Sybil Bruncheon's "Christmases That Mostly WEREN'T!"... Neither snow, nor rain, nor...

Clem Madison was a devoted mailman in the little town of Krampden Corners, Iowa. It was a simple little job for a simple little village, but still... It never occurred to Clem that he should ask for an enclosed vehicle of some sort to deliver the mail... or that perhaps, if he was going to walk, he could carry more than one piece of mail at a time on each trip... that's what the bag was for...

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Christmases That Mostly WEREN'T!"... Daddy's new wife...

It was the Christmas of 1961 when little Jacqui met Daddy's new wife, Mrs. Kelly. That's what she wanted Jacqui to call her for a little while longer, especially because Daddy had just met her at Thanksgiving when he went on a business trip to a place called Club Med. Daddy explained to Jacqui that sometimes grown-ups like a person right away and don't need to wait around to find out if they kiss good...

...so there they all were decorating the Christmas tree with Mrs. Kelly making martinis and drinking most of them, and Daddy laughing nervously but also drinking and sneaking kisses to the lady calling herself Mrs. Kelly. Jacqui was so happy decorating the tree with the shiny ornaments and twinkling lights. She didn't hear Mrs. Kelly whispering in Daddy's ear about how much better it might be if Jacqui decorated the tree by herself... maybe putting up some more lights or fixing the wires... while standing in a puddle...

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Christmases That Mostly WEREN'T!"... It's the THOUGHT that counts!

Gift giving time is always so lovely... especially with someone very special. At least that's what Ken and Cindy thought on their first Christmas together. They'd only been dating for a few months, but they both splurged a little more than they expected on their gifts.

They met at Cindy's place before going out to Spinelli's for a festive little Holiday dinner... They kissed under the mistletoe in front of the fire, and then exchanged their presents. Ken's was wrapped perfectly with a cheerful little bow and the tag addressed to his "Sweet Cindy"...

...and Cindy's had a tag on it "To My Hot Man-Stud, Biff!"... uh, oh...

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Christmases That Mostly WEREN'T!"... Food! Glorious FOOD!...

When the Recession hit, many families had to go without Christmas presents... and even dinner. Daddies explained to their children (often while the Daddies cried or banged their hands on the table!) what a Recession was, and how it wasn't as bad as a Depression, but still...!!

That's when a grocery store nearby would ask a local wax-dummy maker to design a fake turkey to be driven from house to house at Holiday time. It only cost $5.00 to rent the wax-dummy turkey for ten minutes, and then off it would go to the Fergusons, the Baxters, or the nice old lady with all the cats on the corner of Elco and Fairfield...

And that's when Mother would come in and say that even though we didn't have turkey, good little children should eat 20 or so rolls... with lard... and not complain...

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Christmases That Mostly WEREN'T!"... snack time at the North Pole...

It was well known that Santa "was chubby and plump" and shaped "like a bowl full of jelly", but no one ever discussed his voracious appetite other than the cookies that millions of children left for him on Christmas night all around the entire world... and WHY they might have! Why, indeed?! Gradually though, children began to notice fewer and fewer reindeer accompanying Santa on his travels... first Donner, then Blitzen, and finally Dasher, Vixen, Comet, and eventually poor, trusting Cupid... gone, all gone... never to be seen again.

It was that particular Christmas in 1943 when only Dancer and Prancer, thoroughly exhausted, failed to clear Mt. Beauregard in the Ozarks. Santa and his entire sleigh plunged from a height of three and half miles into a remote canyon somewhere in Arkansas...

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Christmases That Mostly WEREN'T!"... Lester has a question...

Little Lester Hanover was called a genius!... a prodigy by all his teachers and the school and regional psychologists who interviewed him. His curiosity and desire to learn was ravenous... so much so that on Christmas Eve of 1955, when he caught Santa raiding the family's new Frigidaire, he asked Santa if Coca Cola still contained actual cocaine. Santa turned and, being "a jolly old elf", said he wasn't sure, but if it did, would Lester like some? Little Lester said "Sure! Thanks Santa!"... and Santa told him that they'd know if there was still cocaine in it if their gums went numb!... and if they couldn't get to sleep till about 2 in the afternoon...

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Christmases That Mostly WEREN'T!"... the stockings were hung by the chimney with...!!!"…

So many lovely traditions of a truly wonderful Christmas... and Mark and Mabel Veratree were determined their four children would enjoy each and every one of them. But then later on that Christmas Eve in 1953, the police had three questions: Who had hung the strange green stocking on the fireplace, why was there a human foot inside it, ... and where was little Stacy??

