Sybil Bruncheon's Breaking News from the CNN news desk!... Wauseon, Ohio... and the luncheon!

The Wauseon Republican Ladies Luncheon Club celebrated their 43rd anniversary with their "Come As Your Favorite Movie Star Holiday Extravaganza!"..... each year the gals spend months on their costumes and accessories, hair-dos and make-up to come as their Hollywood idols. And some of them are really quite convincing! From left: Mrs. Lurleen Hankin as Joan Fontaine, Mrs. William Guttle as Sally Ann Howe, Mrs. Deedee Tepp as Eva Gabor, Mrs. Scottina Mootlin as Radie Harris, Mrs. Francine Wendover as Ethel Merman, Mrs. Gertrude Julian as Rosalind Russell, Mrs. Freda Quarles as Angela Lansbury, Mrs. Kiki Tunwhistle as Patrice Munsel, and the caterer, Mr. Cliff Hunt as his mother.... who was an usherette at Grauman's Chinese Theatre. Details at 6. Plaster of Paris footprints at 11. Stay tuned.

[Want to read other fun and funny stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!]

Sybil Bruncheon’s Christmas Memoirs: My Adventures on Christmas TV Specials...

Have I told you about my adventures with one of my favorite photographers over the years?? Lawrence Hunter was by my side for so many of those planned (and UNplanned!) moments in one's career! Here's one from a Christmas television special that almost was!!!......

Theodor Geisel (aka Dr. Seuss) and I had known each other for years and traveled in the same circles in New York during the 40s and 50s. It was in that vein that, as television became bigger and bigger an entertainment medium, he suggested that I play a new character he came up with in the Christmas of 1956, "Mrs. Finch", a charming and slightly mischievous creature who would bring toys and treats for underprivileged children on Christmas eve in a flying saucer!!... from the planet Uranus!!! 

The concept ingeniously incorporated charity to the poor, social awareness, interplanetary brotherhood, and the birth of the space industry in the newly created NASA. Sadly, our sponsors at Nabisco felt that any mention of "Uranus" was ..."unappetizing for a brand of breakfast cereals and cookies", as Cuthbert Cubbins, the chairman of the board described it.

This, despite the fact that the Nabisco logo had always reminded people of a flying saucer...and that "Nabisco" did NOT in fact mean "National Biscuit Company", but was an anagram for “Bascion”, a Gaelic word from the Renaissance that loosely translated to “ baked goods from other worlds” (the Irish always had a fanciful sense of so-called wee-people and the color green).

Anyway, Theodor and I lost the argument, and the project was ..um... shall we say, re-imagined in a more conventionally acceptable way… although, the story became more of  a diatribe against J. Edgar Hoover, Roy Cohn, Joseph McCarthy, and the neo-fascistic metaphor of the Jolly Green Giant… but that’s a story for another time!

[Want to read other fun and funny stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!]

SYBIL'S STORY BOOK CORNER: Christmas Celebrations Around the World!

Yes, Children, it's true! Christmas is celebrated in all sorts of different ways by our Friends in other lands! Did you know that in Mummie's own home country of Greater & Lesser Marnier and the Triple Sec Islands, children of all ages get up bright and early on the day before Christmas to be part of "Santa's Sleigh Ride". They hook themselves to the fastest cars and trucks in town symbolizing Santa's very own magic sleigh, and they are dragged out into the countryside, over hill and dale for hours of merriment and eventually screams...of ....um...delight. Later, that night, at say... oh, two in the morning or so... the remaining children are dragged back into town to be reunited with their parents and the hypothermia units at our hospitals...... And on Christmas morning, they open the presents waiting for them!!...mittens for Sally, an electric blanket for Beatrice, tickets to St. Barts for Pierre.... a new artificial leg for Genevieve!! ...ah, good times!...good times... How many of you dear readers would like to go on the same merry "Santa's Sleigh Ride"??

[Want to read other fun and funny stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!]

Sybil Bruncheon's Holiday Favorites!... "A CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS!"...

A CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS!!! ...One of my favorite Holiday traditions. I love watching it with a big thermos of eggnog (spiked heavily and don't skimp on the freshly ground nut meg! I like my hallucinogens!) The music by Vince Guaraldi of course is like an additional character, and it's entered the American-Christmas psyche forever, I'm sure. Even in Walmarts, when the main theme comes over their muzak, shoppers by the hundreds stop and smile, their oversized carts with the wonky front wheel full of sweatsocks, diaper wipes, tinsel, and beef stew.... of course, it IS a bit discouraging to realize that the original cast of children is all in their mid-eighties now. On the other hand, it’s heartening to know that the dog that played Snoopy lived to be 162...

[Want to read other fun and funny stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!]

Sybil Bruncheon's CHRISTMAS UPDATES: ... Macy's Employees' Holiday Benefits...

