Sybil Bruncheon's Stories For Young Scientists…

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Boys and Girls! Did you know that there have been other solar eclipses at other times and in different places?? For instance, at Prendergast Point, Idaho, at the Our Lady of Merciful Miasmas Laying-In Hospital, the nursing staff took a short break on the afternoon of June 17th, 1921. Being educated and extremely scientific ladies, they had prepared thoroughly for this "once-in-a-lifetime opportunity"….. as the sky darkened and all conversation quieted, the girls marveled at the other phenomenon surrounding the event.

The birds stopped singing, crickets and other night-time creatures began to hum, and the famous "chilly breeze" passed over them as the moon's shadow crossed the globe…. the extraordinary mystery and stillness of the event was suddenly broken by old Mr. Gregoire, the janitor from the 4th floor who thought it would be funny to bombard the earnest ladies with stolen pastries from the cafeteria! "Moon pies!", he shrieked! 'Moon Pies! MOON PIES!!!", and as if that wasn't shock enough for the screaming and frosting-covered ladies, he proceeded to pull down his overalls only inches from their gaping faces and expose his 68 year old buttocks to them…. Cries of, "My eyes! MY EYES!!!" filled the courtyard of the hospital as medical staff came running….

The papers reported that this was yet another instance of a temporary madness which seems to follow solar eclipses as they occur. No charges were filed, although Mr. Gregoire was given a topical ointment to alleviate an unsightly pimple condition…

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Tour-ette from Cherry Grove, Fire Island. So much that's unexpected...and to be grateful for 6/10/23

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Breaking (and Broken!) News... from CNN... This just in!...

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Indicted George Santos from NY's 3rd congressional district has increased his delusional claims even in the face of 13 criminal charges against him concerning a host of felonies totaling hundreds of years in prison should he be found guilty... the following claims are now added to his past ones;

1] He claims to be a 3000 lb. turnip capable of feeding hundreds of vegans should a famine hit the Trump owned golf club at Ferry Point in the Bronx, NY... Santos stated that Trump will be renaming Ferry Point to "Fairy Point" because, after all, Santos is gay... and a lesbian as well!

2] He claims that not only are his parents Jewish but they have been Jewish for millions of years, dating back to the Jurassic Period... He stated that his parents are so Jewish, that they will make themselves into huge portions of chicken soup to cure the world permanently of the common cold.

3] He claims that, as a baby, he was the first example of Artificial Intelligence. Sadly, his gears and pulleys were extremely uncomfortable for his mother to pass through her uterus and vagina "despite heavy lubrication with Quaker State Motor Oil"... and Hellmann's Mayonnaise. He has assured his congressional district that he will pick up all the expenses for his double AA batteries... from Energizer!... after all, he IS the model for the Energizer Bunny!

4] He claims that although he is not the second coming of the Messiah, he IS the second coming of a kosher baloney sandwich served at the Last Supper... right there in the painting to the left of the Apostles Paul... and Kim Kardashian. Hold the mustard!

5] He claims that he's a kitty, or possibly a monkey crossed with a kitty... and an egg... but an Easter Egg!!… or a Faberge Egg!…

6] He claims that he can grow kilim rugs on his body, and provide luxury interior design services to wealthy contributors to his campaign. If a client prefers sisal, he'll be happy to eat straw for a few weeks for special orders... please bring your own lawnmower...

7] He claims that he is an as-yet-undiscovered planet in our own solar system. When he finally is discovered, he DOES insist on being announced by Neil deGrasse Tyson, Carl Sagan, or Galileo... even if one of them is dead.. or two... whatever. He also insists on being named "Big Round Boy"... or "Mr. Sparkly"... he will have a moon or two... made of cheese.

8] He claims that although he is gay, it is only on Tuesdays.. and he still likes women and... cement.

Stay tuned for more claims, verifiable or not. Details at 6. Electro-convulsive therapy at 11.

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Sybil Bruncheon's "People In Poetry!"... A Wedding Day...

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Mimsy knelt at her sister’s feet, so proud and glad, you see.

For Myra was to be a bride, and married off to Lee.

“The eldest daughter leads the way”, their Mother sagely said.

“No other girl may marry till the oldest girl has wed.”

 

While Mimsy knelt, dear Flora Sue kissed Myra on the cheek.

Not yet her chance to run away, a honeymoon to seek.

She had her eyes on Carlton Drubb, an up and coming Clerk,

Whose Father owned a notions shop and forced him there to work.

 

And Stacy Sue, there on the right, tried on her sister’s veil.

The youngest of the Fernley girls, her fancies didn’t fail.

She dreamt of Princes, Shahs, and Kings, or maybe just a duke.

She’d even settle for a judge wearing a high peruke.

 

But Mimsy, Flora, ‘n’ Stacy Sue, just didn’t seem to note

That Myra sat in her bridal gown, her thoughts all so remote.

Her feverish brain was filled with fears and riddled through with dread.

A week of nightly terrors that concerned her marriage bed.