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Christmases That Mostly WEREN'T!"... Debbie and Fred...

The Lipton twins, Debbie and Fred, were known in the neighborhood for being extremely cute, almost ready for "show business" as their proud Aunt Cornelia was fond of saying at her weekly canasta club get-togethers on Wednesday nights or at every church sociable to anyone who'd listen. The twins were photogenic, funny, extremely athletic and nimble, and indeed had a natural talent for dancing, singing, and mimicry, delighting adults with their impressions of famous television and film characters. Unfortunately, their impersonations (weirdly accurate and often unflattering!) of their parents' friends and neighbors caused anger and indignation... and the Lipton family's popularity began to erode... precipitously.

And then, on that particular Christmas in 1959, little Debbie and Fred visited Carlina Mansenetti's home to see her tree and the presents she received. It was while Carlina had gone to the kitchen to get everyone glasses of Tang and her mother's home-made biscottis that Debbie and Fred worked their mischief. While Fred kept a look-out, Debbie rifled through the beautiful doll-house Carlina's father had built for her. She searched the dining room and pantry for family silver and fine china, smashing a miniature hutch and its matching sideboard. Then she worked her way through a couple of bedrooms and their dressers and wardrobes for any jewelry or maybe a wallet.

She was headed for the attic on the chance that antique trunks might have held some valuable family heirlooms when they heard Carlina coming back. Debbie set some drapes in the master suite on fire to cover her burglary, the flames spreading quickly through the second story and up the grand staircase! The twins scampered out of the Mansenetti's house, laughing wildly as little Carlina's cries echoed out into the Winter evening. Two of her dolls had been trapped in a guest bathroom… they were burned beyond recognition.

It was the beginning of a reign of terror that rocked the Gertrude Edelin Academy for Somewhat Gifted Young Persons... in Perrysburg, Ohio...

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Famously Infamous Moments In History"... Holiday On Ice?????

Ah, yes.. the famous but short-lived "Mixed Pairs With Offspring Ice-Rhumba Competition"... held in the Lake Placid Olympics - 1932... Tragically, during the finals, the Kronovskys (seen here) doing a triple toe-loop hurled their newborn Ishmael into a passing Zamboni...

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Sybil Bruncheon's My Merry Memoirs: I SHARE MY BEAUTY SECRETS!!!... "Before! and AFTER!!!"…

Darlings! (and I use that term loosely!) So many of you have asked me, "Mummie??? What is the secret of your timeless beauty?"... and I have.... well.... NOT RESPONDED!!! I mean, a girl should keep SOMETHING for herself, n'est-ce pas? But NOW, in the spirit of the new millennium, I feel it's only 'Fair-to-Share', and my complete (and revolutionary!) beauty regimen can be yours!!! Yes! NOW! TODAY! And this regimen is the one I use at our special "Sybil Bruncheon's Beauty-Be-Yours-Day Spa" in the Hollywood Hills...

Just look at the 'Before' and 'After' shots of this lackluster-now-lovely lady from Sepulveda!… another satisfied customer!!! Have you ever, EVER seen such a transition from... uh... well, unfortunate grooming choices (shall we say?) to RRRRRADIANT Youth And Well-Being!!!... and this can be yours too! With EXACTLY the same level of success. Just place an order for my product line including the EDIBLE MAKE-UP collection with designer bag (and spoon), and the INJECTABLE MOISTURIZER kit (with either a syringe or enema bottle, your choice!).

But that's not all! You'll also receive a complete and illustrated booklet on my exercise program, with washable flash cards! You'll learn how to;

1) RUB! RUB! RUB! Your Way to Happiness...(but Always UP!),

2) Power-Walk While Remaining Seated, and even READING!,

and 3) How To Eat A Healthy 7 Course Meal.... Even In Your Sleep!

And there are testimonials from clients whose lives have been changed... just look at the before & after shots of this fellow right here! ...and all in only 20 minutes! Would you believe he just celebrated his 73rd birthday???? Hubba, hubba, right Girls??

But wait! I can't call you!!! You have to take the first step...TO BEING BEAUTIFUL!!! Is that so much to ask????... And if you order now, you get an extra kit for only the shipping and handling! Perfect for gifts!... or for going-away-testimonials! This will definitely put the “YOU” in “UNIQUE”!! xoxoxo!!!

Dial R-I-N-K-L-S-B-I-T-E!... that's right! Just call 746-557-2483. The nice man will tell you how to order!

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