...Macy’s Department Store has opened a special “Employee Holiday Relaxation Clinic”! And with the world-famous Macy’s Santas working overtime to satisfy hundreds of children everyday, the Human Resources division has determined that every possible stress should be …um…”relieved”. Here, a trained psychological-health professional applies her skills to an exhausted but devoted worker….. and she’s even reciting, in a loud and commanding voice, the names of reindeer and oblong vegetables and anything else that will work to bring him, um… satisfaction!

[Want to read other fun and funny stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!]

Sybil's "Holidays in Hospitals!... it's for the CHILDREN!"...

From the "Get Well Soon" Department!!....... Ted Cruz has voiced his support for the newly opened Hatchapee Holiday Hospital. He claims it helps children with life threatening illnesses and injuries by "motivating them to find healthfulness from within". Completely underfunded by the state, and with no accredited medical staff whatsoever, the board of directors has worked out a program using local prison inmates to come everyday in various cheerful costumes and play with the patients. "Santa", the "Easter Bunny", and many other symbols of the year's Holidays visit with the children for hours and hours on end. On the Fourth of July, a giant walking and talking firecracker complete with a huge burning fuse sneaks into the rooms in the middle of the night and yells "BOOM!" right into the ears of the sleeping children! On Arbor Day a giant "Paul Bunyan" comes in with an ax and an angry bull and chops up bedside furniture. And of course on Halloween....well, you can imagine the fun and funny mischief that a bunch of drooling ghouls can stir up for a child on dialysis!! The program seems to be working too! Even paralyzed children have miraculously dragged themselves out of the wards during the Hanukkah celebrations when the inmates light 8' high menorahs near the draperies and oxygen tanks for the Festival of Lights! Many surrounding states are beginning to take a hard look at the health care situation in their own hospitals and wondering if a "survival of the fittest" approach isn't the best way after all. The new slogan for the campaign is "Scare 'em GOOD! Scare 'em STRAIGHT! ...or Scare 'em TO DEATH!".....

[Want to read other fun and funny stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!]

Sybil Bruncheon’s “CHRISTMASES PAST: ...The story of Lester Schlumvigg...”

Lester Schlumvigg was always crunching numbers at his CPA office on Holidays, never really unwinding and taking time off to visit with friends or his family. He had never married (or even dated seriously!) which had opened him to the suspicions, (whispered mostly) that he was gay. Word of these rumors got back to him which only made him more sour... and less available.

And so it was on this particular Christmas that Lester was finally pranked by some of his coworkers at the office. They had hidden a present for him under his family's tree "from Santa!"..... he opened it, and was talked into putting it on for everyone to see. His parents, his siblings (seven in all), and neighbor friends of his family all began to point and laugh...POINT AND LAUGH!! He couldn't understand why...until they handed him the card that they had opened.... it was a photo of his grandmother in that very sweater. She had been what was referred to as "an ample woman", about 6' 4", 212lbs, and a notorious lady-wrestler in the Midwest's "Beefy Broads Wrestling and Roller-Derby" circuit... and everyone congratulated Lester on how he looked “JUST LIKE HER!!!".....

[Want to read other fun and funny stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!]

Sybil Bruncheon's "Tales From Christmases Past"... Little Bethena Wilkers...

Little Bethena Wilkers!... she had always been at odds with other little girls in the Sister Stephanata Bryerly School that she attended. Instead of classes in cooking, sewing, and home-making, she preferred mathematics, geo-sciences, and physics.... indeed, it was only because her grades were so consistently excellent that the faculty voted unanimously to allow her to take both advanced classes in the subjects she preferred and that she be allowed (chaperoned, of course!) to go to the adjoining St. Athanaseus Boys Academy for them since most of these subjects were not even offered to girls at that time.... 

Bethena thrilled (in her family's case) and confounded (in the boys' case) with her academic brilliance. She completed trigonometry, algebra, geometry, and advanced calculus all by the time she was 11, and she received statewide accolades at science fair competitions with her highly controversial inventions and displays... including on that one particular Christmas in 1930. 

She had decided to create, in honor of her hardworking mother, the Fully-Portable Happy Holiday Home-Maker, a device which allowed "the modern woman to create all the cheer and festivity of the Christmas Season while still maintaining a hygienic home and providing delicious and nutritious meals" as the promotional brochure stated...and it worked! It was a little itchy, especially under the arms, and the zipper placement still had to be finessed, but the blueberry muffins came out of the built-in oven/dishwasher perfectly with the lovely crusted sugar sprinkles on top and the requisite 26 blueberries in each muffin. And the refrigerating unit neither over-chilled the grapefruit juice into slush, nor under-froze the cranberry-papaya sherbet into goop.The washer/dryer/six-burner stove was inspired, and the fold-away formica counters were immaculate and didn't interfere with the vacuum or silver-polishing attachments. The placement of the appliances around the body of the wearer was still in need of some strategizing, but the Christmas lights twinkled merrily, the garlands of popcorn came out of the popper perfectly, and the ornaments remained on their hooks without dropping even when the roller-skate motor was throttled up to full speed...three miles per hour....and faster if you were doing a triple axel, triple toe loop. The one setback was when some tinsel drooped into one of the roller wheels, and little Bethena tripped and spilled the Baked Alaska onto the reviewers' table. "Flammable Foods" had been one of the strictest precautions that the exhibition managers had warned about, (especially after the demonstration about baked beans and hydrogen-filled zeppelins the year before!), but the ever-prepared Bethena saved the day, AND the Baked Alaska! Just under her Christmas star, she had concealed a fire extinguisher/water sprinkler system which not only knocked out the flames, but also provided a chilly blast of CO₂ "snow" to make everyone feel the Christmasy spirit to the max! Clever little Bethena not only received the blue ribbon in her category, "Sciences: Sweet & Savory" but also Best In Show... and a contract with the nice people over at Frigidaire.

