*Tour-ette getting ready for Halloween / Part I... 10/28/2021

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Sybil Bruncheon's 31 Days of Halloween: Hysterical Histories Dept... Paris, 1789

We all know about the French Revolution and that Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette, the king and queen of France, were eventually beheaded along with thousands of others by the raging mobs of deprived citizens. We were told that it was extreme poverty and injustice that triggered this turbulent time... BUT... did you know that it was actually a small, in-house production of a play created for all the nobility living in and around the great palace of Versailles? It's true!!!.. Marie Antoinette scheduled her little acting troupe to put on a musical "divertissement" for the King and about 500 of his guests in their dinner-theatre, La Maison de Caprice Avec Collations et Comédie... the play? "Monsieur Bo-Jangles Va à la Pêche Et Attrape Une Pastèque"... which roughly translates to "Mr. Bojangles Goes A-Fishin' and Catches Hisself a Watermelon"... well! It wasn't just the tone of the little play-lette that aroused the servants, but it was the fact that it was done in black-face! Within the first 8 minutes of the opening number, "I Rows My Un Petite Boat Down The Mississippi!", that a riot broke out which engulfed the famous Hall of Mirrors, the entire palace complex, and spread out onto the grounds. Statues, fountains, and royal croquet sets were smashed, vandalized, and even urinated upon!... And the revolution, the "Glorious Revolution", was aflame and underway!... and that's what happened on Halloween night, October 31st, 1789.

(with great thanks to Tallulah Belulah Dahling for her photo)

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Sybil Bruncheon’s “My Merry Memoirs”… The Pumpkin House…

There I am at "21" having lunch with Pet Harkness as she tells me about the famous "Pumpkin House" going on the auction block... you know the one, right?… way up on the upper West Side of Manhattan overlooking the Hudson River. It was 1936, and it had been built in the 1920s. I'd been at dozens of parties in it and had always wanted to own it even if it WAS a bit far uptown…and cantilevered off the edge of those cliffs up near Inwood! But the views! And the quiet!... oh my God!

Of course, there was the danger of it falling down in an earthquake, but I met a nice seismologist, Dr. Ibrahim McSulzberger at Rockefeller University, and he had reassured me that they were fairly rare in NYC, and he showed me his seismic water displacement theory while we were taking a bubble bath together. No matter how turbulent the water got, it was unlikely that the bath tub would fall off its foundations! …and we tried many times!! I was ever so relieved!… and my goodness, the doctor got so frisky when he was describing tectonics, but I told him I could find "no FAULTS in his technique"! He laughed and laughed at my little joke! Sadly, I lost out on the bidding for the Pumpkin House!! To Pet Harkness!! She used a pseudonym!…"Kitty Walensky"…or… "Pussy Gabor"…. and then she moved into it with Ibrahim!!… (selfish little bitch!)...

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*Tour-ette from my kitchen... roasted chicken and vegetables! So easy! 10/26/2021

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Sybil Bruncheon's “A Christmas Eve Bulletin for Parents!!!”

Friends, do you have a difficult child in your home? Now it's best to be honest, BRUTALLY honest with yourself and face the harsh reality of a "bad child". Perhaps through no fault of your own, your son or daughter..(or whatever!) is perpetually naughty, and has been so nearly from birth!... maybe even in the Delivery Room? Did your newborn pull a sharp object on your obstetrician... and the attending nurses?

Does your toddler bite, scratch, or kick its playmates, a valuable piece of antique furniture... or even plumbing fixtures?

Does your pre-schooler speak in strange foreign languages or make tropical animal sounds with accompanying gestures, especially when religious persons are visiting, or perhaps your employer and his unsuspecting wife?

Has your child claimed to have a "secret friend"??..... with a name like "Monkey-Woman", "Curtis the Curved-Cucumber", "Qitzzl-Patyl", or "Mrs. Roosevelt"????

Does your 1st grader put his clothes on backwards, or upside down....or does he go out for the day with no clothes on whatsoever?

Does your youngster eat all his vegetables, but insist on biting them directly out of the ground with his own teeth?

Has your daughter ever carried on lengthy and expensive long-distance phone calls... on her shoes... with famous mimes??

Has your child started collecting odd things, like olive pits, burnt matches, or navel lint?

Has your youngster ever used his bedroom closet as a "private elevator to Uncle Satan's house"?

