a surprise election coup, the new Grand Imperial Dragon Emperor Wizard of the National Ku Klux Klan will be an affable mixed breed named Scritchy. Belonging to the Hottler family of 1312 Sackett Lane, he will assume his new title today, New Years Day at 12 Noon. When interviewed by local news crews, Enid Hottler (11 years old) stated that no one in the family had known that Scritchy had ever been a member of the Ku Klux Klan, "..but then he often would go out by himself on weekend nights and not come home till Monday!".

Scritchy himself has told the press that his agenda in the Ku Klux Klan of the new millennium will be to turn all their attention away from Jewish people ("They always talk intelligently to cats about European literature and philosophy!"), African Americans ("They're great cuddlers and let you lick frosting!"), Catholics ("Who doesn't like Italian leftovers?"), and Gays ("They're obsessed with fabulous kitty-accessories! How do you like my new Grand Wizard cape...with the glitter-embellishments?")....

Scritchy also stated that the new Ku Klux Klan would now focus on civic activities like alleyway "sing-alongs”, extensive tree and leg rubbing, and human-face purring at 6 in the morning. He would also ask the national council to begin a reign of terror on objects that need to be gradually pushed off counters, on computer keyboards that need to be used as cushions, and on various garden bugs that need to be brought into the house and played with in front of shrieking owners.

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SYBIL PREDICTS!!!... #49....

SYBIL PREDICTS!!!... yes, folks, it's that time again when I make my predictions for the New Year and those mysterious days lying ahead of us...

Prediction #49: In this next year, due to a worldwide famine, the Food Network will have to boost its sagging ratings by easing aside their regular stable of chefs in favor of more glamorous Hollywood stars! Stars with iconic pasts, great physical appeal, and perhaps just a touch of domestic neurosis!... especially during turkey carving, carrot dicing, and even clean-up time after chopping stuff!

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SYBIL PREDICTS!!!... #18....

SYBIL PREDICTS!!!... yes, folks, it's that time again when I make my predictions for the New Year and those mysterious days lying ahead of us...

Prediction #18: In this next year, food will become scarcer, and by next year, it will be considered very valuable!...and rare! Consequently, the scientific community will use all of its remaining resources and brain power to create small table-top time-machines at farmers markets, fresh produce stands, and urban cafes! For a fee, familiar food items from the past will be transported through the space/time continuum to the lucky buyer. Sadly, because the cost will be so prohibitive, any food brought into our dimension will immediately be varnished and framed for public viewing....NOT EATING! And only the rich will be able to avail themselves of this luxury!! Fresh Direct will become a branch of NASA, and every Whole Foods will be renamed BLACK-HOLE FOODS….

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SYBIL PREDICTS!!!... #7....

SYBIL PREDICTS!!!... yes, folks, it's that time again when I make my predictions for the New Year and those mysterious days lying ahead of us...

Prediction #7: In this next year, with growing interest in mass transit and the gradual disappearance of private vehicles, city bus design will become more and more streamlined. Indeed, with greater rider-ship, the buses will be made longer and longer, almost resembling futuristic rocket ships or ocean liners. By 2023, most city buses will be over 800' long, and commuters will simply board at one end, greet the driver, pay their fare, and then walk to the other end of the bus and "exit out the back please". Needless to say, this will save considerably on ANY fuel being used at all; and, with all the long-distance walking, the 21st century obesity and heart-disease issues will become a thing of the past!; a total Win-Win situation!!

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SYBIL PREDICTS!!!... #66....

SYBIL PREDICTS!!!... yes, folks, it's that time again when I make my predictions for the New Year and those mysterious days lying ahead of us...

Prediction #66: In this next year, with the oncoming famine, animals both domestic and in the wild will disappear. Tragically, trusting household pets will be the first to go. Formerly loving owners will first turn on their aquarium fish, reptiles, snakes, iguanas, then small and very cute rodents, then parakeets and the larger bird species, and finally dogs and cats! The heartbreak will rend society's very fabric. Families will be torn asunder. And the morals and basic laws of civilization will begin to vanish. For the few who can maintain their sanity in the face of all this loss, the creation of "Fashion-Accessories-As-Pets" will open new vistas for comfort and companionship. ..... By 2023, all Petland Discount Stores will be converted to Pradas.

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SYBIL PREDICTS!!!... #45....

SYBIL PREDICTS!!!... yes, folks, it's that time again when I make my predictions for the New Year and those mysterious days lying ahead of us...

Prediction #45: In this next year, people will still want some of the amenities of life, the basics, the simple joys! How many of us today want to go out into the world to find romance, or to spend a lovely weekend with a new and sexy friend?..or to even feel that WE'RE the cute young thing that's being stared at in the pick-up bar?...well, my friends, those very same urges will still be alive and well in the coming year! Sadly, with dwindling petroleum supplies and the diminishing manufacture of cosmetics, most people will turn to plastic surgery for more permanent changes in their appearance. But with the disappearance of a Middle Class, and increasingly desperate financial circumstances..... well, "Necessity Is The Mother Of Invention"....

Here we have four of Hollywood's most famous celebrities after their do-it-at-home facelifts... (clockwise from top right) Julianne Moore, Tom Hanks, Justin Timberlake, and Oprah Winfrey. ....Smart investors however will make fortunes with the 3M Corporation...

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SYBIL PREDICTS!!!... #24...

SYBIL PREDICTS!!!... yes, folks, it's that time again when I make my predictions for the New Year and those mysterious days lying ahead of us...

Prediction #24: In this next year in Asia, as all dogs and indeed every other kind of animal in both wild and domesticated species are eaten, humans will once again have to turn to cannibalism since they will be the only remaining thing to eat. More sophisticated diners will come up with a delightful new culinary treat!... Eating THEMSELVES! Festive evenings out at a fancy restaurant will entail picking which part of your anatomy you'd like the chef to prepare, and then enjoying a nice aperitif with friends before "dinner". And what a wonderful way to stick to your diet! The weight comes off every time you dine!....LITERALLY!!!...

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