[Want to read other fun and funny stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!]

Sybil's "Christmas Tales By The Fireside"...

"And so dear little Children, the sleigh and all the toys careened off the cliff and burst into flame as the townspeople in the valley below pointed and shrieked and tore their hair!!! And that is why we must always remember that "SANTA" is an anagram for S-A-T-A-N!! Now who can tell me what an anagram is??...."

[Want to read other fun and funny stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!]

SYBIL BRUNCHEON’S STORY BOOK CORNER: Holiday Traditions AROUND THE WORLD!! ... PRIPYAT!

Hello, Children from around the world! Are you all writing your special gift-wishes to Santa Claus, Pere Noel, Mr. & Mrs. Weasel, Quetzalcoatl, Cthulu, Zizz X#56Hhsuzsi, or Nan-Cy Boy O’Reilly??? …what!? I haven’t told you about Nan-Cy Boy O’Reilly yet??....well, that’s another story for another time! But today, I want to tell you about the magic Yule trees of the Ukraine. That's where we get the funny little guitar called the Uke-relele. Can you say, "You-Cray-Lay-Lee"??

Our Ukrainian friends who live in a nice little town called Pripyat had a Christmas adventure many years ago….can you say “Prip-Yat”?? It means “Glows-in-the-dark”. Well, one day, all the papas and mamas (or батьки і матері, as the little ones call them!) went into the woods on December 24th or The Feast of the Talking Forest to gather the special Christmas trees for the Holiday. The tradition was that the elders of the villages would sing special songs and dance around the trees to ask the tree-spirits for their blessing before they were cut down. If the tree-spirits gave their blessings, then there would be mild whispering winds through the air almost like music and the squirrels and little birds would bring nuts, berries, lost coins, and stolen costume jewelry, and the grown-ups would know that the coming year would be full of health, prosperity, and good omens.

That night hundreds of trees were cut down and dragged through the dark to cozy homes with toasty fireplaces and waiting children, singing loudly, clapping their hands, dancing and leaping, and breaking things. The trees were brought into all the front rooms, stood up and braced into waiting pots of fresh mountain water and spiced cider with cloves and raisins “to make them happy”, and decorated with candles and beautiful handmade ornaments, many of which dated back for generations in each household to ancestors fondly remembered in stories, songs, and crayon drawings.

Then, as the custom dictated, every family member would approach the tree and kneel with a special gift and a poem of thanks and love written especially for the tree on that occasion. All the gifts would be laid at the foot of the beloved tree, in dedication to its arrival in the household, and to ask that it would tell Santa to leave special presents for its household and the sweet children it watched over. Then everyone would scamper off to bed, laughing, singing, bragging about who would get what presents, and giving one last wink and a wave to the tree as it stood silently in the great room lit by firelight and the cheer of the Holiday.

Oh, Children! Oh, dear sweet Children!! Imagine what people thought on Christmas Day when they ran down the stairs as the sun just began to clear the horizon line at 2 in the afternoon!! There were NO presents of any kind! NONE!...because Santa had been prevented from getting within a 200 mile radius of little Pripyat….and there were fighter jets chasing him away with bad missiles…and even guns and shouting over loudspeakers! But that wasn’t the worst of it! Oh NO! For not only were there NO presents. The trees themselves had grown! YES!! GROWN!! Many of the sweet trees had now reached the ceiling with their topmost branches. The Holy Christmas stars were now pressed against the plaster, breaking it in places, or bending the points off of the fine heirlooms that grandpas had made with their own wrinkled hands.

And that was only the beginning….as each day went by, the trees grew taller and taller…some of them began to sprout new and oddly shaped limbs with strangely colored pine needles that looked like faces or toes, and smelled like grandma’s old socks… or her underpants. By the 6th day of the Holiday week, many trees had broken through windows and doors, had eaten food out of the larders and pantries, and even chased pets and stepped on them. By the 12th and final day of the celebration, most homes were now abandoned to roving gangs of gigantic, grotesque “tree-things” that set fires, urinated in public places, pinched ladies bottoms, and told overly long jokes with no punchlines. And THAT was the terrible/wonderful Christmas present that everyone got from Chernobyl. Tell me, Children, how many of you would like to visit exciting places like Pripyat someday???

[Want to read other fun and funny stories here on SybilSez.com? Just enter any topic that pops into your head in the "search" window on the upper right! Who knows what might come up?...and feel free to share them with your friends!]