Sybil Bruncheon’s “OUR THANKSGIVING HERITAGE: A Nice Smile Opens Many Doors”...

...Yes, Friends, it's time for another deeply moving tale from Thanksgivings past.... Did you know that when the first pilgrims made their long and arduous journey to the New World they came without all the comforts and niceties that their friends and neighbors still had in Merry Old England! There were no greengrocers, no apotha-- apotha--- apotha--- drug stores, no fragrance counters, nor even dentists! And so the pilgrims were glad to learn from their Native American hosts all sorts of local traditions!...like replacing crumbling teeth with a fine array of kiln dried corn kernels... And they were interchangeable so one could change one's teeth with the latest Fall-fashion color forecasts....although of course basic black goes with everything!!! And oh, how the Indians would smile and point and even laugh with joy at the pilgrims when they first stepped outside with their new smiles in place!! Point and laugh! Point and laugh! Oh, what lovely neighbors they were to the Pilgrims! Hallelujah!

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Sybil Bruncheon’s OUR THANKSGIVING HERITAGE: Joyous, yes... but not TOO joyous!

Yes, Friends, it's time for another deeply moving tale from Thanksgivings past... Here we have Reverend Eloysius Wholesomeness Cruller, pastor of The Fairley-Famished Lamb of Blessedness congregation in Sadley Corners. Known for his fiery sermons that had a strangely calming effect on his parishioners (especially the ones with insomnia, anxiety disorders, or ...um, "demon fidgets"), he was nevertheless given to "visions" and dire predictions concerning oblong vegetables shaped like royal persons, and geese speaking Flemish. Although he was considered eccentric, many locals felt that he had some sort of gift and would heed his advice on sore throat cures, bunions, involuntary mooing, and frizzy hair.

Unmarried until he was in his late forties, he finally met Goody Tolerance Mayhew from a neighboring hamlet, and they were wed in a lovely though somber ceremony overseen by Reverend Punctuality McPhee. The happy celebrants feasted on spoonfuls of dried corn, yarrow roots, day-old goat's milk, and currants (or were they fettle beetles?)... oh, what a thankful occasion it was for everyone present, and earnest prayers, hearty exhortations, and ...yes, tuneful hymns (with actual tunes in them!) were offered up to the leaky rafters. And then Reverend and Goody Cruller withdrew to begin their meditative honeymoon .......after taking their once-a-year bath.

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Sybil Bruncheon’s “Hollywood Halloween”...

Hollywood True Story!!!... yes, friends, it's true! All great film stars start out in "lesser" pictures, sometimes "much lesser" pictures.. Here's a young Bette Davis in THE CREATURE-TRESS OF FROG HOLLOW (1930)... and it was all uphill from there... well, except for the sequels, THEY CALL ME BUG-LADY (1931) and ALL ABOUT EVE-ILL (1932)... (THEN it started to get better...)

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Sybil Bruncheon’s Halloween Shopper Update!!!

Friends! At Halloween time, are you... embarrassed… by your paltry attempts at a really fine costume? When others are showing up in their very festive finery, do you find yourself rifling through the local Goodwill or Salvation Army for a last-minute "clever" idea? Do you run home in tears, searching feverishly through Aunt Tillie's attic trunks, Uncle Bruce's root cellar, or Cousin Margaretta and her "girlfriend's" garage for anything… JUST ANYTHING for the costume ball at the local Shriner's Lodge? Have you even raided your own dust-rag drawer... or yes!... even put an old pair of boxer shorts on your head as a "turban"???

Come now! Be honest! Confession is the first step towards a happier Halloween! Responsible planning months ahead and some household budgeting can give you the financial freedom for a more attractive option. And your shopping experience at reliable and professional Halloween purveyors can be something to look forward to starting in the Spring when most truly stylish people plan their Halloween ensembles. Whether you choose to be frighteningly beautiful or beautifully frightening, let's get the "tragique" out of your Trick or Treat! Dial I-AM-HIDEOUS.....that's 426-443-3687. Call today!… the nice man will tell you how to order!…

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Sybil Bruncheon’s Halloween Shopper Guide!!!

Costumes shown on the catalog page include "Mrs. Crawley Crawlerson", "Countess Swat-Tinski", "Buggeena Rugg", "The KOOTIE-Pie". "Fly-Anne de Zoop", and "Aunt Pantz",

Now on SALE! Fabulous 'n' Frightening insect costumes from the "Mademoiselle BUG" line of Halloween fashion. Now you can scare the crap out of your friends with your choice for Trick or Treating, with an emphasis on the TRICK! Each costume comes with its own cricket-clicker and a kazoo so you can add authentic garden-pest sound effects to the terror!... and a thumb tack for that extra little "kick" that your friends will definitely find....um, "amusing".... after they land back on the ground!