Does your son shoplift various make-up items, and then open a beauty counter at your dining room table when your bridge club meets on Thursdays... where he introduces himself as "Mr. Nancy: Make-up Mentor To Mass-Murderers!"…

These and other peculiar eccentricities can be the advanced and sometimes incurable signs of "Willful Naughtiness". What can a caring parent do? The first step is to call our switchboard and purchase the books and tools needed to turn this terrible situation around! But you must act NOW! Time is of the essence! Our operators are waiting to help YOU! Just dial S-A-V-E-M-Y-B-R-A-T! That's right! Dial 728-369-2728. The nice man will tell you how to order! Procrastination may be fatal!... Don't wait until your sweet little bundle of joy wakes you up on Christmas morning ... with a blowtorch… and an axe!

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Sybil Bruncheon's 31 DAYS OF HALLOWEEN... Guess Who Came To The Party! #17...

The class had assembled for Halloween Day,

All the students in costumes had come!

Maurice was dressed as a gay caba-yay.

And Joe, as an old hobo bum.

Debbie decided she was a great movie star.

And Phyllis had come as a witch.

Dean was a ghost or maybe a ghoul,

He never could tell which was which.

One was a tiger, another a ham... and... um...

Sadly, no one heard the giant lizard-man-thing that came in through the back... The End

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Sybil Bruncheon's 31 DAYS OF HALLOWEEN... Guess Who Came To The Party! #11...

Stevie came as a race car driver, with goggles, slicker, and such.

And Dee Dee there flapped about like a moth, her antennae were such a nice touch.

Suzie dressed up just like an old mule or maybe an old Democrat...

and Carl... um... he came as his mother. The End.

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*Tour-ette on a late October afternoon... and a visitor!!! 10/23/2021

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Sybil Bruncheon's 31 DAYS OF HALLOWEEN... from MY MERRY MEMOIRS, Chapter 32, page 976: All about Abner…

Did I ever tell you about my sweet little brother, Abner? He was ten years younger than me and my identical and incredibly dangerous twin sister Dagmar, and when he was born, I was thoroughly taken with him; devoted and entranced by his smiles, his laughter, his waving of arms and legs whenever he heard music, oh, everything! I helped feed him, bathe him, change his diapers, all of it... without a moment's hesitation.

Dagmar, on the other hand, arranged our Lionel toy-train tracks so that they would end in his crib, often directly at his head. She also would build her towering skyscrapers of Lincoln logs near his bassinet during bath time... and electrify them shortly before she would arrange one of her "earthquakes"! Once she crashed our toy zeppelin in full flames into his stroller when Nanny Prumble took him to the park. And on another occasion, she dressed herself as an Indian, made him into her "papoose", and then wandered into a nearby woods luring bears and wolves to attack by making chicken-clucking sounds, oinking, and smearing the two of them with gravy...

This photo of Abner was taken at Halloween time, not only to show him in his first costume, but more importantly, to prove to the local authorities and Scotland Yard that my family and the staff were doing everything they could to prevent him from dying in a mysterious Jack-O-Lantern/pick-up truck traffic accident... His pumpkin was not only 48 lbs of mattress stuffing reinforced with chicken-wire but was also bullet, flame, and dynamite proof. His little helmet/pumpkin lid was too. He was even taught to "duck and cover" if Nanny Prumble gave him the signal in the event a clown, a bunny, or Dagmar drifted too close...

(postscript: My father rigged up the pumpkin carriage with a miniature machine gun and flame thrower projecting through the Jack-O-Lantern's mouth. Abner learned how to be quite a good shot!!)...

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Sybil Bruncheon’s 31 Days of Halloween: Halloween Game Time"...

Which caption goes with which picture? A or B??

1) I'm stinky and might cause you to get warts or even a bad sore on your private place if you picked me up and put me in your underpants.

2) I make bad sounds not just at night, but all day long. They sound like the noises grampa makes from both his mouth and inside his pants when he's asleep. Or even during the day if he eats beans or gramma's sauerkraut.

3) Even if the most beautiful Princess in the world kissed me, again and again, even all over my body, I would never, ever turn into a handsome Prince... or even a Prince of any sort... not even a really stinky ugly Prince... but her lips might fall off.

4) I like to jump on ladies at parties or even in a restaurant or a hospital and grab them in their lady-place. But don't worry; they let me because maybe they didn't read that I can give them warts or sores... or maybe it's because they like money.

5) I have lots of children because I have lots of wives... and my children have tails when they're born and make bad sounds and smells just like their daddy. I've tried to eat some of them at first, but their mommies stop me... I still give them money so I can grab the girl children... or even lick them.

6) I catch flies with my tongue, not to eat them. I would never eat a fly because they have germs... but I do like to lick them.

7) all of the above.

(answers on page 31 of Highlights Magazine in your Dentist's office... but we'll give you a hint; The answer was never B.)

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