 

To tell the truth, our Bride-to-be had never played the bride

In childhood games with other girls, she even sometimes cried!

And kissing boys behind the barn had nearly made her sick.

Their rough and stupid manners, their intellects so thick!

 

Now here she was, a grown-up girl, compelled to play the game.

The game that every woman knows or else to live in shame.

Be a wife, and be polite. Eventually bear a child.

And cook and clean and bake a cake… Or always be reviled.

 

So Myra stared now straight ahead, to a dreary, weary life.

Of baby showers and diaper dirt as Lee’s so pretty wife.

But walking in right through the door was her school chum Clara-Ann!

Their eyes did meet, they shared a kiss, and off the two girls ran!

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Sybil Bruncheon’s “I Had A Dream”...

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… Breaking News from the CNN News Desk:
Donald Trump has been killed in a fiery car crash involving a Good Humor truck and 400lbs of Creamsicles. He awakens in a strange bedroom with all the doors and windows bricked over and no exits. On the side table is a copy of Jean Paul Sartre's play "Huis Clos". The lines for Joseph Garcin are underlined with a note saying Trump should learn them immediately... or not... whatever. Suddenly, from under the bed, Sarah Huckabee and Kellyanne Conway climb out and reveal that they are to play the roles of Inès Serrano and Estelle Rigault... or not... whatever. The role of the Valet is to be played by Mike Pence... who doesn't show up. There is an increasing smell of sulfur and farts along with extreme heat, and muffled laughter coming from inside the walls... or possibly mooing. The voice of Rod Serling is heard explaining that no, this is not a dream... and it's permanent. Whatever.

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Sybil Bruncheon’s “My Merry Memoirs”… Easter 1986.

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The New York Native, a weekly paper published in New York City. And there I was as their Easter season model for gifts and treats!! .....(um, yes, I got carried away when they pulled out the chocolates! But they hadn't fed any of the crew lunch!!...... bastards!)

(Photos and article by William Cullum) (Sybil’s gown by Cliff Boone and Morrie Breyer of A.Q.U.A.)

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Sybil Bruncheon's "Hollywood's Hysterical History"...

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THE OLD DARK HOUSE (1932)... starring an intimate cast (by 1930s Hollywood standards!) of Boris Karloff, Melvyn Douglas, Gloria Stuart, Charles Laughton, Raymond Massey, and the always fascinating Ernest ("Gods and Monsters!") Thesiger!...and directed by James Whale… (as flamboyant as ever!)

The title just about says it all, doesn't it? A weird and weirdly funny movie from the pre-code era, that sets a black & white horror mood rather brilliantly. Merrily macabre in so many ways, I often wonder how many takes some scenes took just because the cast broke out laughing especially with the extraordinary James Whale larking about behind the camera with Thesiger flouncing around in front of it! A Must-See, if you haven’t already!! Enjoy!!...

 …oh!... and did I ever tell you about the sequel? YES!! James asked me to star in it along with the reassembled Dark House cast! It was to be called QUEERISH CASTLE (1933 or so). James was getting more and more defiant of Hollywood’s closeted attitude about LGBTQ issues, so he decided to rub the big studios’ noses in it! No longer satisfied with only calling the lead character “Horace Femm”, the residents of Queerish Castle were to be Humpmey Bogart, Beulah Bondage, Finger Rogers, Poosile Ball, Orson Smells, Spencer Lacey, Lesbie Ann Warren, Julie Man-Drews, Clit Walker, Vulvian Vance, and Peener Youstinoff. The castle, though terrifying and full of dead bodies, trap doors, and secret passages, was also to be a fabulous dance hall/speak-easy with Vaudeville acts, including drag performance-knife throwers, transvestite-trapeze artists, contortionist-fortune tellers of indeterminate gender, and dog-and-cat ventriloquism! I was going to play “The Insatiable & Inscrewtable Vaj-eena”, a gypsy fortune teller who uses tea leaves and oblong vegetables to determine the unsuspecting guests’ futures… Misfortune and Merriment ensues!... or so we hoped. The Hays Committee shut us down for “Gross Indecency!... and oblong vegetables!” JEEEESH!!!!

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Sybil Bruncheon's "My Merry Memoirs!"... Fiddling Around in Films!

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GOLD DIGGERS OF 1933!!!...

Did I ever tell you about my tour through Hollywood's chorus lines when the Stock Market Crash and Depression had screwed up most careers... including mine? Well, I went from fabulous times in the silents and made the transition to the talkies with no problem... but BOOOM!! My investments evaporated, my debts exploded, and it was a choice between waitressing at the Automat or playing a neon violin with a hundred other girls in a darkened sound stage... dressed like a giant lampshade that kept getting caught in my battery pack! Look for me during the "Shadow Waltz" number... you can find m easily! I'm the one with the neon violin shorting out over and over, flickering on and off again as it zaps me in my patooties! By the end of the shoot, my hair looked like a haystack! It took me two days at Mr. Paulette's to put the marcelle back in it! JEEEEESH!!!

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