Choices include "Amanda Mantis", “Millie Peed”, "Dainty the Dung Beetle", "Hedda (Grass) Hopper", "Catter Pilar", "Mommy-Long-Legs", and ''Aunt BEE", and many, many more shown in our catalog!... and guess what? All costumes come in the fuller-fit versions for you "plus size" girls, just in case you want to be a really BIG hit at the snack table! Create a riotous sensation when you're reaching for that hors d'oeuvre!... Hours of screams and crashes for the whole family! And when you flit through the room all your friends can say, "Yep! There she goes! The Little Sting-ker!!!”. You’ll certainly create quite a buzz!

All costumes are now in stock in all sizes. And they’re flame retardant ....mostly....(except near light bulbs.) $29.95 includes shipping. Dial I-GOT-8-LEGGS, that's right folks, dial 446-885-3447. And don’t worry!… our professionally trained staff won’t shoo you away! Costumes shown on this catalog page include "Mrs. Crawley Crawlerson", "Countess Swat-Tinski", "Buggeena Rugg", "The KOOTIE-Pie". "Fly-Anne de Zoop", and "Aunt Pantz". The nice man will tell you how to order!

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Sybil Bruncheon's "People In Poetry"…… page 91. ..."Dear Little Nancy on Voting Day!"......

Dear Little Nancy liked to skip and play. 
Did she keep her Promises? No one could say. 
Nancy said she’d register to VOTE and do her Duty.
But Mondays she always devoted to her day of Beauty.

Tuesdays are for visiting and chatting over Lunch!
Wednesdays are for Shopping and a large Rum Punch!
And don’t you know that Thursday’s a fine day to rest?
And then it’s time for Friday! Please don’t be a Pest!

Here it is the Weekend, and Friends have come to Town.
Time to have a Picnic and wear a Gingham Gown.
Day by Day and Week by Week, her Duty she’d forgotten.
And Folks began to gossip now, her Reputation rotten. 

The months slid by, from Spring to Fall, her Duty ne’er remembered.
And finally it was Voting Day, the first Tuesday in November. 
Dear Nancy came to the Polling Place, but was promptly turned away.
The nice Ladies there said, “Your name’s not here! You clearly mayn’t stay!”

But Nancy fussed and stamped her Feet and loudly made a Row!
“I care not what y’ say to me! I’ve come to VOTE right now!”
A nice Policeman passing by did seize her by her hair, 
and swung her high around his Head and threw her through the Air.

She came down KOOOSH! upon the ground, some 20 feet or so.
An hour later she awoke, quite cross, and moaning low.
A kindly Lady passing by asked her what was wrong. 
And Nancy told her Tale of woe, which really was much too long.

The Lady smiled and helped her up and invited her to tea. 
“The polls are closed. You did not VOTE. You come along with me.”
They walked eleven miles or so, and down a Country lane, 
And into woods so dark and deep. Then it began to rain. 

Dear Nancy said that she was tired and longed to have a Rest.
The kindly Lady pointed to her Cottage on the Crest.
They tumbled in out of the rain to get so warm and cozy. 
The House was sweet, and very clean and smelled of Spice and Posy.

“Now let me put a Kettle on, and you play with both my kitties. 
Their names are Biff and Lancelot! Come along my little pretties!”
Nancy reached out to pet the Pair, but Biff gave her some Nips.
She pulled her bleeding Hand away, and Lancelot licked his lips.

 
She tried again to be a Friend and promptly got some Scratches.
The Lady then walked in the room and brought a box of Matches.
“I said before you did not VOTE! You did not pick a winner!
You did not do your Duty dear, and now you’ll be our Dinner!”.

The Lady lunged at Nancy then and gave her quite a Fright!
She grabbed her hem, and lit a match and set her dress alight.
Dear Nancy jumped and yowled so! Imagine her dismay.
It crossed her mind, “It’s Tuesday though! It’s Lunch and Visit day!”.

The flames leaped higher, higher then and burned her to a crisp
With little hissing “essing” sounds, (Nance always had a lisp!)
The Lady stuffed her full of peas, some carrots and a shallot.
Poor Nancy might have saved herself if she’d only cast a ballot.

She ended up inside their tummies, don’t think me too uncouth. 
Just think how nice it might have been inside a Voting Booth.
Well that’s our tale of Nancy, dear. And Darlings, Please take note!
When Mummie says she loves you so, GO REGISTER AND VOTE!

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Sybil Bruncheon’s HALLOWEEN UPDATE: Parseley Corners, Wisconsin....

HALLOWEEN UPDATE: Parseley Corners, Wisconsin. The local newspaper, The Parseley Corners Cockle-Doodle-Doo, announces the final closing of the "Middling Meadows Maison of Fairly Scary Sounds and Wax Dummies In Strange Poses". The funhouse was the only true tourist attraction in the vicinity of the town for 50 miles or so, and had never really lived up to its name or advertising. As a matter of fact, Madison Technical College had actually staged several medical seminars on chronic insomnia there, finding "The Dining Room of Terror", "The Screaming Salle de Bain", and "The Punishment Pantry" quite restful for its patients.

Mrs. Rebecca Shuler, whose family has owned the property for 83 years, recently made a gift of the land, the main structure, and all the outbuildings, sheds, and equipment to the college. The aforementioned rooms will be turned into large "sleep wards" for insomnia sufferers, and the remaining areas of the main building will be converted into patient services and administration offices, research and examination laboratories, cheerful family visiting solariums, a spacious cafeteria, a bingo hall, bowling alley, billiards and ping pong salon, a small movie and poetry recital theatre, and a fully equipped steam, sauna, and bath spa. The wax figures, many of which are of iconic monsters or perpetrators and victims of infamous historical murders will be left as charming conversation pieces with little night-lights on them to prevent any unintentional "bumps-in-the-night"....

The Landmarks Commission has requested that the exterior entryway remain completely intact, but perhaps with nice flower boxes and a small reflecting pool with trickle-fountain. Local residents may apply to volunteer for the plantings committee.

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INTERESTING PEOPLE....or ...whatever..... Mr. Hedley Head.

Many of the great studio designers had envious and perhaps less talented family members who nevertheless tried to wheedle their way into the system..... one such person was Hedley Head, Edith's unfortunate brother-in-law.... He escaped from the Veteran's Hospital for the Mentally Inconvenienced where he had been a fairly reliable member of the Laundry & Tailoring department. Apparently, he disguised himself as a freshly fluffed and folded king-size duvet, and he walked past the guards claiming he was delivering himself to Louis B. Mayer's home in Santa Monica. He was later reported missing during the "Tapioca Sociable" thrown for the inmates on Thursday nights. He might never have been apprehended had he not decided to sneak into the costume workshop at MGM claiming that Adrian "required his ingenious way with a bolt of bombazine"!.... within an hour, he was threatening to cut one of the contract players on the bias....... (Lucille something-or-the-other..) He was returned to the hospital high-security ward and given a pair of round-tip "safety scissors". The Screen Actors Guild provided him with a special lifetime stipend for celebrity paper doll books that he could "create" his collections out of....... his Fashion Parades became a monthly hit in the cafeteria, and he was consulted on new ways to wear hospital gowns by his fellow inmate/clients. He died peacefully in his sleep at the age of 91.

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Sybil Bruncheon’s Halloween Game Time!!!

MATCH THE FACES WITH THE DESCRIPTIONS!!!

1) Junior manicurist at “Happy Hands Hide-Away” in Piscataway, New Jersey
2) Captain of The Hefty Ladies Of Hartford Bowling League
3) Serial caller to the local police precinct reporting UFOs (Unattributable Farting Offenses)
4) A rutabaga that rolled behind the refrigerator....or possibly Ann B. Davis.
5) Borscht Belt comedian from the 1950s with three thumbs
6) Stray kitty with disturbingly “inter-species” facial features
7) School superintendent much loved by Junior High children….on Uranus.
8) Dog grooming catastrophe at The Perky Poodle Canine College
9) Mindy Resnick, unrepentant aquarium gravel and prop hoarder

(Answers will appear on page 119 of your Highlights Magazine)

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INTERESTING PEOPLE....or ...whatever..... The Grimaldi Man-Sisters!

Here we have the famous "Grimaldi Man-Sisters"...a strange Vaudeville act that went on to appear in early silent films. They would perform a variety of songs, dances, recitals of limericks and haikus, mime tableaux, odd contortionist positions in various stages of undress....and, (if the price was right and it was late enough in the evening!) they would impersonate barnyard animals in home made costumes made of their grandmother's fur coats and bath mats. Gina (Edwin) on the left would always play the front half, and Debbie (Frank) on the right would play the rear-end and tail..... they were super stars on the Rocky Mountain Minsky circuit until their bus went over a cliff at Yosemite. All of Modesto was plunged into mourning for two and a half weeks.....

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